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  1. #21
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    They always seem to talk about a twisted childhood.

  2. #22
    Charting a course
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypocalypse View Post
    They always seem to talk about a twisted childhood.
    I prefer not to talk about it, thanks. But people keep pushing.

  3. #23
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    So it's more likely NOT that INFP males are more likely to have HAD difficult relationships with their mothers, but that they are more likely to struggle with dealing with those issues?

    Frankly, I think it takes a tougher person to deal with those issue than your typical ESTJ male who simply ignores them.
    I agree. INFPs have their own brand of toughness. Although I hate to see INFPs give up, while still beating themselves up. That's the worst of both worlds.

    Fecal makes a good point below, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fecal McAngry View Post
    Disagree. It's both. Your typical parents are far less likely to understand or appreciate an INFP boy than, say, an ISTJ boy, AND the INFP is far more sensitive to less-than-ideal-handling than the ISTJ.
    True, and I can see how that can make INFP males more likely to have mother issues.

    However, one important thing to remember is that with unhealthy parents, it's about the parent, and not the child. Stick an ISTJ into the same situation, and instead of being good for nothing like the INFP, he will simply never be able to accomplish enough to make mommy proud.

  4. #24
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Good posts here...

    I definitely have more daddy issues than mom.

    Maybe INFP males, when they become comfortable, are more likely to be expressive of deep personal issues, so mommy things may come up and, due to your own 'lens', seem to predominate? Just a thought.

    But I have 'issues' with everyone, or did at one point. I had a pretty hard childhood, so why wouldn't there be some fallout from that? And I, due to my highly emotional nature, was effected by all of it. Everyones' traumas became mine in some respect.
    The upside is that, if you survive, you can learn to control your emotions and handle just about anything.

  5. #25
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    Nope.

  6. #26
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jon Snow View Post
    It might be possible the INFP temperament often causes mother issues and not mother issues causing INFP..

    INFPs that don't have mother issues have mothers that are slightly different?
    If it has to be linked to type, then this makes the most sense. I suppose it depends on how the parent deals with a child that is "different" as most INFPs seem to be. Mine were mostly encouraging, and I remember my childhood very fondly.

    I still reject the idea that you are "made" or "become" a type, as far as cognitive functions go.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fecal McAngry View Post
    INFPs tend to seek the approval of parental units more so, perhaps, any other type. INFPs also have an innate desire or drive to remain very close (emotionally & often physically) to their parents, and so strong is this drive even very bright INFPs will persist in trying to mend an obviously irreparably fucked relationship w/parents long, long after other types would have quit and run.
    I don't relate to this.....I don't want to let my parents down, but I don't think I seek approval from anyone (except maybe God). I need to be in accord with MY values.

    I tend to be the one to create distance with my mom and step-dad (I call them "boundaries"). I'd say I have a pretty good relationship with my parents though.

    I never did much to "repair" my relationship with my biological father though, or rather, I accepted it would always be very shallow and distant.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #27
    Junior Member Sauropsidian's Avatar
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    I don't really have mother issues. I was never abused or anything, nothing bad, but we aren't really close, like at all.
    4w5 sp/so/sx

  8. #28
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    I am not sure how cognitive functions form as pertains to MBTI. That said, I know that emotional validation and a nurturing environment are important to a child's development overall in many areas. I learned this from researching parenting skills and techniques so as to be a better father to my two daughters.

    In my case my mother was very distant and I had different father figures (several remarriages) who were all unhealthy individuals. My mother had never told me "I love you", never hugged me nor praised me. Coupled with absent or abusive paternal models I had to raise myself and my younger siblings.

    My very earliest memories (age 3'ish) are of feeling alone, defective, guilty and unworthy. I grew up being very self critical, reflective, emotionally sensitive to criticism and I lived in my inner world to escape my dysfunctional environment. I would fantasize a lot about a better world, a better future for myself and "what if" type thinking dominated. Who am I? What did I do to deserve this? Do I deserve this? Why does it even bother me? I romanticized and idealized quite frequently. One of those ideals was that upon becoming an adult and marrying and then becoming a father I would break the cycle. Another ideal I held when I was younger, was to wait to have sex until I found "the one". I was also hopelessly romantic in my late teenage years and early 20's. I attribute both of these to my need to not be like my parents.

    I was the "counselor" of my family, always trying to patch up my siblings and myself as well as my mother and her own issues. Fast forward to age 27 and after much conflict I decided to completely severe communications with my entire family for my own mental health. One of the best decisions I've ever made from a personal growth standpoint. That was 11 years ago and while I reflect upon that decision from time to time I feel no need to ever reestablish contact. I've made peace with them in my mind.

    What came first? Being an INFP and being sensitive and reflective of these conditions/environment coupled with a willingness to share the experiences or was I formed by them? If I was formed by them, to what degree? Clearly there are other male INFP's who did not have "issues", which begs the original question. Is there a postive correlation between male INFP's and a dysfunctional childhood, specifically "mother" issues? What exactly is the role and degree to which environment has upon cognition formation? I'm confident that there is scientific research on the matter and look forward to following this thread while I use the internetz for my own research.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #29
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't relate to this.....I don't want to let my parents down, but I don't think I seek approval from anyone (except maybe God). I need to be in accord with MY values.

    I tend to be the one to create distance with my mom and step-dad (I call them "boundaries"). I'd say I have a pretty good relationship with my parents though.
    I agree with you that unhealthy parental relationships aren't what make males become INFPs.

    However, I just wanted to note that Fecal's post is for those INFPs that never had the approval of their parents. Never feeling truly accepted as a child is pretty devastating, and can leave a pretty big gap in the psyche.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Kastor's Avatar
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    All the INFPs I know do too, including myself. Overbearing superficial mother x__x
    [SIGPIC]http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb37/KamikazePigeonOnFire/untitled-39.jpg[/SIGPIC]

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