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  1. #41
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    That's a great explanation Udog.

    I'm not bragging when I say this but there have been several times where if me and a group of friends decides to go out and if I bail for some reason, nobody goes anywhere.

    When I've asked a couple of people about this they've said that I tend to keep the conversations going and keep the atmosphere fun and convivial. I assure you, it's nothing I do manipulatively it's just me being me. But I'm beginning to see to people who don't have a natural ability to exert themselves on an atmosphere they may view this suspiciously. And it does tend to be little things like picking up a vein of conversation, laughter, being inclusive, willingness to put yourself out there, unafraid to appear a little foolish, that allows people to relax and put their feet up.

    Plus, it comes across as arrogant to openly admit you know you can do this. And this same ability can be used maliciously so that adds even more distrust.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #42
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    It's true Protean. I couldn't help but notice how you sort of nudged here or pushed there to keep everything running smoothly at the meetup.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Plus, it comes across as arrogant to openly admit you know you can do this. And this same ability can be used maliciously so that adds even more distrust.
    Yeah. I imagine if an ENFJ ever flat out admitted such a thing here, things would quickly get outright nasty. Again.

    I knew one ENFJ that was really open about such abilities though, and I gleamed some really interesting insights from it. However, I fear to share that here lest I set off some anti-ENFJ paranoia bomb.

  3. #43
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Very interesting analysis once again, Mr. U. Dog, Esquire. Don't have time for a lengthy comment (visitor arriving anon) but about the "dominant" hypothesis, I would say yes. The ENTP I was seeing, when he wasn't there or was sick, he had a broad effect on the mood as well. The minute he hit the door, you could feel the whole garage amplifying. He set an automatic pace. The only person deemed capable of keeping up with him (or taking him down) was me. I know. Sounds like I'm on my high horse, but it was the truth. I can very well see how an ENFJ and an ENTP would be considered "alphas" in such an environment, especially an Fe dom female versus an Ne dom male.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  4. #44
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    This isn't a comment on you specifically, but I've seen similar situations with people, so I can wager a guess. Based on previous stories, I am assuming you were one of the more dominate personalities in the shop. That's part of it. Regardless of MBTI type, dominate personalities can often dictate the mood of the group.
    I remember there was one year when I took Chem lab, and our table was off to the side of the room. Without fail though, all the energy of the room would suck over to our table. It was about three times louder than the avg premed IXXJ would want lol. It was a group effort though. I'd type our table as ENFP, ISFJ, ESFJ and ENFP (I typed ENFP at the time, who knows if it was right).

  5. #45
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    *sigh* How so Heinel?
    I guess it's just as nynesneg said. It's subconscious. The problem with this is that since it has so much influence, if you don't consciously direct it, it directs itself into whichever direction Ni leads it to, which, as far as I can see, can be very extreme either way on an ENFJ.

    The ENFJ I'm talking about is a guy, in North America, and we all know how American man are expected to all be Ts. I met him in philosophy class. He seems very devoted to logic, but he really isn't very good at it at all. I happened to be one of the top students, so I guess he got into this awe / envy kind of loop with me, and whenever I would strive for the top (Yeah, I'm a typical 1) he'd start stressing out and well, directing that at me. I know he didn't really want me to feel bad, but the things he did really made me feel very sad.
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  6. #46
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Ooooh, I'm sorry Heinel. When we're less mature, the American T-male image does tend to make us a little nutty. Once I became comfortable with the power of the Male Fer though, I realized I could give up on trying to T my way through life. That's just not who I am.

    I've got charm bitches!!! I love being a guy with F!!

    "I make it look guuud!" --Mr. T, WoW commercial, actually an F.

    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    I guess it's just as nynesneg said. It's subconscious. The problem with this is that since it has so much influence, if you don't consciously direct it, it directs itself into whichever direction Ni leads it to, which, as far as I can see, can be very extreme either way on an ENFJ.

    The ENFJ I'm talking about is a guy, in North America, and we all know how American man are expected to all be Ts. I met him in philosophy class. He seems very devoted to logic, but he really isn't very good at it at all. I happened to be one of the top students, so I guess he got into this awe / envy kind of loop with me, and whenever I would strive for the top (Yeah, I'm a typical 1) he'd start stressing out and well, directing that at me. I know he didn't really want me to feel bad, but the things he did really made me feel very sad.
    Love is the point.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Ooooh, I'm sorry Heinel. When we're less mature, the American T-male image does tend to make us a little nutty. Once I became comfortable with the power of the Male Fer though, I realized I could give up on trying to T my way through life. That's just not who I am.

    I've got charm bitches!!! I love being a guy with F!!

    "I make it look guuud!" --Mr. T, WoW commercial, actually an F.
    Yeah, I've met good ones as well. There's this other guy I met in VANOC that managed to get me to like him in just one day
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  8. #48
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    I'm an ENFJ. I know this thread is dead but I've had recent experience with this at work. About a month ago my work hired a new person, and moved me into an office. One week later the new person was fired for being "too dark feeling" and not detail oriented enough and I was moved back to my spot. My office is still empty and waiting for me...but I'm wondering if they'll ever move me into it. I didn't realize that my co-workers truly do depend on my energy to lift the mood. It's bizarre.

  9. #49
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    Also, as I side note, I've noticed that almost all people (minus sociopaths) are inherently good.

    It's part of my job description to persuade. When I have consciously persuaded someone I have found that the most effective method, that will work on almost anyone, is giving the other person the feeling that by doing what I want them to do they will be 'helping' or doing something 'good.' It's beautiful. It makes me feel very proud of humanity and it makes me love people even more.

    I feel very fortunate to be able to see this in people. I try very hard not to abuse it, but it's hard to realize when you could be abusing exercising other peoples compassion, love, and morals...you know?

  10. #50
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    The ENFJ threads are never dead. Welcome aboard!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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