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  1. #41
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Mind you I'd guess my incessant thinking and delving into concept makes them cringe too so all's fair.
    Really?

  2. #42
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    Yeah!

    I'm the only stupid, and shallow, flirt allowed in here.
    You weren't even included in the flirt thread.

    TRY HARDER!

  3. #43
    Charting a course
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    You weren't even included in the flirt thread.

    TRY HARDER!
    If I tried any harder, I would sprain something.

    I am a stealth flirt.

    One minute the night is dark and quiet. The next, I am right overhead dropping a flirtbomb on you.

  4. #44
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    That sounds strangely gross. I don't think I want anyone overhead dropping anything on me in the middle of the night.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    That sounds strangely gross. I don't think I want anyone overhead dropping anything on me in the middle of the night.
    Hush up and take it, woman!

  6. #46
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yaxblud View Post

    Cut to months or years later, when I'm still dating this person who's never been right for me, solely because I empathized with them so quickly.

    The hardest part is that I always feel I am being really honest in relationships- I never lie, or say anything I don't mean. My general attitude has been[B] "Hey, I don't want to be with this person forever, but if they want to hang out for a while anyway, why not?"- and I've said as much to partners before.

    The problem is, if you don't just break up with someone, they are never going to get that you have stopped considering them as a permanent option, no matter what you say. Particularly if you're an ENFP I think, because our empathetic behavior can often belie our true feelings for someone.

    I'm getting much better about trusting my initial judgments, so at least I don't convince myself to see potential in relationships that doesn't exist (as much as I used to anyway). But it is still really hard to tell someone you aren't interested in them any more when you know, from their perspective, that you've seemed totally dedicated and interested from the start, and shouldn't be ready to call it quits so soon.

    So I just try to remember that altruism is a terrible and condescending reason to stay in a relationship with anyone heh. And I am getting better about being more reserved at the beginning of a relationship, so that the other person doesn't feel swept up in a whirlwind romance right from the start, only to have it unexpectedly fizzle out.

    Basically, I'm learning that in order to be respectful and honest, sometimes I have to let my empathy and general interest in people show a little bit less, even though this can feel self-abnegating in the moment.
    I think it's awesome that you recognize some of this!!

    But, man, reading a lot of this just makes me cringe, as I operate so differently...I simply can't comprehend not breaking up with someone if you don't see any long term potential. It seems like you're living a lie otherwise (at least I would feel that way if I knew there was nothing longterm..which is why I would break up with the person immediately once I realized that). If there will be inevitable hurt at some point, why not nip it in the bud sooner rather than later when things have become that much more built up? I think what you've described is a huge reason I would have a hard time trusting the enfp in a romantic relationship...I mean, I would hate to think someone was still with me just because they were afraid to hurt me; but like others have said, enfp's make great, interesting, fun friends.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  7. #47
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    ENFP annoy be because they can make people totally enthousiastic about something and then don't follow through.

    However.

    I can't complain about that, because in precisely that aspect, I'm a total ENFP...
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  8. #48
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I mean, I would hate to think someone was still with me just because they were afraid to hurt me; but like others have said, enfp's make great, interesting, fun friends.
    Like any other type, immaturity in an ENFP can hurt romantic relationships.

  9. #49
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Like any other type, immaturity in an ENFP can hurt romantic relationships.
    Oh, no doubt. I almost put in my usual 'but of course it varies by individual' disclaimer, but left it out this time around.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  10. #50
    Member Waffle's Avatar
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    Mostly my reason for staying in relationships is avoiding conflict, and trying never to hurt the other person. I figure that if I'm not happy with them, they won't be happy either and will leave when they're ready. I can't stand the though of ever hurting someone, so I'll be their crutch until they are ready to be on their own two legs.
    I'm sort of glad I'm not the only ENFP with relationship issues. I was in a relationship for 11 months, trying to make the other person happy. I left for a few days, but came back because they were upset. It ended in them dumping me, and now the deny even knowing me though we attend a school where we see each other all day long. I guess my ulterior motive is the joy i get from watching people be happy. I just don't want to be hated.

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