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  1. #1
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    Default INFJs and trauma

    I have always felt stupid because things have happened to me that were traumatic in my eyes but had they happened to someone else, they may be somewhat affected but would soon move on and forget.

    Am I stupid for being traumatized for being yelled at when I was young for example? Is feeling trauma from such a thing justified?

    Other INFJs, what is the most traumatic thing you have experienced or at least say whether you think it would affect a non-INFJ as much as it affected you.

    I知 almost embarrassed by my sensitivity. I feel that if I share my traumatic experiences with someone else they値l say that I知 soft and won稚 understand and fathom how such a seemingly small incident could affect someone so much.

    Our sensitivity really is blessing and a curse but in my life I feel it has being, more so, a curse.

    I'm very phobic and have many complexes because I have painful memories associated with certain things.

    Experiences? Thoughts? Am I alone in this?


    Thin-skinned INFJ

  2. #2
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    No, I don't think you're alone. I find as an INFJ that forgiving and forgetting is very difficult. Well...actually, I think that I personally am a funny mixture of thick and thin-skinned. There are a lot of things that I consider minor and not remotely worth getting offended over that would wind other people right up. But the things that do hurt me or traumatize me...man, do they ever hurt. If I don't get closure/proper discussion/apologies from the person responsible (or partly responsible, because I try to acknowledge where I've gone wrong too) I can end up hanging onto a grudge for years, literally.

    I'm not sure about the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me, but a few years ago I was in a four-month relationship which sent me into a year-long depression when it ended, and took me a total of about 2 years to get over. For a lot of other types (and maybe even some other INFJs!) that would qualify as excessive trauma! But it wasn't that I WANTED to hang onto the pain - it just stuck around and try as I might I couldn't seem to get rid of it.

    I think being very sensitive can be a good thing as far as feeling empathy for others, but it can really cause a lot of personal pain/trauma. That's my experience.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    My mom told me how clever I was at least 30 times a day growing up, but the one day that's just emblazoned in my memory was the time I was supposed to reach up and grab a rope to our storage unit (I was eight) and use my weight to pull it down, when lifted by her. It hurt my fingers, but I didn't really say that, I just kept letting go...until she called me a dummy.

    Compared to the names that other kids are called with much greater frequency, that's really not a huge deal, especially considering the amount of stress she was under at the time, but yeah. Traumatized.

    On the flip side, I recall easily, with great warmth, the kind, meaningful things that people have said to me that have made an impact on me.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  4. #4
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spry View Post
    I have always felt stupid because things have happened to me that were traumatic in my eyes but had they happened to someone else, they may be somewhat affected but would soon move on and forget.

    Am I stupid for being traumatized for being yelled at when I was young for example? Is feeling trauma from such a thing justified?

    Other INFJs, what is the most traumatic thing you have experienced or at least say whether you think it would affect a non-INFJ as much as it affected you.

    I知 almost embarrassed by my sensitivity. I feel that if I share my traumatic experiences with someone else they値l say that I知 soft and won稚 understand and fathom how such a seemingly small incident could affect someone so much.

    Our sensitivity really is blessing and a curse but in my life I feel it has being, more so, a curse.

    I'm very phobic and have many complexes because I have painful memories associated with certain things.

    Experiences? Thoughts? Am I alone in this?


    Thin-skinned INFJ
    I'm exactly the same way. Very sensative and easily truamatized. It took me a long time to realize that my fragility was due to co-dependency problems in my family.
    Imagine a house. It looks strong, impenetrable. Then a storm hits, and the house is destroyed. How can that be? It looked able to withstand a minor insult, yet it did not.
    Something was wrong in the house that you couldn't see. Termites weakened it. It's foundation was compromised.

  5. #5
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    How do INFJ's undo the damage if they don't receive closure?

    Do you find it hard to verbalize these traumatic experiences and if so, why?
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  6. #6
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spry View Post
    I have always felt stupid because things have happened to me that were traumatic in my eyes but had they happened to someone else, they may be somewhat affected but would soon move on and forget.

    Am I stupid for being traumatized for being yelled at when I was young for example? Is feeling trauma from such a thing justified?

    Other INFJs, what is the most traumatic thing you have experienced or at least say whether you think it would affect a non-INFJ as much as it affected you.

