[INFP] Male INFPs with mother issues

[Cypocalypse]

They always seem to talk about a twisted childhood.

 

[Biaxident]

They always seem to talk about a twisted childhood.

I prefer not to talk about it, thanks. But people keep pushing.

 

[Udog]

So it's more likely NOT that INFP males are more likely to have HAD difficult relationships with their mothers, but that they are more likely to struggle with dealing with those issues?

Frankly, I think it takes a tougher person to deal with those issue than your typical ESTJ male who simply ignores them.

I agree. INFPs have their own brand of toughness. Although I hate to see INFPs give up, while still beating themselves up. That's the worst of both worlds.

Fecal makes a good point below, though.

Disagree. It's both. Your typical parents are far less likely to understand or appreciate an INFP boy than, say, an ISTJ boy, AND the INFP is far more sensitive to less-than-ideal-handling than the ISTJ.

True, and I can see how that can make INFP males more likely to have mother issues.

However, one important thing to remember is that with unhealthy parents, it's about the parent, and not the child. Stick an ISTJ into the same situation, and instead of being good for nothing like the INFP, he will simply never be able to accomplish enough to make mommy proud.

 

[Stanton Moore]

Good posts here...

I definitely have more daddy issues than mom.

Maybe INFP males, when they become comfortable, are more likely to be expressive of deep personal issues, so mommy things may come up and, due to your own 'lens', seem to predominate? Just a thought.

But I have 'issues' with everyone, or did at one point. I had a pretty hard childhood, so why wouldn't there be some fallout from that? And I, due to my highly emotional nature, was effected by all of it. Everyones' traumas became mine in some respect.
The upside is that, if you survive, you can learn to control your emotions and handle just about anything.

 

[The Outsider]

Nope.

 

[OrangeAppled]

It might be possible the INFP temperament often causes mother issues and not mother issues causing INFP..

INFPs that don't have mother issues have mothers that are slightly different?

If it has to be linked to type, then this makes the most sense. I suppose it depends on how the parent deals with a child that is "different" as most INFPs seem to be. Mine were mostly encouraging, and I remember my childhood very fondly.

I still reject the idea that you are "made" or "become" a type, as far as cognitive functions go.

INFPs tend to seek the approval of parental units more so, perhaps, any other type. INFPs also have an innate desire or drive to remain very close (emotionally & often physically) to their parents, and so strong is this drive even very bright INFPs will persist in trying to mend an obviously irreparably fucked relationship w/parents long, long after other types would have quit and run.

I don't relate to this.....I don't want to let my parents down, but I don't think I seek approval from anyone (except maybe God). I need to be in accord with MY values.

I tend to be the one to create distance with my mom and step-dad (I call them "boundaries"). I'd say I have a pretty good relationship with my parents though.

I never did much to "repair" my relationship with my biological father though, or rather, I accepted it would always be very shallow and distant.

 

[Sauropsidian]

I don't really have mother issues. I was never abused or anything, nothing bad, but we aren't really close, like at all.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

I am not sure how cognitive functions form as pertains to MBTI. That said, I know that emotional validation and a nurturing environment are important to a child's development overall in many areas. I learned this from researching parenting skills and techniques so as to be a better father to my two daughters.

In my case my mother was very distant and I had different father figures (several remarriages) who were all unhealthy individuals. My mother had never told me "I love you", never hugged me nor praised me. Coupled with absent or abusive paternal models I had to raise myself and my younger siblings.

My very earliest memories (age 3'ish) are of feeling alone, defective, guilty and unworthy. I grew up being very self critical, reflective, emotionally sensitive to criticism and I lived in my inner world to escape my dysfunctional environment. I would fantasize a lot about a better world, a better future for myself and "what if" type thinking dominated. Who am I? What did I do to deserve this? Do I deserve this? Why does it even bother me? I romanticized and idealized quite frequently. One of those ideals was that upon becoming an adult and marrying and then becoming a father I would break the cycle. Another ideal I held when I was younger, was to wait to have sex until I found "the one". I was also hopelessly romantic in my late teenage years and early 20's. I attribute both of these to my need to not be like my parents.

I was the "counselor" of my family, always trying to patch up my siblings and myself as well as my mother and her own issues. Fast forward to age 27 and after much conflict I decided to completely severe communications with my entire family for my own mental health. One of the best decisions I've ever made from a personal growth standpoint. That was 11 years ago and while I reflect upon that decision from time to time I feel no need to ever reestablish contact. I've made peace with them in my mind.

What came first? Being an INFP and being sensitive and reflective of these conditions/environment coupled with a willingness to share the experiences or was I formed by them? If I was formed by them, to what degree? Clearly there are other male INFP's who did not have "issues", which begs the original question. Is there a postive correlation between male INFP's and a dysfunctional childhood, specifically "mother" issues? What exactly is the role and degree to which environment has upon cognition formation? I'm confident that there is scientific research on the matter and look forward to following this thread while I use the internetz for my own research.

 

[Udog]

I don't relate to this.....I don't want to let my parents down, but I don't think I seek approval from anyone (except maybe God). I need to be in accord with MY values.

I tend to be the one to create distance with my mom and step-dad (I call them "boundaries"). I'd say I have a pretty good relationship with my parents though.

I agree with you that unhealthy parental relationships aren't what make males become INFPs.

However, I just wanted to note that Fecal's post is for those INFPs that never had the approval of their parents. Never feeling truly accepted as a child is pretty devastating, and can leave a pretty big gap in the psyche.

 

[Kastor]

All the INFPs I know do too, including myself. Overbearing superficial mother x__x

 

[Gothmawg]

I am not sure how cognitive functions form as pertains to MBTI. That said, I know that emotional validation and a nurturing environment are important to a child's development overall in many areas. I learned this from researching parenting skills and techniques so as to be a better father to my two daughters.

In my case my mother was very distant and I had different father figures (several remarriages) who were all unhealthy individuals. My mother had never told me "I love you", never hugged me nor praised me. Coupled with absent or abusive paternal models I had to raise myself and my younger siblings.

My very earliest memories (age 3'ish) are of feeling alone, defective, guilty and unworthy. I grew up being very self critical, reflective, emotionally sensitive to criticism and I lived in my inner world to escape my dysfunctional environment. I would fantasize a lot about a better world, a better future for myself and "what if" type thinking dominated. Who am I? What did I do to deserve this? Do I deserve this? Why does it even bother me? I romanticized and idealized quite frequently. One of those ideals was that upon becoming an adult and marrying and then becoming a father I would break the cycle. Another ideal I held when I was younger, was to wait to have sex until I found "the one". I was also hopelessly romantic in my late teenage years and early 20's. I attribute both of these to my need to not be like my parents.

I was the "counselor" of my family, always trying to patch up my siblings and myself as well as my mother and her own issues. Fast forward to age 27 and after much conflict I decided to completely severe communications with my entire family for my own mental health. One of the best decisions I've ever made from a personal growth standpoint. That was 11 years ago and while I reflect upon that decision from time to time I feel no need to ever reestablish contact. I've made peace with them in my mind.

What came first? Being an INFP and being sensitive and reflective of these conditions/environment coupled with a willingness to share the experiences or was I formed by them? If I was formed by them, to what degree? Clearly there are other male INFP's who did not have "issues", which begs the original question. Is there a postive correlation between male INFP's and a dysfunctional childhood, specifically "mother" issues? What exactly is the role and degree to which environment has upon cognition formation? I'm confident that there is scientific research on the matter and look forward to following this thread while I use the internetz for my own research.

Great post...and eerily similar to mine...*peer

 

[OrangeAppled]

However, I just wanted to note that Fecal's post is for those INFPs that never had the approval of their parents. Never feeling truly accepted as a child is pretty devastating, and can leave a pretty big gap in the psyche.

Of course, but I don't think that need is exclusive to INFPs. I can see how INFPs may desire closer relationships in general, with their parents and other people. It seems we desire something a little deeper than what others may be satisfied with.

 

[Nonsensical]

Well, if it counts, I'm near borderline I with E...and if it counts, I was raised without a mother.

 

[Ginkgo]

To imply that children become INFPs through over-mothering is fallacious.

I would be more inclined to say that INFPs can have anti-authoritarian and self-preservation tendencies. Thus, they may tend to exaggerate about their childhood oppression.

 

[Waffle]

I knew an INFP who was attached to me and his mother only. We both coddled him and told he was going to be alright. We seemed to be the only one show did so. I feel INFPs are really gentle and emotional, so they need people to mothers to them, therefore are more likely to be hugely influenced by their mothers. Though, he hasn't been able to keep his life under much control since his mom stopped interfering for the most part.

 

[Biaxident]

I was raised by wild opossums. I have fond memories of snuggling in momma's pouch with all my adopted brothers and sisters....

Then that nasty squirrel three trees down, dropped a walnut on her head, braining her. I am scarred for life...

 

[Thalassa]

I was raised by wild opossums. I have fond memories of snuggling in momma's pouch with all my adopted brothers and sisters....

Then that nasty squirrel three trees down, dropped a walnut on her head, braining her. I am scarred for life...

That's really horrible. Why did you have to tell us that?

All doz poor widdle baby opossums...

 

[SpankyMcFly]

I was raised by wild opossums. I have fond memories of snuggling in momma's pouch with all my adopted brothers and sisters....

Then that nasty squirrel three trees down, dropped a walnut on her head, braining her. I am scarred for life...

I detect self deprecating humor . Good stuff, it's my favorite flavor as well.

 

[Synapse]

I wish I had more mother issues hahah, its them there nasty fathers with messed up brains that you got to worry about, they be much worse.

 

[Cypocalypse]

Any NP type is anti-authority, though in my opinion, INFPs are the most likely to take this seriously, to the point where they seemingly become infatuated with their own misery.

I have INFP tendencies myself so I know how this feels.

INFPs tend to over-exaggerate the weight of their problems. Lucky for you if you have a strong Ti, you can always put yourself into neutral mode and counteract the depression NeFi generates.

There's always an alternative side of looking at the prism (Strong Ne peeps have good mastery of this). In people with superior Fi though, it's always stuck to whatever seems more miserable.