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  1. #11
    Junior Member Claide's Avatar
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    Also, a random warning... if you are having deep conversations in the car and he is driving, you may end up getting lost or taking a wrong turn. Or maybe that's just me? o.0
    OH MY GOD! It ISN'T just me!

    Phew.

    I concur with the folks above. Ask him if you can explain a topic to the extent that you understand it. INFJs are understanding people; I think he'd be happy to see your effort. When he's explaining it, force him to slow down, give examples, or reexplain parts that you don't get. He would gladly do it (as long as he doesn't sense boredom or frustration - it might backfire in that context).

    Not gonna lie - we're strange creatures. We don't mean to be difficult; it's just that we spend a lot of time pondering on our idealized values. This, I think, is one of the reasons people have a hard time with INFJ's: what they perceive as unimportant conversational stuff, we often examine through the lens of our ideas (ideas that we invest our lives into). If those ideas are devalued or threatened, our whole perception of life might be threatened.

  2. #12
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Lemonade is quite possibly right as well that unless an INFJ knows you well, they hate to reveal closely held opinions either because they don't want to be misunderstood or because they know that you feel exactly the opposite.
    I want that difference of opinion. I want to know what he thinks. Not what he thinks I want to hear.

    I used to dealing with other ST's and this was never an issue. The whole NF thing is very different.

    INFJs generally appreciate people who make them try new things and that is likely part of his attraction to you. What common ground have you found between the two of you?
    He says I am "fun and exciting" and "I do things" We both cycle/mountain bike. We have that as common ground. It's actually what bonded us.

    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    You can of course, applicable to every INFJ, be a stallion in the bed chamber and put them in a half asleep half awake condition, therefore effectively disabling her to have any deep thoughts at all.
    I'm a female. He's male. Don't get me started on the bedroom antics as there is none. :steam: This is a big problem for me.

    And for the co-driver in the car, who wants to lure you into killing both of you with distracting you from the street by talking, excercising her subconcious deathwish, you ALWAYS need the eject button in your car. ( I can help you on building the apparatus, if you need me )

    Whenever possible I prefer to be the one driving. The first and only time I got into the car with him I told him that he was a 'crazy' driver. He looked a little hurt but he was all over the place! He's very coordinated but kind of clumsy. Always hurting himself. Stubbing his toes. Getting things in his eye. He always has some injury to report to me.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  3. #13
    Senior Member Koocoomoo's Avatar
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    There's an ISTP that I get along very well with
    I think they're a blast
    Except I can't really talk too much about what I deeply feel or theorize about because it leads to nowhere.
    But that's cool. i'm aiight without being everyone's best friend. =)
    I have one, that's enough

    Painfully Bipolar

  4. #14
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Is there something about guitars slung over a back and INFJ's that I need to know about...
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  5. #15
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think that if you want to get to differences of opinion, that's down the road after he's sure he can trust you and your responses. He likely senses your ambivalence and unless he is sure that you are around for awhile, he's not going to risk conflict. The INFJ expressing difference of opinion is one of the ways you know you are in with an INFJ. I expect you have your own set of gateways and test points. They're just different than his.

    An NF is a whole different kettle of fish than dealing with an ST and probably will not accept bluntness without at least internally registering hurt or annoyance. Case in point: calling him a crazy driver. Probably already is a sore spot, as he is clumsy (so am I - lack of Se).

    If you don't like him in the bedroom and you don't feel you relate well to him personally, what do you guys have going for you as a couple, other than biking?

  6. #16
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think that if you want to get to differences of opinion, that's down the road after he's sure he can trust you and your responses. He likely senses your ambivalence and unless he is sure that you are around for awhile, he's not going to risk conflict. The INFJ expressing difference of opinion is one of the ways you know you are in with an INFJ. I expect you have your own set of gateways and test points. They're just different than his.
    If you don't like him in the bedroom and you don't feel you relate well to him personally, what do you guys have going for you as a couple, other than biking?

    It's not that I don't like him in the bedroom - I have nothing to judge on. We do get along very well. He's really laid back and it's comfortable being around him. He genuinely cares about me. That's a nice feeling.

    Thanks for your insight. The fact that I started this thread means I'm grasping at straws with the relationship. I'm attempting to see if I'm missing some piece of information that will give me some sort of "ah-ha!" moment.

    But it has helped as I'm starting to see that we are always going to be stalemated. I can't be anything but blunt. That's just how I am. He can't help being sensitive. That's just how he is. I think we are better off as friends.

    An NF is a whole different kettle of fish than dealing with an ST and probably will not accept bluntness without at least internally registering hurt or annoyance. Case in point: calling him a crazy driver. Probably already is a sore spot, as he is clumsy (so am I - lack of Se).
    See. I meant absolutely no harm or insult when I said that. Yet, I saw his reaction and knew that he registered hurt/confusion for a split second. To me, I was just stating a fact based upon what I witnessed. I actually think his clumsiness is cute. He may not read that in me tho.

    Once again. Thanks for everyone's posts. It's clarified things for me.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  7. #17
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I know you didn't mean anything negative! I think you are right about your conclusions. It's kind of like asking a fish to live on land for either of you...

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