    I知 almost embarrassed by my sensitivity. I feel that if I share my traumatic experiences with someone else they値l say that I知 soft and won稚 understand and fathom how such a seemingly small incident could affect someone so much.

    Our sensitivity really is blessing and a curse but in my life I feel it has being, more so, a curse.

    I'm very phobic and have many complexes because I have painful memories associated with certain things.

    Experiences? Thoughts? Am I alone in this?


    Thin-skinned INFJ
    I was sexually molested by a neighbor, both of my parents were drug addicts and we lived in a hood where people died of OD's, were shot and killed or stabbed to death regularly. My mother nearly died birthing my brother (3 months early) and a host of other terrible things. Lots of beatings, was forced into raising my baby brothers because Dad was gone and mom was addicted to drugs. I used to go to the crack house for her with the money and get it for her (dont tell anyone) she would say. I learned a lot of lessons early on about self reliance and not having much of a childhood. I think I have a large bill to pay emotionally one day when I find the right time, but it has also given me vast reserves of internal strength and fortitude with dealing with new pain.

    I think that toughed my skin up a lot when I was a boy. I am much tougher today, then again every time I drink alcohol and lose control of myself lots of anger comes out. So I dunno.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  7. #7
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    How do INFJ's undo the damage if they don't receive closure?

    Do you find it hard to verbalize these traumatic experiences and if so, why?
    Lots of them just internalize the pain for good. Until way later.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  8. #8
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    How do INFJ's undo the damage if they don't receive closure?

    Do you find it hard to verbalize these traumatic experiences and if so, why?
    I too, had a difficult childhood and never received closure. It wasn't nearly as difficult as Billy's sounds, and I'm not going to go into specifics, but it took me years, to get to the point where I could let go of it all. It did happen though. I never did reckless things to get over it, my mind just worked everything out on it's own, it took its sweet time... I looked at why I felt the way I did and since I had control over that, that is what I worked on.

    For the longest time, probably about ten years, I never spoke in depth about my earlier difficulties, I would make jokes but I never talked about any of it seriously. Everything was a joke. It's interesting because I'll say something to one of my best friends, and I grew up with them, but they had no idea, because I never spoke to them about it. Now, however, I can talk about anything, if I feel I can trust you.

    To the OP - I also, think that my experiences made me a much stronger person. I don't know who I'd be without them. Everyone grows from their experiences and you tend to do the most soul searching with things that really got to you, so in a way maybe some of them can still be horrible in the short term but helpful in the long term.

    You also can't downplay something that "traumatizes" you, it is what it is. One person's bad day is another person's walk in the park. Just work with what you have and try to overcome it. I like constant evolution of self .
    Last edited by Lux; 12-04-2009 at 01:59 PM. Reason: hmmm.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau
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  9. #9
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Lots of them just internalize the pain for good. Until way later.
    My sister's best friend is INFJ.
    Her brother died in front of her eyes when he was 9 years old, She was 12.
    She's 50 now, and has never recovered from this. She's a nervous wreck. She is emotionally frozen at the age of 12. And the only way to get over it is to face it, and feel it all again...

  10. #10
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    My sister's best friend is INFJ.
    Her brother died in front of her eyes when he was 9 years old, She was 12.
    She's 50 now, and has never recovered from this. She's a nervous wreck. She is emotionally frozen at the age of 12. And the only way to get over it is to face it, and feel it all again...
    Yes this is true, I have been "self medicating" myself for a while hiding in alcohol or weed, but I had recently taken major steps in fixing this shit. One incident was that I got extremely drunk and smashed all my houses furniture and tv and laptop. I had a major panic attack while at the same time being on fire mentally wanting to crush, rip and eviscerate. The alcohol held the doors open and those feelings couldn't be stopped. My brother came to help me and I ended up collapsing and crying in his arms for a good hour. I hadn't felt so good in a long time afterward, letting all those feelings out that I had been holding onto for 20+ years. There is still a lot of residual feeling left in there which I have been attacking via my writing about shit that happened to me as a kid and growing up, I put it on a public space so my family could read it, and there is no turning back. But I think I am on the right track.
    Ground control to Major Tom

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