User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 24

  1. #11
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    599

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    How do INFJ's undo the damage if they don't receive closure?

    Do you find it hard to verbalize these traumatic experiences and if so, why?
    First, I try to seek closure as much as possible, and I've always gotten it to one degree or another. I wouldn't allow someone I know to traumatize me deeply and get away scot-free.

    Undoing the damage involved analyzing the person who hurt me from every possible angle... trying to understand why they acted the way they did, how much was their fault vs. mine, the ways in which their personality type played a role, what their feelings were towards me, how did I feel about them, and what aspects of that person do I feel compassion for, in retrospect. A truly traumatizing situation requires a lot of in-depth exploration. In my case, it has to be analyzed by thinking (Ti) first, then Fe towards the other person (involves compassion and ultimately forgiveness), and Fi (what were my feelings about the situation i.e. how did it make me feel).

    I don't find it hard to verbalize traumatic experiences. Talking about it is therapeutic.

  2. #12
    morose bourgeoisie
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,859

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Yes this is true, I have been "self medicating" myself for a while hiding in alcohol or weed, but I had recently taken major steps in fixing this shit. One incident was that I got extremely drunk and smashed all my houses furniture and tv and laptop. I had a major panic attack while at the same time being on fire mentally wanting to crush, rip and eviscerate. The alcohol held the doors open and those feelings couldn't be stopped. My brother came to help me and I ended up collapsing and crying in his arms for a good hour. I hadn't felt so good in a long time afterward, letting all those feelings out that I had been holding onto for 20+ years. There is still a lot of residual feeling left in there which I have been attacking via my writing about shit that happened to me as a kid and growing up, I put it on a public space so my family could read it, and there is no turning back. But I think I am on the right track.
    It sounds like you are, Billy. Keep going, no matter how much it hurts. I have found that dealing with old feelings aren't isn't as bad once you resolve to finally really feel them.
    In April, I lost my older sister (Karen) to an overdose of drugs and alcohol, so this stuff is pretty important to me. She and I had the same parents, although she had it worse than I did. Her death has made me start to see the pain I have pushed away...
    I medicate with weed daily, but I know I have to stop. I'm beginning to see the spiritual folly of such a path. I now see that whatever you don't face starts to face you, until that's about all you can see. It has been really shocking to discover that so much of what I thought of as my 'self' is based on a bunch of tape loops from childhood, that have outlived their usefulness. What was helpful to prevent total collapse then, is now an impediment to growth. What you don't face, demands attention one way or another.

  3. #13
    Charting a course
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,638

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    It sounds like you are, Billy. Keep going, no matter how much it hurts. I have found that dealing with old feelings aren't isn't as bad once you resolve to finally really feel them.

    I medicate with weed daily, but I know I have to stop. I'm beginning to see the spiritual folly of such a path. I now see that whatever you don't face starts to face you, until that's about all you can see. It has been really shocking to discover that so much of what I thought of as my 'self' is based on a bunch of tape loops from childhood, that have outlived their usefulness. What was helpful to prevent total collapse then, is now an impediment to growth. What you don't face, demands attention one way or another.

  4. #14
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    I was sexually molested by a neighbor, both of my parents were drug addicts and we lived in a hood where people died of OD's, were shot and killed or stabbed to death regularly. My mother nearly died birthing my brother (3 months early) and a host of other terrible things. Lots of beatings, was forced into raising my baby brothers because Dad was gone and mom was addicted to drugs. I used to go to the crack house for her with the money and get it for her (dont tell anyone) she would say. I learned a lot of lessons early on about self reliance and not having much of a childhood. I think I have a large bill to pay emotionally one day when I find the right time, but it has also given me vast reserves of internal strength and fortitude with dealing with new pain.

    I think that toughed my skin up a lot when I was a boy. I am much tougher today, then again every time I drink alcohol and lose control of myself lots of anger comes out. So I dunno.
    We could have an interesting who's angrier competition.

    Although I suspect you would win out in the end.

