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[ENFJ] Overpowering the ENFJ charm.

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
Joined
Dec 17, 2009
Messages
659
MBTI Type
eNfj
Enneagram
2
I find charming, cute, and attractive to be signs of future trouble. It feels disarming and thus makes me even more guarded until I find out what kind of trouble it is.

Maybe there's trouble becuase you are guarded :newwink:
 

*poke*

New member
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
40
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I find charming, cute, and attractive to be signs of future trouble. It feels disarming and thus makes me even more guarded until I find out what kind of trouble it is.

Shun the non-believer! Shunnnn! :hug:
 

KDude

New member
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Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
An ENFJ can lose me by just losing track of the facts. I don't appreciate being read "into" much, and then advised/fixed about..something that isn't there. Not very charming :blush:
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
20,589
Enneagram
827
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
My sister's one... both of us are impervious to one another's obvious charms... so we turn them on other people for the fun of it :devil:

ever get tag teamed by an ESTP and ENFJ?! It's impossible to say no :cheese:
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
To be honest with everybody I think that ENFJs are afraid of me.

Maybe it isn't true but since they said it directly to me I will presume this is the case. Especially since somehow it makes sense.





Anyway if you are so much into "defeating" them here is probably the bast way how to do it.


As long things are lighthearted and flirty they have .... I guess you can call it "the advantage".
For example poker face is something that is my natural trait. So I can tell you that by using a poker face you can suck Fe out of the air and corner them by doing so. Also don't be openly agressive since by doing this you are giving them the reason to leash out on you. Which can serve as a replacement for Fe atmosphere. Look determined and decisive. (neuroticism at minimum)

If they ask you something give clear, direct and logical answers. Say no or very little personal information in conversations. Also don't start them as so you enter the room.


This way you will probably overpower them. Now the only question is will that scare them or intrigue them. (maybe even both)



Just to be clear I don't go around trying to scare Fe-doms it is just that things often turn out that way.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
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GONE
I would say more than charming because of what they say ENFJs have a very strong presence. Fe is almost physically palpable. And it naturally responds to cues in the environment that other people may seem to ignore. I think for that reason alone EXFJs are formidable in their social scenes. I could imagine that a battle between EXFJs and EXTPs would be spectacular and ongoing.
 

KDude

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
For example poker face is something that is my natural trait.

I don't think it's natural for me, but I think I'm good at this too. Just more of a Fi thing than an INTJ like. Further, the ENFJ I know can also lose her charm by not being discriminate enough with her friends. I'll lose a little respect if you look like you're enjoying everyone's company.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
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GONE
My sister's one... both of us are impervious to one another's obvious charms... so we turn them on other people for the fun of it :devil:

ever get tag teamed by an ESTP and ENFJ?! It's impossible to say no :cheese:

I think Substitute used to say this about him and his ENFP brother. Team ENXP apparently is very persuasive. And apparently argue alot? LOL.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
ever get tag teamed by an ESTP and ENFJ?! It's impossible to say no :cheese:

I have done this mighty thing and have made many boast songs at the feasting table, sloshing my mead and stabbing people in the eye with my saber-toothed-cat-and-giant-butterflies necklace!

When working in tandem with an ESTP, I have been known to cause tiny tears in the fabric of space-time out of which duplicate Elvises fall out.

Fe is almost physically palpable.

You are so correct that Wilford Brimley Cat will refrain from giving you diabeetus!

Also my ENFP twin agrees with you.

Also, you may palpate my Fe at any time.

I could imagine that a battle between EXFJs and EXTPs would be spectacular and ongoing.

Ah yes. Good times. Good times.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
20,589
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827
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sp/so
*hopes for an Elvis*

yeah... my sis and I have the type of dynamics that you generally see on television... we can fight impressively, but we generally decide to turn our energy on the rest of society... she's still my favorite partner in crime and I still have been known to corner people and threaten them when they're mean to her... even though both of us have now passed the quarter century mark :blush:

We've tag teamed front desk people to comp our dinner and room at a hotel before even :devil:
 

*poke*

New member
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
40
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
So I can tell you that by using a poker face you can suck Fe out of the air and corner them by doing so. Also don't be openly agressive since by doing this you are giving them the reason to leash out on you. Which can serve as a replacement for Fe atmosphere. Look determined and decisive. (neuroticism at minimum)

If they ask you something give clear, direct and logical answers. Say no or very little personal information in conversations. Also don't start them as so you enter the room.

Just to be clear I don't go around trying to scare Fe-doms it is just that things often turn out that way.

