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[ENFP] What's wrong with the ENFP?

corey_vann

New member
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
153
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8sx
How on earth is eating controlled, periodic meals any sign of maturity ?

I should elaborate. I watched this girl eat gummy worms, sour patch kids, and a gigantic sugary something-or-other from starbucks as a meal, then complain about a stomach ache like a little girl and she couldn't figure out why. if that's not a sign of immaturity, or at least stupidity, i'm not entirely sure what is.
 

Waffle

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
76
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ENFP
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2
I should elaborate. I watched this girl eat gummy worms, sour patch kids, and a gigantic sugary something-or-other from starbucks as a meal, then complain about a stomach ache like a little girl and she couldn't figure out why. if that's not a sign of immaturity, or at least stupidity, i'm not entirely sure what is.

... Wahh.
Though I tend to keep it balanced these days, but still with a fairly high level of sugar. But again, I think this just depends on the person. I knew an INFP who would live on booze, sugar, and NyQuil if he could. Or an INTJ who would live on Carl's Jr. Bourbon Burgers and fries.
 

corey_vann

New member
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
153
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8sx
... Wahh.
Though I tend to keep it balanced these days, but still with a fairly high level of sugar. But again, I think this just depends on the person. I knew an INFP who would live on booze, sugar, and NyQuil if he could.

lol. i'm not the most healthy eater on the planet either. i've hear that ENTJs are usually body conscious, and while i'm conscious of my body, i don't do the maintenance other's seem too. as you pointed out, the stereotype of and INFP doesn't fit your acquaintance, but he's still an INFP. people are more than four letters.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
Shit no. I'm ESTJ and more bubbly than any ENFP on here.

...And if anyone says it's because I'm ENFP, or I will seriously kick his/her ass.
....because you secretly hate ENFPs, stop the hateness!! Besides II swear at some point you used to rip on ESTJs
 

Waffle

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
76
MBTI Type
ENFP
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2
lol. i'm not the most healthy eater on the planet either. i've hear that ENTJs are usually body conscious, and while i'm conscious of my body, i don't do the maintenance other's seem too. as you pointed out, the stereotype of and INFP doesn't fit your acquaintance, but he's still an INFP. people are more than four letters.

Agreed, I definitely don't embody all aspects of an ENFP. I tend to be slightly more withdrawn than a lot of my fellow ENFPs, but still friendly. I just don't bubble over with every emotion I feel. I've also definitely gone down on the hyper scale.

I will say this for my dislike of the ENFP: We tend to stay dedicated to relationships that have died due to a sense of duty. It's better to be dumped than dump someone, am I right? Much more of a clean break.
 

corey_vann

New member
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
153
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8sx
Agreed, I definitely don't embody all aspects of an ENFP. I tend to be slightly more withdrawn than a lot of my fellow ENFPs, but still friendly. I just don't bubble over with every emotion I feel.

I've only recently learned that there are percentages and everything to all of this along with secondary and teritary(?) functions. An INFP friend of mine tried explaining it to me, but I was too tired to really pay attention. Also, I talk about this stuff enough that knowing more about it might cause me to be more alienated than I already am. :nerd:

I've also definitely gone down on the hyper scale.

I will admit, I did find my ENFP friend adorable at times with her childlike behavior. It would also surprise me when she would blurt out an observation that I hadn't noticed (usually an emotional one) which I found helpful and comforting. The main problem I had was her lack of more grown up behavior (she was 20 or 21 at the time). I attribute this to the way she was raised more than temperment, though I'm sure temperment played into how she coped with the way she was raised. I knew her because she was dating/living with an INTJ buddy of mine. We would still talk even after they broke up, but she so consistently made bad choices that I saw her as liability and stopped talking to her.

I will say this for my dislike of the ENFP: We tend to stay dedicated to relationships that have died due to a sense of duty. It's better to be dumped than dump someone, am I right? Much more of a clean break.