  5. #15
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Yes this is true, I have been "self medicating" myself for a while hiding in alcohol or weed, but I had recently taken major steps in fixing this shit. One incident was that I got extremely drunk and smashed all my houses furniture and tv and laptop. I had a major panic attack while at the same time being on fire mentally wanting to crush, rip and eviscerate. The alcohol held the doors open and those feelings couldn't be stopped. My brother came to help me and I ended up collapsing and crying in his arms for a good hour. I hadn't felt so good in a long time afterward, letting all those feelings out that I had been holding onto for 20+ years. There is still a lot of residual feeling left in there which I have been attacking via my writing about shit that happened to me as a kid and growing up, I put it on a public space so my family could read it, and there is no turning back. But I think I am on the right track.
    This is why I love MMA. Its a way to get over the pain without having to use substances as a crutch.

    EDIT: I still use substances as a crutch though.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Ethereal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Internalizing conflict is relatively common for all the INXX's, though in different ways. The fact that we are introverts who read in-between the lines means that we often blow things out of proportion, for better or for worse. After all, from what little I have seen (which admittedly is not that much) most of the different sob stories on this forum (or at least the N branches) are from the INXX's.

    This often confounds others. My ENFJ mother has always criticized me for being too clingy to only the bad memories and for blowing them out of proportion. Sometimes this has been true, but more often than not its her being confounded by my introversion. We live in a society that is dominated by E's and S's. INXX's aren't wired for these types of stimuli, and it may very well be negatively effecting us in our own unique ways.

    By nature, the INFJ's are the least able to disconnect from such a society.

  7. #17
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    7
    Posts
    879

    Default

    Wanted to add, Billy, that I think INFJs might actually have a leg up on other types when it comes to sorting through hard core trauma and bringing it to closure. I've been through some really significant crap in my life, too, including the SA of me and my sib, and I've found that being self-aware and sorting through what makes the person who hurt me tick, however screwed up it might be, is actually empowering and cathartic.

    From the outside, it can look like obsession to others while you're sorting through it, but, really, being able to understand your child self from an adult perspective can help you know yourself. We might internalize things easily, but we can untangle them relatively quickly, too, and come away with a good understanding of why everything happened the way it did. I think we cling to memories, because we know there's something there that's worth understanding...we just need to noodle it for a while. That's half the healing battle, IMO.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  8. #18
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    2,158

    Default

    "The Highly Sensitive Person" and "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love", both by Elaine Aron.

    Whether it be the sounds of a loud fire truck, blaring loud music, physical ailments/symptoms, being yelled at or criticized, experiencing a difficult childhood or breakup, highly sensitive people are affected by things on a much deeper level. They are more easily annoyed, more easily brought to ecstasy and pure joy, more easily irritated, saddened, and feel physical pain more easily (and much deeper). These books were eye openers for me. Really explained a lot of things about childhood (and adulthood) that I knew were different, but didn't understand.

  9. #19
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    2w1
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    504

    Default

    My best friend that is an INFJ is scared of dangly earings. He can't handle them. I do not wear them and notice when others do because the look on his face. It's hard to see but it is there - and I know he is freaking out a little inside.

    I think perhaps he tore an earing out of someone ear as a baby or child, and the person was most likely so upset that he became terrified of earings that hang from the ear.

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
    Enneagram: 2w1 SO/SP Socionics: ENFp
    Cognitive Process
    Se 30.4% Si 19.1% - Ne 38.4% Ni 26.4% - Te 23.1% Ti 20% - Fe 46.4% Fi 35.8%
    Sanguine | Phlegmatic
    Right Brain Dominant

  10. #20
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Spry View Post
    I have always felt stupid because things have happened to me that were traumatic in my eyes but had they happened to someone else, they may be somewhat affected but would soon move on and forget.

    Am I stupid for being traumatized for being yelled at when I was young for example? Is feeling trauma from such a thing justified?

    Other INFJs, what is the most traumatic thing you have experienced or at least say whether you think it would affect a non-INFJ as much as it affected you.

    Iím almost embarrassed by my sensitivity. I feel that if I share my traumatic experiences with someone else theyíll say that Iím soft and wonít understand and fathom how such a seemingly small incident could affect someone so much.

    Our sensitivity really is blessing and a curse but in my life I feel it has being, more so, a curse.

    I'm very phobic and have many complexes because I have painful memories associated with certain things.

    Experiences? Thoughts? Am I alone in this?


    Thin-skinned INFJ
    What you mentioned in the first paragraph is pretty common, especially among introverted feelers. Introverts with the feeling preference also tend to judge themselves harshly for something they see as wrong, but won't judge someone else at all for doing the same thing.

