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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffle View Post
    Mostly my reason for staying in relationships is avoiding conflict, and trying never to hurt the other person. I figure that if I'm not happy with them, they won't be happy either and will leave when they're ready. I can't stand the though of ever hurting someone, so I'll be their crutch until they are ready to be on their own two legs.
    Yeah, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm often wishing someone would figure out that I'm not that into them, and break things off with me. That way, everyone saves face and no one's feelings are too badly hurt. It's like the perfect scenario- the dumpee actually wanted to be dumped!

    It never works out that well though. Yes, breaking up with people sucks. But it is exponentially better than continuing a relationship you're no longer invested in, for everyone's sake. Otherwise, you're either going to hurt them much worse down the road, or hurt yourself by staying in an unsatisfactory relationship forever. At the very least, you're wasting however much of their time it takes for them to figure out what you should have told them as soon as you knew it.

    Dammit. I think I just realized tomorrow's going to be a long day

  2. #52
    Member Waffle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yaxblud View Post
    Yeah, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm often wishing someone would figure out that I'm not that into them, and break things off with me. That way, everyone saves face and no one's feelings are too badly hurt. It's like the perfect scenario- the dumpee actually wanted to be dumped!

    It never works out that well though. Yes, breaking up with people sucks. But it is exponentially better than continuing a relationship you're no longer invested in, for everyone's sake. Otherwise, you're either going to hurt them much worse down the road, or hurt yourself by staying in an unsatisfactory relationship forever. At the very least, you're wasting however much of their time it takes for them to figure out what you should have told them as soon as you knew it.

    Dammit. I think I just realized tomorrow's going to be a long day
    D'oh! Good luck! D:

  3. #53
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffle View Post
    It's probably been discussed before, but it seems like there is quite a lot of bias against the ENFP. The few complaints I've heard are that we're too childish and more melodramatic than any other NF (Which I have to disagree with. I knew an INFP who outdid me by miles). Do you believe any personality type is better than another?

    EDIT: Alright, so I guess I didn't make this clear (I do tend to not make sense a lot of the time ) but I was wondering if you've had any negative experiences with the ENFP and what made you mad at them. Personal growth pages can only tell you so much. I'd love to hear your real life experience stories.

    Being an ENFP, I have had my share. I find my fellow ENFPs to often be overexcited about everything and anything, and tend to run my energy levels in to the ground.
    Since I'm hating on an ENFP at the moment I thought it'd be appropriate for me to respond.

    In my particular ENFP experience, he seems to be a master at bullshitting. He likes to sugar-coat things and make you believe them. He manipulates the truth and only tells you what's convenient or what he THINKS you want to hear. He's cowardly and doesn't confront you about any issues. He has also been super defensive when you call him out on his shit. Hates it when I tell him the blunt truth. Lives in total denial.

    But in the end I still friggin love him more than I hate him. Although that changes on a daily basis.

  4. #54
    Member sunshinEnfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffle View Post
    Mostly my reason for staying in relationships is avoiding conflict, and trying never to hurt the other person. I figure that if I'm not happy with them, they won't be happy either and will leave when they're ready. I can't stand the though of ever hurting someone, so I'll be their crutch until they are ready to be on their own two legs.
    I'm sort of glad I'm not the only ENFP with relationship issues. I was in a relationship for 11 months, trying to make the other person happy. I left for a few days, but came back because they were upset. It ended in them dumping me, and now the deny even knowing me though we attend a school where we see each other all day long. I guess my ulterior motive is the joy i get from watching people be happy. I just don't want to be hated.
    See, I value honesty much more than wanting to avoid conflict. Like, I do not like conflict, but in terms of a relationship, I would never want someone to be with me just because they don't want to hurt me. I would rather them just say it, so I offer the same to other people as well. Honesty is the best policy, even if it means conflict sometimes.

    But I will say, if it's someone I am not particularly close to, then I might pretend to like them (if I am not going to be interacting with them that much). It might be fake, but I don't want to hurt their feelings by being like, "Actually, you annoy me." It's just easier for me to avoid those kinds of people and just be nice when I am interacting with them.

    Did I seem to contradict myself? Oh... I am an ENFP. (But both cases are completely different!)

  5. #55
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    I only know 1 ENFP IRL and he exudes charm and he is extremely funny and has high high energy and we get along pretty well. But he is not the healthiest specimen, he spent a bit too much time with his family as a kid and not around other people so he tends to act like them, and have a serious need for acceptance and for me and the rest of our friends to approve of the choices he makes and things he does. He is competitive to a fault, and he runs from all his problems.

    He met a girl a few years back, 1st girl he ever laid, she tried to break it off with him by moving to chicago, he dropped his job and everything to follow her, and he convinced her to let him by paying for everything, her school, the rent, everything. When he discovered that he was miserable there he moved to NY, when she moved back they got married and finnally lived together, and now the pattern is that every time they live together for a few months he gets miserable and they need to move somewhere else to get that "new" feeling back. He cant just stick with what he has, I think its because he knows he has nothing in common with her, but he cant bring himself to leave her because its the 1st girl he ever loved... its pretty odd though because he spends every weekend at my house to get away from her.

    and he tends to be a social chameleon he is a different person to every group of friends he has, and he does not allow those groups to mix. He refuses to let his friends hang out with him and his wife at the same time because he doesnt know who to be, ive seen it a few times its very awkward.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  6. #56
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Since I'm hating on an ENFP at the moment I thought it'd be appropriate for me to respond.