Let me see if I'm understanding this correctly. You see the sense of duty to the relationship as a plus? I'm not knocking that, just making sure I'm understanding correctly. I don't know if it's better to be the dumper or dumpee, though I do agree that a clean break is best if you want to get over it as soon as possible.

It also seems I missed the point of your original post. No, I don't think that any temperment is best. They all have their strengths, weaknesses, biases, and stereotypes. I think that knowing your type and developing it as much as possible, along with being a well developed person, is the best "type."

I don't know if you're aware of it, but I think a great site to help with that is personalitypage.com. Here's a link to the ENFP personal growth page.

ENFP Personal Growth
 

Waffle

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
76
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ENFP
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2
corey_vann said:
I will admit, I did find my ENFP friend adorable at times with her childlike behavior. It would also surprise me when she would blurt out an observation that I hadn't noticed (usually an emotional one) which I found helpful and comforting. The main problem I had was her lack of more grown up behavior (she was 20 or 21 at the time). I attribute this to the way she was raised more than temperment, though I'm sure temperment played into how she coped with the way she was raised. I knew her because she was dating/living with an INTJ buddy of mine. We would still talk even after they broke up, but she so consistently made bad choices that I saw her as liability and stopped talking to her.

Hahaha. That sounds exactly like me. I tend to look and seem childlike, but every so often I'll stop and say an observation. I'm always watching everyone ( Not in a judging way, just wondering how the other person is feeling and how I can help.) I do tend to make bad decisions, but I can usually correct them pretty fast so that I don't usually upset anyone too much.


corey_vann said:
Let me see if I'm understanding this correctly. You see the sense of duty to the relationship as a plus? I'm not knocking that, just making sure I'm understanding correctly. I don't know if it's better to be the dumper or dumpee, though I do agree that a clean break is best if you want to get over it as soon as possible.

It also seems I missed the point of your original post. No, I don't think that any temperment is best. They all have their strengths, weaknesses, biases, and stereotypes. I think that knowing your type and developing it as much as possible, along with being a well developed person, is the best "type."

I don't know if you're aware of it, but I think a great site to help with that is personalitypage.com. Here's a link to the ENFP personal growth page.

ENFP Personal Growth


I say this as a problem because people I've dated have found out how unhappy I'd been afterwards but had stayed anyway. This angered them to no end, because a relationship is two parts of a whole. They felt like I was wasting their time.
The same goes for my ENFP best friend. He stayed in his relationship waaaaaaaay past the time where he kept loving his partner, and his partner began to grow more attached. He felt bad and stayed until it became so glaringly obvious that it wouldn't work out.
Also, I can't tell you how many times I've read that page, and I'd liek to say I'm slowly improving. I used to never speak my mind in a relationship, but now I try to be honest, even at the risk of upsetting the other person. So far I've found that honesty is the best policy.

I guess my reason for the post was to ask people for their personal problems with the ENFP and why they might have them... And to also wonder why it was thought of as a less favored MBTI.
 

corey_vann

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Aug 22, 2009
Messages
153
MBTI Type
ENTJ
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8sx
I say this as a problem because people I've dated have found out how unhappy I'd been afterwards but had stayed anyway. This angered them to no end, because a relationship is two parts of a whole. They felt like I was wasting their time.

I understand. I've only had one of what I'd consider to be an actual girlfriend. She is an INFJ and from the very get-go told me I would have to break up with her because she can't do it. I remember thinking, "Thanks for making me the asshole before I even get the chance." In short, we broke up, and by "we broke up," I mean that I broke up with her. I could tell it wasn't going anywhere and, to be honest, I stayed with her three months longer than I should have. I didn't like the idea of wasting either of our time. It must be an F thing to stay in a relationship for that reason.

Also, I can't tell you how many times I've read that page, and I'd liek to say I'm slowly improving. I used to never speak my mind in a relationship, but now I try to be honest, even at the risk of upsetting the other person. So far I've found that honesty is the best policy.

I guess my reason for the post was to ask people for their personal problems with the ENFP and why they might have them... And to also wonder why it was thought of as a less favored MBTI.

