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[ENFJ] Overpowering the ENFJ charm.

proteanmix

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That's a great explanation Udog.

I'm not bragging when I say this but there have been several times where if me and a group of friends decides to go out and if I bail for some reason, nobody goes anywhere.

When I've asked a couple of people about this they've said that I tend to keep the conversations going and keep the atmosphere fun and convivial. I assure you, it's nothing I do manipulatively it's just me being me. But I'm beginning to see to people who don't have a natural ability to exert themselves on an atmosphere they may view this suspiciously. And it does tend to be little things like picking up a vein of conversation, laughter, being inclusive, willingness to put yourself out there, unafraid to appear a little foolish, that allows people to relax and put their feet up.

Plus, it comes across as arrogant to openly admit you know you can do this. And this same ability can be used maliciously so that adds even more distrust.
 

Udog

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It's true Protean. I couldn't help but notice how you sort of nudged here or pushed there to keep everything running smoothly at the meetup.

Plus, it comes across as arrogant to openly admit you know you can do this. And this same ability can be used maliciously so that adds even more distrust.

Yeah. I imagine if an ENFJ ever flat out admitted such a thing here, things would quickly get outright nasty. Again.

I knew one ENFJ that was really open about such abilities though, and I gleamed some really interesting insights from it. However, I fear to share that here lest I set off some anti-ENFJ paranoia bomb.
 

Domino

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Very interesting analysis once again, Mr. U. Dog, Esquire. Don't have time for a lengthy comment (visitor arriving anon) but about the "dominant" hypothesis, I would say yes. The ENTP I was seeing, when he wasn't there or was sick, he had a broad effect on the mood as well. The minute he hit the door, you could feel the whole garage amplifying. He set an automatic pace. The only person deemed capable of keeping up with him (or taking him down) was me. I know. Sounds like I'm on my high horse, but it was the truth. I can very well see how an ENFJ and an ENTP would be considered "alphas" in such an environment, especially an Fe dom female versus an Ne dom male.
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
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This isn't a comment on you specifically, but I've seen similar situations with people, so I can wager a guess. Based on previous stories, I am assuming you were one of the more dominate personalities in the shop. That's part of it. Regardless of MBTI type, dominate personalities can often dictate the mood of the group.

I remember there was one year when I took Chem lab, and our table was off to the side of the room. Without fail though, all the energy of the room would suck over to our table. It was about three times louder than the avg premed IXXJ would want lol. It was a group effort though. I'd type our table as ENFP, ISFJ, ESFJ and ENFP (I typed ENFP at the time, who knows if it was right).
 

Heinel

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*sigh* How so Heinel?

I guess it's just as nynesneg said. It's subconscious. The problem with this is that since it has so much influence, if you don't consciously direct it, it directs itself into whichever direction Ni leads it to, which, as far as I can see, can be very extreme either way on an ENFJ.

The ENFJ I'm talking about is a guy, in North America, and we all know how American man are expected to all be Ts. I met him in philosophy class. He seems very devoted to logic, but he really isn't very good at it at all. I happened to be one of the top students, so I guess he got into this awe / envy kind of loop with me, and whenever I would strive for the top (Yeah, I'm a typical 1) he'd start stressing out and well, directing that at me. I know he didn't really want me to feel bad, but the things he did really made me feel very sad.
 

TopherRed

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:hug: Ooooh, I'm sorry Heinel. When we're less mature, the American T-male image does tend to make us a little nutty. Once I became comfortable with the power of the Male Fer though, I realized I could give up on trying to T my way through life. That's just not who I am.

I've got charm bitches!!! I love being a guy with F!! :D

"I make it look guuud!" --Mr. T, WoW commercial, actually an F.

I guess it's just as nynesneg said. It's subconscious. The problem with this is that since it has so much influence, if you don't consciously direct it, it directs itself into whichever direction Ni leads it to, which, as far as I can see, can be very extreme either way on an ENFJ.

The ENFJ I'm talking about is a guy, in North America, and we all know how American man are expected to all be Ts. I met him in philosophy class. He seems very devoted to logic, but he really isn't very good at it at all. I happened to be one of the top students, so I guess he got into this awe / envy kind of loop with me, and whenever I would strive for the top (Yeah, I'm a typical 1) he'd start stressing out and well, directing that at me. I know he didn't really want me to feel bad, but the things he did really made me feel very sad.
 

Heinel

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:hug: Ooooh, I'm sorry Heinel. When we're less mature, the American T-male image does tend to make us a little nutty. Once I became comfortable with the power of the Male Fer though, I realized I could give up on trying to T my way through life. That's just not who I am.

I've got charm bitches!!! I love being a guy with F!! :D

"I make it look guuud!" --Mr. T, WoW commercial, actually an F.

Yeah, I've met good ones as well. There's this other guy I met in VANOC that managed to get me to like him in just one day :D
 

Shadow1969

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I'm an ENFJ. I know this thread is dead but I've had recent experience with this at work. About a month ago my work hired a new person, and moved me into an office. One week later the new person was fired for being "too dark feeling" and not detail oriented enough and I was moved back to my spot. My office is still empty and waiting for me...but I'm wondering if they'll ever move me into it. I didn't realize that my co-workers truly do depend on my energy to lift the mood. It's bizarre.
 

Shadow1969

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Also, as I side note, I've noticed that almost all people (minus sociopaths) are inherently good.