    In my particular ENFP experience, he seems to be a master at bullshitting. He likes to sugar-coat things and make you believe them. He manipulates the truth and only tells you what's convenient or what he THINKS you want to hear. He's cowardly and doesn't confront you about any issues. He has also been super defensive when you call him out on his shit. Hates it when I tell him the blunt truth. Lives in total denial.
    Yeah, I find the sugar-coating ENFP's extremely annoying too. I'm cool with the notion that they care about my feelings, but if that "care" boils down to lying for "my" sake... uh, no. Just NO.

    ENFP's are THE quickest type to take offense... They take just about EVERYTHING personally... even when someone tells them something wasn't supposed to be personal. They find emotional subtexts in ANYTHING, even when none were intended.

    ENFP's are VERY manipulative. I know an ENFP's who manipulated a heck of a lot of people into hating specific "persons."

    Did I mention ENFP's can be really "good" backstabbers? They may act like they're your best friend, when they're really spreading horrible rumors about you behind the scenes, trying to make as many people hate you as possible.

    And then, when you confront them, they tell you that THEY were the ones trying to "help you out" by talking to people who hates you. They act like THEY are the saints, offering you a hand before everybody else and all that. The truth is, they've gotten over their tantrum (they bounce back quickly, remember :steam and don't know how to deal with the mess they've generated in the process. That's when the guilt starts kicking in for them.

    This equation rings particularly true for an ENFP I know IRL. Totally what she'd say:
    "Everyone hates you." = "I hate you and I've manipulated everyone else into hating you too."

    I also hate how ENFP's want to be liked by everyone. Seriously - it just isn't going to happen. Suck it up and move on. Don't throw a tantrum over it. Don't spread horrible, fake rumors to the WHOLE $#&%ing SCHOOL about your "hater" (two $@^#ing ENFP's did this to me, just because they thought I hated them. ). Don't go whining to your best friend, I can so see that happening.

    Gah.

    No offense healthy ENFP's out there. But the ENFP's I've known thus far in life have been... terrible...
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    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  7. #57
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    The ENFPs I've known tend to be either really good or really bad. I'll define "really good" as emotionally mature, not histrionic, empathetic, but able to set healthy boundaries. I'll define "really bad" as overly focused on having new and emotionally exciting experiences... at the expense of following through and self-reflection which is critical in making sure that the ENFP's behaviors are in synch with their values. An ENFP who is not following their own value system is a sight to behold indeed.

    Healthy ENFPs have to go through a cycle that begins with taking in new information and experiencing new things. Afterward, they must reflect upon if such newly acquired knowledge and experiences are really in keeping with the ENFPs big picture plan for themselves. This culling process is critical in an emotionally healthy ENFP... and often overlooked in an unhealthy (or immature) ENFP.

    I very much like being an ENFP, but I've got to tell you that an ENFP who has not learned how to cut the wheat from the chaff is a mess. Ugh!

    Furthermore, since ENFPs are so easily able to express their inner thoughts, an unhealthy ENFP is readily apparent to the casual observer. In other words, it is in an ENFPs nature to openly share their inner world, healthy or not. This skews the data, I think, so that some people assume that ENFPs might be more unhealthy than other types, but this is not so.

    Take for example an unhealthy INFJ, who might be just as much of a mess as our unhealthy/hypothetical ENFP. Since INFJs tend to hold their cards so much closer to their chest than the average ENFP, it would take more interaction with the unhealthy INFJ to get a read on their unhealthy vibe. Not so with the ENFP, that just hangs it all out when compared with most other types.

  8. #58
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    ENFPs seem to just blurt out the things that come to mind, sometimes coming out the wrong way and receiving varied reactions.

    it's not "wrong", though. usually it's funny and endearing to me.
    it can be annoying at times, but not usually. good people.

  9. #59
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Nothing - we are perfect! XD

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  10. #60
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffle View Post
    Agreed, I definitely don't embody all aspects of an ENFP. I tend to be slightly more withdrawn than a lot of my fellow ENFPs, but still friendly. I just don't bubble over with every emotion I feel. I've also definitely gone down on the hyper scale.

    I will say this for my dislike of the ENFP: We tend to stay dedicated to relationships that have died due to a sense of duty. It's better to be dumped than dump someone, am I right? Much more of a clean break.
    I disagree
    I have no problem ending a relationship. I prefer to do so, yes it hurts, but if I see no future in it I am going to end it. And at that, I will not remain friends with that person. I have enough friends in my life, that I do not need to keep my ex's as friends anymore.

    But that is me now, before I changed, and I just don't put up with Bull anymore, if someone, cheats on me, lies, is fake, cheap, not kind, if they don't meet my criteria, I basically dump them. That is why I am dating, at 29 and single, and not sure If I want to ever have kids either.

    I think that most people are flawed and that when I decide to settle down, or love finds me, I will take it. But I would rather be alone, cut my losses,"hurt" someone (I'm doing them a favor by letting them go), and be honest, then be together if we are not meant for each other in every way, why prolong the suffering? and be miserable, mediocre at best?
    I maintained a casual relationship with a man for 5 years ladies, I knew what I was getting into, it was nobodys falut, we were just not compatible in the end. I won't (settle) again. It comes from my learned real life experience. I didn't read it in a book. And--- for me it won't be repeated.

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