I'm glad to hear that it's been helpful. It's helped me out a lot, too. I hope the responses to your post have been helpful so far.
 

Waffle

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Dec 4, 2009
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They have. Thank you for posting! :)
 

Doubt

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Nov 21, 2009
Messages
1
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INFP
I hear you Waffle:)
I have been in a relationship with an ESTP for seven years now and have found it so difficult to leave. I just don't want to hurt him.
I am at the point now that I just can't do it anymore. I am thinking of just unplugging this computer right now and taking off.
 

wren

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Jul 3, 2009
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384
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infj
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4
It's probably been discussed before, but it seems like there is quite a lot of bias against the ENFP. The few complaints I've heard are that we're too childish and more melodramatic than any other NF (Which I have to disagree with. I knew an INFP who outdid me by miles). Do you believe any personality type is better than another?

EDIT: Alright, so I guess I didn't make this clear (I do tend to not make sense a lot of the time :doh:) but I was wondering if you've had any negative experiences with the ENFP and what made you mad at them. Personal growth pages can only tell you so much. I'd love to hear your real life experience stories.

Being an ENFP, I have had my share. I find my fellow ENFPs to often be overexcited about everything and anything, and tend to run my energy levels in to the ground.

for me i didn't know who enfp was so i made a hasty judgment initially. i don't find enfps to be anything toward me but positive. also if i'm correctly assigning type, they are inspirational people who strive on making people see the best in others. of all these mbti types, enfps are most likely the types i jibe with as friends the best! they like me yet leave me alone (still need to work on how i can be a good friend to them). on a social level they understand my intent moreso than other types and i find their modus operandi energizing.

i would have problems in an intimate relationship with this type but for friendship i love them. :hug:
 

ayoitsStepho

Twerking & Lurking
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
4,838
MBTI Type
ISFP
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4w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
The only ENFP that I've gotten to know just a tad bit is Wonkavision.
He's a smart ass, but its the charm that keeps us coming back :D

I'm pretty sure that my ex bf was an ENFP [i swear now, he wasn't NT].
He was cool and all in the beginning....but he just didn't have his crap together, not to mention he had ADHD and all that combined really drove me nuts.
He himself wasn't a very deep individual now that I look back at it....
What was I possibly thinking?!

Er... anyway. Yes, love ENFPs :D
 

sunshinEnfp

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Sep 30, 2009
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48
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ENFP
The only ENFP that I've gotten to know just a tad bit is Wonkavision.
He's a smart ass, but its the charm that keeps us coming back :D

I'm pretty sure that my ex bf was an ENFP [i swear now, he wasn't NT].
He was cool and all in the beginning....but he just didn't have his crap together, not to mention he had ADHD and all that combined really drove me nuts.
He himself wasn't a very deep individual now that I look back at it....
What was I possibly thinking?!

Er... anyway. Yes, love ENFPs :D

Not sure if that was directed at just your boyfriend or at all ENFPs, but I hate that people think that we aren't deep! Sure, it SEEMS like we operate on a superficial level, but that's just a way of connecting with people. It does not mean that there isn't substance. (But hmm, even as I write this, I wonder... haha, just kidding.)
 

Yaxblud

New member
Joined
Nov 27, 2009
Messages
5
MBTI Type
ENFP
I say this as a problem because people I've dated have found out how unhappy I'd been afterwards but had stayed anyway. This angered them to no end, because a relationship is two parts of a whole. They felt like I was wasting their time.
The same goes for my ENFP best friend. He stayed in his relationship waaaaaaaay past the time where he kept loving his partner, and his partner began to grow more attached. He felt bad and stayed until it became so glaringly obvious that it wouldn't work out.
Also, I can't tell you how many times I've read that page, and I'd liek to say I'm slowly improving. I used to never speak my mind in a relationship, but now I try to be honest, even at the risk of upsetting the other person. So far I've found that honesty is the best policy.

