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Thread: INFJ attraction

  1. #11
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    I can't stand ENFJs. They seem so fake and phoney to me. It's like they're very manipulative in letting people feel good about themselves. While manipulation isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm more taken aback by the person excecuting the manipulation.

    I mean, at least for myself, I *know* when I'm evil or doing good while I'm manipulating peoples' feelings.

    INFJs are better for me. At least I can't see the manipulation going on.

  2. #12
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Tikka, I thought you were an ENFJ...

    I think too that that trait is only reflective of immature ENFJs. It's not necessarily an ENFJ trait.

  3. #13
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tikka View Post
    I can't stand ENFJs. They seem so fake and phoney to me. It's like they're very manipulative in letting people feel good about themselves. While manipulation isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm more taken aback by the person excecuting the manipulation.
    Why/how does wanting people to feel good, and caring about people, equate to manipulation? YOU might label it as manipulation, but you can hardly know what the ENFJ/anybody's real motivation is for doing what they do.

    But in any event, there are manipulative and phony people of all types, so it's not terribly type-specific; actually I think it says more about the person doing the said labeling, and what they value/don't value as far as personality traits go, than it does of the person being labeled.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tikka
    I mean, at least for myself, I *know* when I'm evil or doing good while I'm manipulating peoples' feelings.

    INFJs are better for me. At least I can't see the manipulation going on.


    Quote Originally Posted by BMEF
    Ditto! I totally agree with what you just said. I know one INFJ that is as old as I am. We are friends, but our relationship isn't very deep because we both think alike. Our perfectionistic nature can sometimes cause a little animosity between us.
    Interesting! I'm the opposite; I attribute the deep connection I have with my INFJ friends to the fact that we process things similarly and think so much alike, and the very Ni-based conversations we can have. But maybe I've gotten better over the years at trusting/taking risks, and connecting deeply, relatively quickly...two INFJ's I've met in the past 3 yrs were nearly instantaneous bonds; with the two that I met 8-9 yrs ago though it took a good 2 yrs before the friendships really started to deepen.
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  4. #14
    Member Prime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flameskull95 View Post
    lol. ok... umm, all I'm saying is that I've grown up in an unusual environment, cause INTJs usually like unusual things, then in my case I'd like normal things, so I'm attracted to normal people, as having normal people around is unusual for me, and I'm attracted to unusual things.. get it???, is that just me??
    Growing up, most of my peers were normal, thus I gravitated toward the unusual. But ever since college, when I was able to move away from my small town origins and hang out with the bohemian types... now I'm more attracted to the normal people, as well. I think it's just an urge for the opposite which drives that desire.

    As far as INFJ-INFJ romance... no thanks. Seeing someone else with the same problems as me is a major turnoff.

  5. #15
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prime View Post
    As far as INFJ-INFJ romance... no thanks. Seeing someone else with the same problems as me is a major turnoff.
    IMO get an ESTJ, not an ESTP. You'll like it... trust me.

    But yeah. Same type partners can't help each other and have the same problems. I'd imagine it would get dull after the bonding phase. Since in that phase you are going like "zomg we are so similar and we're INFJ so we're rare and I've found someone that understands!!!" Then that dies and the relationship goes bleh. But that doesn't always happen. If you want pure comfort then go for it. Same type relations are extremely stable.
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  6. #16
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    In my experience, granted that it's limited due to the rarity of fellow Ni-doms, INxJs are often very sporadic in their "connections" to one another.

    One of my better friends is an INFJ, and we are often able to progress one-another's ideas and expressions because we are on very similar thought-trains.

    Then there are times when we really just can't communicate with one another at all, almost as if our minds are parallel, and thus never crossing or contacting.

    This would be normal to me, if it weren't for the fact that it never seems to be anywhere in-between. It's always in either extreme.
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  7. #17
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    Seinfeld is in no way INFJ

  8. #18
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prime View Post

    As far as INFJ-INFJ romance... no thanks. Seeing someone else with the same problems as me is a major turnoff.
    This is exactly how I feel. I'm not saying I'm not open to dating my own type, but I'd prefer not to. I generally don't hit it off with people who are too similar to me. I like a good contrast...but not too much. The people I am very close too are similar to me in many ways but our differences are enough to provide that contrast I need without us being so different that we can't relate to each other.
    I hate being able to relate to someone too much, as in there are hardly any differences to the point where things are getting predictable.
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  9. #19
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    I have one INFJ friend and we hit it off very well. Whenever someone joins in our conversation, s/he eventually gives up, claiming said INFJ and I have "our own language." We share the love for random, "sad-looking" things, like ruins, or restaurants with 3 tables, a certain aria.

    A romantic relationship with an INFJ? I'm open to it, but for the life of me I can't guess what it would be like.
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  10. #20
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I could never live with someone like me. I don't know how my husband stands it half the time.

    Normal people are good -- they have normal problems. Generally they don't like me much, though. I think right now, I like people who are fairly normal but refuse to pretend the emperor is wearing nice duds. Those people are the best people in the world, IMO. I can get along just fine with people like that.
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