[ENFJ] What are nice ENFJs like?

[CzeCze]

a good friend of mine is an enfj, and she's one of the nicest people i've ever met. she's friendly and kind to everyone, has no enemies i can think of, is the perfect hostess. that being said, when she found out her ex-boyfriend cheated on her, she attacked him, ripped his hair out, and threw all his belongings out. which was so out of character because she's such a sweet, peaceful person. and he tried to get back together with her after all that lol.

I'm giggling.

I've heard ENFJs described as the type that is the quickest to flip from 0-180 as far as 'nice guy' to 'I'm kicking your ass now'. I think it's that darn Fe guided by flash-in-the-pain Ni. Fi has a more labrynthine path to take so it's more of a 'slow boil' with occasional oopsies.

I think with ENTPs (at least in the workplace) they are more like snappy piranhas (or chihuahuas) with a potentially big bite. It's always snap-snap-snap-snap and you're like "Jebus, we get it, settle down" - basically there is a pre-emptive warning and attitude or energy thrown out. With an ENFJ I think it's more a happy face that is thrown out but you can tell the lion is just being nice. Healthy ENFJs remind me of Leos in astrology, they have are magnanimous but you know they can swipe you with their claws at any time.

ENTJs combine the best/worst aspects of the two ^^ (at least in the workplace) so they can just be mean sumbitches and it's not an act.

 

[cranez]

I've seriously never met a nice ENFJ! I do beleive that they exist out there, but the only ones I've met were rather horrid people (and not just in my opinion). Can someone please tell me what nice ENFJs are like?

Wait, what? You've never met a nice ENFJ?

I am an ENFJ & not to toot my own horn but I have been told by MULTIPLE people that I am extremely easy to get along with & easily one of the nicest people they know.

Um, I'm not even sure what a rude ENFJ is like.

However, a nice ENFJ is unconditionally generous. We are giving types, so as givers we typically don't expect anything in return - although the gesture to return a favour is always appreciated. We're very social, we engage just about anyone - we are a judging type - but we don't judge to the point where we will ignore someone who puts effort into interacting with us. We are usually loyal. But typically only to people who have proven themselves to us. Don't expect us to trust you immediately...though we are very trusting personality types...people still need to prove that they are worth our efforts. As a very self-aware ENFJ I used to have issues with being too generous and people walking all over me.

Now there are some ENFJs that are manipulative and don't realize it. I wonder if occasionally I can be this way -- I really don't have any bad intentions. Mostly, I'm very influential...especially when I want something to go my way...and I usually get my way.

We typically aren't mean unless you've done something HORRIBLE to us. In that case, WATCH OUT. I don't stand for bullsh*t. But it usually takes a lot for it to get to that point.

 

[cranez]

This also makes me interested in what ENFJs have mauled their men (emotionally and physically), then had the men come back for more. I've tended to do a lot of harsh emotional mauling in retaliation for my buttons being pushed to their absolute extent, and definitely have had the men come crawling back. It always baffles the crap out of me.

Oh my God, this is so true. I've had boyfriends in absolute misery because I can't let anything go and I want to resolve everything then and there and I don't want to wait, I drive them crazy. Then finally we break things off, and no matter how messy it is they ALWAYS message me or try to get in contact a few months or years down the road and talk about how much they LOVED me and how they MISS me. Bizarre.

 

[A window to the soul]

I'm giggling.

I've heard ENFJs described as the type that is the quickest to flip from 0-180 as far as 'nice guy' to 'I'm kicking your ass now'. I think it's that darn Fe guided by flash-in-the-pain Ni. Fi has a more labrynthine path to take so it's more of a 'slow boil' with occasional oopsies.

I think with ENTPs (at least in the workplace) they are more like snappy piranhas (or chihuahuas) with a potentially big bite. It's always snap-snap-snap-snap and you're like "Jebus, we get it, settle down" - basically there is a pre-emptive warning and attitude or energy thrown out. With an ENFJ I think it's more a happy face that is thrown out but you can tell the lion is just being nice. Healthy ENFJs remind me of Leos in astrology, they have are magnanimous but you know they can swipe you with their claws at any time.

ENTJs combine the best/worst aspects of the two ^^ (at least in the workplace) so they can just be mean sumbitches and it's not an act.

Hahaha, I can see that!

That's a great description of all three, CzeCze. Loved it!

 

[Adasta]

Oh my God, this is so true. I've had boyfriends in absolute misery because I can't let anything go and I want to resolve everything then and there and I don't want to wait, I drive them crazy. Then finally we break things off, and no matter how messy it is they ALWAYS message me or try to get in contact a few months or years down the road and talk about how much they LOVED me and how they MISS me. Bizarre.

It's because when you're being fun it's actually really fun and not at all forced. On the other hand, I see your Fe as subservient and fake at times (I am a Fi-dom though...), which makes me angry because it seems like you're not being authentic ("You're not the person I know"). The push/pull with ENFJs, in my opinion, is trying to get them to be less Fe-obsessed and to get them to worry less about what other people think of them. I can imagine that breaking up with an ENFJ is really frustrating because it's as if they're giving themselves to people/factors that don't really exist; moreover, ENFJs are really stubborn, so your pleas for them to reconsider can fall on deaf ears! After a while, you might feel like they've stopped being unreasonable and want to continue where you left off! Hence the messages of reconciliation.

Also, ENFJs are really silly and have a childish sense of wonderment which is appealing to me (e.g. "I just feeling like singing!"; "I just feel like dancing!"; "If you had to choose between X and Y, which would you choose?"). They are also good at making a fuss over me, and I like that! They're also very good at hosting, which is great because it takes the heat off of me, allowing me to retreat to a lovely, quiet corner and leave the E-types to out-shout each other.

 

[amerellis]

weird. I've never met an ENFJ that wasn't nice. Perhaps you are mistyping people or you and ENFJs are extremely incompatible.