Well congrats you have the Scary Formula figured out :cry: Not being able to tell how someone's responding to me would drive me INSANE, the kind where all the doctors in the nice white coats come and lure you into their van with promises of candy and puppies and friendship. Deliberately withholding "vibes" from an ENFJ? That's why they tell you you're mean. :blush:

Although, when you said "suck Fe out of the air", all I could think about was that gigantic transformer maid from Spaceballs sucking all the clean air from Planet Druidia into her giant vacuum bag.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
Well congrats you have the Scary Formula figured out :cry: Not being able to tell how someone's responding to me would drive me INSANE, the kind where all the doctors in the nice white coats come and lure you into their van with promises of candy and puppies and friendship. Deliberately withholding "vibes" from an ENFJ? That's why they tell you you're mean. :blush:


Actually I often behave like this naturally since Fe trully isn't my thing.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
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738
What enfj charm ? :rolleyes:
I mean they're often cool but not, impressive wizzards or anything, there's nothing to overpower
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
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5w4
I'm trying to do the heaviest undertaking an NP has to go through--break the ENFJ charm aura.

This is something I've pondered lately. Well, NPs have too much free time in their hands anyway. I was thinking as to why ENFJs always get to pwn me. Or anyone for that matter.

Basic ENFJ charm seems to work something like this.

1. She listens to you. Then UNDERSTANDS you.

E.g.,
Me: "Sorry if I have to bring you to this. Even if I'm in my late 20s, I'm still into comic books. And toys."
Her: "Haha! I read Batman"
Me: "Huh?"
Her: "DK. Frank Miller. I love it."
Me: "Really?"
Her: "I read comics. You know that Galactus Build-A-Figure thingie? I gave one to my ex as a gift. Haha!"

300px-Ml_series_9.jpg


If that conversation will not pwn you...

2. She flirts with you.

E.g.,
Me: "Well, haha! You can't always use your charm, right? It's not like you can get away with everything using it. And...errr....it's kinda unfair. Maybe your guy has a point too, and...."
Her: "Well, it's not as if you would choose to hang out with him over me. Haha! is there a dilemma there to begin with? You always.....know.....which side to choose. *winks*
Me: "Errrrr.....yeah, I guess"

3. She wants you to tell the details of your sentiments.

E.g.
Me: "It's basically you asking the details about my sentiments that you already know."
Her: "I don't know." *winks*
Me: "You always know the details of what I want to say, even if I say them half encrypted."
Her: "What do you want to say?" *winks*


See, she already pwned me when she said she reads Batman. But still, she wants more pwnage by making me state my sentiments in detail. Which is sorta double whammy pwnage. And then, she hardly says anything about herself.

4. If you don't state your sentiments in detail and you decide to go on the offensive with your Ne sarcasm, she'll make you jealous.

E.g.,
Her: "You can't do that to me right now."
Me: "And why's that?"
Her: "Because Daniel (another member of the ENFJ fan club) has been sending me good text messages lately, and his is better than yours."
Me: "He's just more gullible."
Her: "So you still wanna be sarcastic?"
Me: "Do guys always have to be that Antonio Banderas cat in Shrek with that cutey eyes and all to you, Puss N Boots style?"
Her: "Haha! Always. Much better that way." *winks*

Puss___n_Boots_by_Koyuki_Shirai.jpg


You end up either getting so frustrated (which you shouldn't be, because it make you such a loser), or you end up trying to compete with an imaginary 'Daniel'. You don't know if such a person actually exists, but knowing the fan club, he probably does.

_____________________

After that Ne versus her Fe slugfest, in which probably Ne will lose, you may actually be tempted to go to step 3 and actually tell her your sentiments.

I don't know. ENFJs want to make an Edward Cullen smooth talker out of every guy. Well, most of them seem to like Edward Cullen anyway. They just seem to hate him when they got to like Harry Potter first. And let's not even go to whom they like in the Tolkien world.

___________________

How does a guy get to have a workaround on this?

I sort of know what you're saying here. They do have a certain charm to where, somehow, you find yourself conforming. But, I make it a point to check in with Ti occasionally to keep things separate.

In other words, she's been pouring on her charm all day and then, when she feels she has me properly "buttered up", she says:

Her: "Are you ready to go to the party tomorrow?"
Me: "What party?"
Her: "The one that I told you about a month ago."

Me: (pause to check in with Ti)..."Oh, the one that I told you I wouldn't be going to. No, like I said a month ago, I won't be going. Thanks though!"

Her: "You have to go!"
Me: "I do? Why?"
Her: (wanting to say, "because I spent all day using my charm on you"). "Because it will be fun!"
Me: "So, go have fun then! Talk to you later!"

It sounds harsh and I don't always do that, but you've got to be able to "disconnect" from the charm and make objective decisions, otherwise you'll quickly find yourself doing everything they want you to do.
 