    There is nothing wrong with it, it's good to be in touch with what's happening. That said, you have to remember phrases like, "This too shall pass" and also that sometimes tough things happen to EVERYONE. Eventually, we all have trauma of some kind (some more than others...unfortunately the world isn't fair, except for karma). Also, people often are jerks. I couldn't believe how mean some people could be when I was first exposed to that behavior, but over time it's important to just accept it was kind of a universal reality. Once I realized that everyone is basically as vulnerable as we are, but deal with it in different ways, I strangely felt better. Some people deal with it by yelling at others, or trying to act tough; some just completely ignore everything, but might be bleeding inside. Just because they don't show it doesn't mean it's not happening. I think IFs are just usually more open and honest about feeling vulnerable, not just in their words, but in their physical cues. It projects, and people pick it up. Over time I've had to learn to just hide my more vulnerable side from most people, because most would take advantage of it.

    When I was in junior high, I grew up being one of the couple of my background in school (being of Iraqi descent). There was nothing really wrong with me, although I was a bit on the shy side, but I different from the other kids, and I grew up somewhere where being different wasn't necessarily embraced. Kids would pick on me and start fights with me. Luckily for me, my dad had given me boxing lessons when I was very little, and so I could actually fight pretty well, and word got around about it. After a while no one laid a hand on me, but it didn't stop the emotional abuse; people made still made fun of me and called me names, often in large groups. I got called a wide variety of names throughout those times.

    One time, this "popular" girl told me she thought I was cute and wanted to go out with me either on a dare or as a joke. I thought she might've been playing a trick on me because I was pretty sure she didn't like me, but I said I'd go out with her because I didn't want to risk hurting her feelings if she was actually serious. She of course wasn't, so when I said yes, she and her friends laughed at me and called me a loser in front of everyone. People who were neutral with me were even laughing. A whole crowd of people laughing at me. I reacted by saying, "Oh, I didn't know you were kidding. If I had known that, I would've said no."

    That seems like nothing, and it really is, but it hurt because I started thinking that I was the type of guy that girls thought was laughably unsuitable for any kind of dating. I also thought that "popular, pretty girls" would never want to go out with me, and that all pretty girls were mean. Luckily that's not true.

    Another time, I got called up in front of my math class to solve a word problem on a day where I forgot to put my glasses on. Everything was on the overhead projector and it was somewhat blurry, coupled with my horrible vision. I couldn't see anything on the projector, and tried to explain it to the teacher, but she made me try to read it anyway. I just couldn't, so she handed me the transparent sheet from the projector and told me to try to solve the problem that way. Everyone was laughing at this point, and I still couldn't solve the problem even when I could read through it. Even the teacher was laughing at me by this point (I'm not kidding), so I just sat down out of embarrassment. To add insult to injury, I heard stories from a friend that a whole lunch table of people were laughing at me later on that day.

    Of a more recent thing, while at work, a chair I was sitting on was faulty (one of the legs was breaking) and broke. I fell about six feet off of a stage landing right on my ass. The reaction was a mixture of laughing and genuine concern, but more of it was laughing. I guess it was somewhat funny, but I thought it was pretty cruel of some people to be laughing at me for being in an accident that wasn't even my fault. I handled it by laughing at it too, but deep down I felt pretty hurt, like I was basically a big f**k up.

    Anyway, my point is as much as stuff like this can hurt, you just have to realize things happen and people are often jerks. Keep your shield up, although look out for the wonderful people in your life (there probably won't be many though). Just remember this...

    "There's no sense in gettin' riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should...

    Plus I have a really large penis, that keeps me happy."

    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] INFJ and Japan
    By hideki in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 65
    Last Post: 06-14-2010, 12:31 AM
  2. [INFJ] INFJs and Single-Mindedness
    By Kiddo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 11-23-2009, 06:39 PM
  3. [INFJ] INFJs and Dating
    By Kiddo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 109
    Last Post: 02-22-2009, 06:42 AM
  4. [INFJ] INFJ and Compliments
    By chippinchunk in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 01-24-2008, 09:20 AM
  5. [INFJ] INFJ and grief
    By tovlo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 12-21-2007, 06:49 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO