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  1. #11
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I'm also wondering if there is a tendency to type imbalanced introverted men as INFPs....it's pretty insulting to suggest the INFP personality develops due to a negative environment. That's basically saying the INFP psyche is a big fat flaw or malfunction. Interesting how this idea comes up after you've been jilted by an INFP...
    I have my own theory what made me 'INFP' in this sense, though it had nothing to do with my mom (or my family in general). Suffice it to say that it came long after childhood and in no way family-related (though it was indeed a negative experience).

    Concerning the OP:
    My relationship with my parents is really fine. Of course there was that adolescent stuff, but I'm through with that. Maybe I also get along so well because I don't see them more often than every other or every third weekend, but then it's usually quite nice. In any case it's nothing like manipulative, controlling or absent. Just a healthy and trustful relationship.
    Then again, I don't know whether I know any other male INFPs, but I also doubt a certain type is more prone to have a certain mother (to put it that way).
    IN SERIO FATVITAS.

    -τὸ γὰρ γράμμα ἀποκτέννει, τὸ δὲ πνεῦμα ζῳοποιεῖ-

  2. #12
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    yeah, no mother issues here.

  3. #13
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    I had a pretty positive relationship with my ENFP mother, and a more difficult one with my ESTJ father (which isn't particularly surprising). At this point, I have a generally positive relationship with both, but took a long time to accept my father at face value (for both good and bad). I suspect most people don't have entirely positive relationships with both parents. For one thing, we become individuals by breaking away from our parents' values in some respects. Can't be all sunshine, roses and unicorns all the time... not sure that's particular to given types, though.

  4. #14
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Cranky, I relate to the OP. However, when I tried to explore the subject with other INFPs the idea got shot down pretty quickly. I think INFPs may be more likely to struggle getting over unhealthy relationships with unhealthy mothers than other types, but not any more likely to experience them.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Cranky, I relate to the OP. However, when I tried to explore the subject with other INFPs the idea got shot down pretty quickly. I think INFPs may be more likely to struggle getting over unhealthy relationships with unhealthy mothers than other types, but not any more likely to experience them.
    So it's more likely NOT that INFP males are more likely to have HAD difficult relationships with their mothers, but that they are more likely to struggle with dealing with those issues?

    Frankly, I think it takes a tougher person to deal with those issue than your typical ESTJ male who simply ignores them.
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

  6. #16
    Member Gothmawg's Avatar
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    Well, for me it's not exactly that I have issues...NOW.

    Through tragedy and circumstance I was left alone at a relatively early age. During all of this I was expected to be the strong one...the caregiver.

    I did have some serious issues early on and I was a very angry person and it took some serious setbacks for me to come to grips with what was going on with me.

    I had no idea of typology back then and honestly I don't care to dwell on the past as I have learned the lessons and desire to look forward rather than back.

    So did I have mommy issues? At one time, yeah, I did. My mother decided it was more important to her at to have a man in her life than to raise her children. I understand that now, and while it will probably mean we will never have a close relationship, I understand that it makes her human, just like the rest of us. I choose to let her live her life without me around to remind her of that. Holding a grudge, not allowing forgiveness will only cause you more problems down the road. The past is done and if you don't let it go...well, we've all known friends or had relationships with people who haven't been able to do that.


    Did this make me INFP? I can't say for certain, but I do know that my letting go and getting on with my life DID reinforce it. With everything that has happened in my life, I CHOOSE to care about people and their lives and I have developed an insatiable curiosity for ideas, theories and information.

    I do however also have a somewhat morbid fascination with apocalyptic scenarios...hrm. I guess that could be another subject.
    I find your lack of feeling disturbing...

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    You know, I'm beginning to have a theory here.

    Every single male INFP I have EVER met has mother issues. Some are more severe than others; they all seem to have them, though.

    I'm wondering whether that is key to developing the male INFP psyche?

    Manipulative, controlling, absent...whatever the damaging characteristic may be, they all have mothers who were deeply influential in their lives in a negative fashion.

    Some of them have come to terms with that fact; some have never gotten over the hold that their mothers have on them. Some are even somewhat Freudian in their relationships with their mothers.

    I've actually known quite a few more male INFPs than most people ever get to know. Part of it is my natural tendency to seek them out; I know what I like in the menfolk, and my best friend has very similar tastes to mine, so we seem to know a good 8-9 male INFPs between us, with even more ENFPs.

    Why might this be the case?
    I have mother issues; I balance them, however, with father issues. Re: your question--INFPs tend to seek the approval of parental units more so, perhaps, any other type. INFPs also have an innate desire or drive to remain very close (emotionally & often physically) to their parents, and so strong is this drive even very bright INFPs will persist in trying to mend an obviously irreparably fucked relationship w/parents long, long after other types would have quit and run. Also, while I don't buy your premise entirely--I can name noteworthy INFP men who seem to have had positive relationships w/their mothers--Robert De Niro, for example, whose mother Virginia Admiral was enormously supportive and encouraging, or Bob Dylan--INFPs are far more likely than most to have strained relations, as they 1) require greater parental acceptance and affirmation than any other type, and 2) mothers/fathers are a fairly normative subset of "people," who generally find INFPs hard to fathom or relate to in the first place.

    Of course, an INTJ is probably likely to view even healthy relationships between INFPs and parents from...a less flattering light than the INFP himself. INFPs need emotional intimacy and support to a degree some INTJs may find cloyingly sweet, sickening...dependent.

    John Lennon:
    YouTube - My Mummy's Dead - John Lennon

    YouTube - John Lennon - Mother

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    YouTube - Elliott Smith Swedish TV Interview & Waltz #2 Live

    Marlon Brando:
    Amazon.com: Brando: Songs My Mother Taught Me (9780679410133): Marlon Brando, Robert Lindsey: Books

  8. #18
    Member Jon Snow's Avatar
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    It might be possible the INFP temperament often causes mother issues and not mother issues causing INFP..

    INFPs that don't have mother issues have mothers that are slightly different?

    I only know one INFP and admittedly.. he doesnt really get along with his mom atleast thats the impression i get.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    . I think INFPs may be more likely to struggle getting over unhealthy relationships with unhealthy mothers than other types, but not any more likely to experience them.
    Disagree. It's both. Your typical parents are far less likely to understand or appreciate an INFP boy than, say, an ISTJ boy, AND the INFP is far more sensitive to less-than-ideal-handling than the ISTJ.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Why? I think my cognitive functions developed as a direct result of exposure to my father...who is an INTJ. I think we're probably all born with our preferences concerning introversion/extroversion and our desire to sense/intuit. However, it doesn't seem unreasonable that we could train our minds or be influenced to deal with the world as thinkers OR feelers...or judgers or perceivers. I'm guessing that each person finds one method or the other more useful, and I CERTAINLY think that our parents have a great deal to do with that.

    Why would it be ridiculous?
    I strongly believe, based on personal experience and the research I've read that MBTI type is almost entirely hardwired before birth. How you interact with--accept/reject/feel comfortable with--your MBTI type is highly influenced by environment; I was "taught" that Fi was bad and wrong and attempted to behave in a more stereotypically "masculine" fashion; it no more made me a T than sleeping with me made a certain lesbian whom I recall quite fondly straight.

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