Sparrow

New member
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May 28, 2010
Messages
2,366
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so/sx
You know what sucks about being an ENFJ. We will talk to the opposite sex the same way we would talk to a homegirl...we just like to relate with people, doesnt mean we are flirting. Its so annoying, people think im flirty, ENFJ's can even relate with homeless people...treating them like human beings not pieces of shit. We just love people and try to bring out the best in them. This drives my ENTP boyfriend crazy sometimes, he gets jealous. Sorry we have people skills lol!
 

INTPness

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Jan 22, 2009
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INTP
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5w4
You know what sucks about being an ENFJ. We will talk to the opposite sex the same way we would talk to a homegirl...we just like to relate with people, doesnt mean we are flirting. Its so annoying, people think im flirty, ENFJ's can even relate with homeless people...treating them like human beings not pieces of shit. We just love people and try to bring out the best in them. This drives my ENTP boyfriend crazy sometimes, he gets jealous. Sorry we have people skills lol!

I love the ENFJ people skills. I love being around ENFJ's. I love most everything about them. I just know with my ex, that *Fe charm* sometimes led to a "you should do this" or "you should go there".

Loved her to death, but I see no connection between the two things. Use the Fe charm (and people skills, as you say) all day long if you want. I love it about you. But, that has nothing to do with the party tomorrow - or any other thing you want me to do. The two things are totally separate.

BTW, sorry we don't have as much people skills as you guys! If. Only. We. Could. Be. That. Good.
 

Risen

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 19, 2008
Messages
3,185
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
My ENFJ friend made me my fav snack for my birthday. She trapped me and chained up my heart through my stomach -_-. Insta-pwn. It was well played, I commend her for it. But the one thing that can always trump an ENFJ is detachment from one's emotions, even if it's only for a short time. An ENFJs power is to effect/manipulate you through your emotions by latching onto them with their tendrils. However, the point is mute when one can consciously mitigate emotional input in their judgment. It's a nice contrast to the logical form of manipulation employed by ENTJs. Both of them offer up unique and entertaining challenges, and I do enjoy the opportunity to test my emotional strength against ENFJs. They will only find that I am an unmovable mountain.
 

tcda

psicobolche
Joined
Nov 17, 2009
Messages
1,292
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5
To be honest with everybody I think that ENFJs are afraid of me.

Maybe it isn't true but since they said it directly to me I will presume this is the case. Especially since somehow it makes sense.





Anyway if you are so much into "defeating" them here is probably the bast way how to do it.


As long things are lighthearted and flirty they have .... I guess you can call it "the advantage".
For example poker face is something that is my natural trait. So I can tell you that by using a poker face you can suck Fe out of the air and corner them by doing so. Also don't be openly agressive since by doing this you are giving them the reason to leash out on you. Which can serve as a replacement for Fe atmosphere. Look determined and decisive. (neuroticism at minimum)

If they ask you something give clear, direct and logical answers. Say no or very little personal information in conversations. Also don't start them as so you enter the room.


This way you will probably overpower them. Now the only question is will that scare them or intrigue them. (maybe even both)



Just to be clear I don't go around trying to scare Fe-doms it is just that things often turn out that way.

You understand ENFJ's better than me. I acted that way on a date with an ENFJ once - and my intention certainly wasn't to put her off.:doh:
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
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INTP
Enneagram
5w4
My ENFJ friend made me my fav snack for my birthday. She trapped me and chained up my heart through my stomach -_-. Insta-pwn. It was well played, I commend her for it. But the one thing that can always trump an ENFJ is detachment from one's emotions, even if it's only for a short time. An ENFJs power is to effect/manipulate you through your emotions by latching onto them with their tendrils. However, the point is mute when one can consciously mitigate emotional input in their judgment. It's a nice contrast to the logical form of manipulation employed by ENTJs. Both of them offer up unique and entertaining challenges, and I do enjoy the opportunity to test my emotional strength against ENFJs. They will only find that I am an unmovable mountain.

Yeah, this - to a certain extent. My intent is not to simply be "an unmovable mountain". There are instances where I can go with their plans and go with what they are saying.

But, yeah, if I sniff any amount of manipulation in the air, the whole operation will get shut down immediately and I won't even discuss it anymore. No means no. End of story.

Now that I think about it, that had to be the most difficult thing for my ENFJ ex. I can't even imagine how frustrating it would be to have primary Fe but to be with someone who basically refuses to conform. Yet, somehow we were still very drawn to each other.
 

Sparrow

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2,366
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I love the ENFJ people skills. I love being around ENFJ's. I love most everything about them. I just know with my ex, that *Fe charm* sometimes led to a "you should do this" or "you should go there".

I am very guilty of that...im sure it annoys the hell out of some people. :) Just realized that the other day. I was trying to get some one to try something...and my friend was like, leave him alone he doesnt like it! I guess my thinking is that they might like it if they gave something new a try. :doh:
 
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