Oh man, this is exactly the problem I have had in relationships. If I'm at all interested in someone, I find it easy to establish an instant rapport- in fact, I can hardly help it. But I also can't help but know very soon afterward whether there's any actual potential in the relationship. The problem is by this point the other person is already attached, and has certain expectations about my feelings towards them- even if we've only hung out once or twice. Seeing the potential for hurt feelings, I decide to not be so hastily judgmental, and give them a chance to win me over before making a final decision.

Cut to months or years later, when I'm still dating this person who's never been right for me, solely because I empathized with them so quickly.

The hardest part is that I always feel I am being really honest in relationships- I never lie, or say anything I don't mean. My general attitude has been "Hey, I don't want to be with this person forever, but if they want to hang out for a while anyway, why not?"- and I've said as much to partners before.

The problem is, if you don't just break up with someone, they are never going to get that you have stopped considering them as a permanent option, no matter what you say. Particularly if you're an ENFP I think, because our empathetic behavior can often belie our true feelings for someone.

I'm getting much better about trusting my initial judgments, so at least I don't convince myself to see potential in relationships that doesn't exist (as much as I used to anyway). But it is still really hard to tell someone you aren't interested in them any more when you know, from their perspective, that you've seemed totally dedicated and interested from the start, and shouldn't be ready to call it quits so soon.

So I just try to remember that altruism is a terrible and condescending reason to stay in a relationship with anyone heh. And I am getting better about being more reserved at the beginning of a relationship, so that the other person doesn't feel swept up in a whirlwind romance right from the start, only to have it unexpectedly fizzle out.

Basically, I'm learning that in order to be respectful and honest, sometimes I have to let my empathy and general interest in people show a little bit less, even though this can feel self-abnegating in the moment.

But it is difficult. ENFPs get some flak for carelessly manipulating people's emotions, but it's not all on us. People are such dicks to each other all the time that if you're just kind and respectful to people, you often convince them that they occupy some particularly special place in your affections, even if that was not your intent. ENFPs may desire other people's approval, but people also tend to need OUR affection and approval more than they might like to admit, or than is fair to expect of us. I still occasionally get bitter emails from old friends or even exes complaining that I'm a jerk for not being in touch more- even though the entire relationship is about me supporting them through their troubles, and they can't be bothered to consider whether I get anything out of our interactions.

Actually, that describes most of my interpersonal relations, come to think of it. I know a lot of people who need to figure out how to get their shit together themselves, rather than always expecting me to do it for them just because my advice is usually right haha.

Sorry for the tl;dr, but this is my first post...
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
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6,072
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7w6
It's easy as an enfp to be annoying because everything is exciting and new. Just look at it this way, when everyone else is old and crotchety you will seem very young compared to them.

This forum has much worse bias than what you will find against enfp. You actually get less of an attitude as an ENFP. If you take time to think out your posts you really don't get much of the "enfp's are stupid and shallow flirts" thrown at you on this forum.

Also, some people confuse ENFP and ESFP when they talk about ENFPs.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
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Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
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INFJ
^I think that's true. A lot of what I've read when people complain about ENFPs seems more ESFP. But ESFPs are one of my absolute favs, so I can get with it anyway.:yay:
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
3,617
MBTI Type
INFP
It's easy as an enfp to be annoying because everything is exciting and new. Just look at it this way, when everyone else is old and crotchety you will seem very young compared to them.

This forum has much worse bias than what you will find against enfp. You actually get less of an attitude as an ENFP. If you take time to think out your posts you really don't get much of the "enfp's are stupid and shallow flirts" thrown at you on this forum.

Also, some people confuse ENFP and ESFP when they talk about ENFPs.

Yeah!

I'm the only stupid, and shallow, flirt allowed in here. :threaten:
 

Xander

Lex Parsimoniae
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,463
MBTI Type
INTP
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9w8
The only thing I can say that I consistently don't like about the ENFPs I know is that when they feel something either they try to get me to feel it too or I pick it up out of the ether. Personally I'm quite happy being cool running and no it doesn't mean there's anything wrong.

Mind you I'd guess my incessant thinking and delving into concept makes them cringe too so all's fair.
 
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