It's part of my job description to persuade. When I have consciously persuaded someone I have found that the most effective method, that will work on almost anyone, is giving the other person the feeling that by doing what I want them to do they will be 'helping' or doing something 'good.' It's beautiful. It makes me feel very proud of humanity and it makes me love people even more. :)

I feel very fortunate to be able to see this in people. I try very hard not to abuse it, but it's hard to realize when you could be abusing exercising other peoples compassion, love, and morals...you know?
 

Domino

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The ENFJ threads are never dead. Welcome aboard!
 

Malkavia

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Also, as I side note, I've noticed that almost all people (minus sociopaths) are inherently good.

It's part of my job description to persuade. When I have consciously persuaded someone I have found that the most effective method, that will work on almost anyone, is giving the other person the feeling that by doing what I want them to do they will be 'helping' or doing something 'good.' It's beautiful. It makes me feel very proud of humanity and it makes me love people even more. :)

I feel very fortunate to be able to see this in people. I try very hard not to abuse it, but it's hard to realize when you could be abusing exercising other peoples compassion, love, and morals...you know?

Every ENFJ I've met has an incredible heart and never really uses their powers for malicious manipulation, at least not on purpose.
 

*poke*

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I don't believe ENFJs actually know what you're feeling, we just know how to make you feel like we know :) It's called empathy, something that comes naturally to the NF but especially to the diplomatic ENFJ. I don't have to know how you're feeling to convey understanding to you. Ex:

Person 1: "I am SO MAD. I am FURIOUS! I...I....don't even know what to do about it! *stomps around the room, stops and bursts into tears*"
ENFJ: "I can see how angry you are, but it also seems to me that underneath that is a sad layer, and I want to talk to the part of you that is being vulnerable right now"
Person 1: *thinking: HOW DID THEY KNOW?"

A shallow example, certainly the ENFJ made a leading statement about person 1's feelings, but I think it's just that affirmation and validation are part of our arsenal, and being able to relate to others and instinctively feel that emotional connection make us hyperaware of how others are feeling. I wouldn't call it a sixth sense as in other topics, and I wouldn't say we know how you are feeling. We just know how to communicate to you that we have heard you and understand what you are feeling and why, because you have told us, even if you're not aware of it.

Just a theory.
 

*poke*

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Also I realize person 1 was probably an ENFP in the context of some injustice. Sorry to stereotype ;)
 

Afkan

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Interesting. I clash with ENFJs more often than not, male and female ones. I don't find them unusually charming or anything. Oh well.

Don't say that too loud. You'll have one after you before you know it.
 

Koocoomoo

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You don't. Not really. My ENFJ gets away with more of this stuff than I'd ever let anyone else get away with. They know. They always know what you're thinking and feeling then they exploit it. In a good way for the most part.

He: What are you watching?

Me: This thing about great white sharks. They are tagging them and taking blood. It's a pretty brilliant set up they have here. They get under the shark with a cradle that raises them up to the ship level, they have 20 minutes to do everything. They have a shark lojack to put on the fin somewhere.

<next scene the tracking device is being installed using a drill, heavy bolts and it's ratcheted down. I know I'm physically cringing even when the scientists say it isn't hurting them>

He: <pats my hand>

Me: What?

He: I know what you're thinking. It's ok.

Me: Oh?

He: You have a excellent understanding of why they are doing this. The species is endangered and we know very little about them. Taking blood, tracking where they go, getting as much info as possible will be a huge help. BUT...you can't stand to see a human hurting an animal. Animals are more helpless to you than humans. Even though you know this is one of the fiercest predators of them all and are far from being helpless. You KNOW that shark would win every time head to head with a human.

Me: :steam: Yes but you don't have to go advertising this. Poor beastie.

He: I won't. It's very sweet how you love the animals. I won't tell anyone.

So you really don't have a chance. It's futile to fight it.


Even though I think this ENFJ shtick is cute now, I will come back on another day and fiercely argue that ENFJs do not have to be the kings of the world. Just wait...
iNFPs have the gift of Kick Ass Ranting
xx don't cross me byatch xx:blush:
 

Koocoomoo

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Okay, I'm ready now.
Forewarning: seething bipolar person about to speak.

ENFJs drive me up the WALL because they're little bitchy drama queens. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I could just punch you in the heart ENFJs.
You guys try to SEEM all "strong" for the other person. Queefs!
You are MUCH too exceeding, and if people don't give you EXACTLY what you want, you freak out and go psychotic. Your standards are WAY too high, and you refuse to look at yourselves while your criticizing everyone else. Like your effing perfect.
You're such ASSHOLES to everyone else and you're freaking cowards because you're the only people that can't let themselves open up and be hurt like NORMAL people.
No no no. If you get hurt, it's not the same as anyone else, it's 134523564623544times WORSE because it was YOU. And you think you have everyone under your charm because you're good with words and you can make people believe you.
But I can see through all your bullshit.
And you're A S S H O L E S ! ! ! !


Ironically enough, I've never been in a relationship with and ENFJ.
Hm... WONDER WHY.
 

TopherRed

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Could it be that you were sent by Haight to entertain us with your ranting? It's almost like watching pole dancing for the soul. :D
 

Mad Hatter

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ENFJs drive me up the WALL because they're little bitchy drama queens.[...]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I could just punch you in the heart ENFJs.[...]

Queefs![...]

If you get hurt, it's not the same as anyone else, it's 134523564623544times WORSE because it was YOU.[...]

And you're A S S H O L E S ! ! ! !

Thanks for pointing that out.

(Emphasis mine.)
 

TopherRed

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*turns on boombox* All these bullets flying make me wanna groove. :banana:
 
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