Phenix
New member
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2009
- Messages
- 40
- MBTI Type
- INFP
I have ADD (inattentive) and there is a big difference between normal MBTI activities and ADHD. The following might help demonstrate the impact ADHD can have on life.
Here's a metaphor that seems to make sense to non-ADHDers.
We have to understand the interaction between an ADHD person and ‘normal’ culture. It’s like this. Imagine a set of dice, but not all of them have six sides. Some have four sides, some six, some eight, some 10, some 12, some 20, and some 100. Each side of any die has a number, just like a six sided die.
Now, imagine that each kind of die is a different aspect of the world: 4-sided dice are like ideas, 12-sided dice are like emotions, 20-sided dice are like spirituality, some are behaviors, and so on. It doesn’t matter what each represents, just that it represents something you might want to talk about with someone else, one’s spouse for instance.
A normal person’s brain is able to organize her dice so that all of the same sided dice are in the same location and many of the dice are also sorted by the number. So she (let’s call her Gracie) has a set of 6-sided dice altogether, but some have the 1 up, some the 2, some the 3 etc. This is true for all the ‘dice’ in her brain which allows her to access whatever sided die she needs, AS WELL AS the specific number on that die she wants. Pretty orderly, no?
An ADHDer has a black bag with all his (let’s call him George) dice jumbled up together in it. Chaos.
So let’s say George and Gracie have a conversation. Each assumes the other’s brain looks and acts like his or her own. Gracie expects George’s brain to be orderly. George assumes Gracie copes with chaos just like him.
Gracie, needing to communicate and develop intimacy, wants to talk about the number 5 on 6-sided dice. She pulls a 5 on a 6-sided die and places it on the table to start the conversation. George knows that he has to respond per cultural norm. George does what he always does and reaches into his bag of dice and feels around for a 6-sided die. Depending on how George organizes his chaos, he may be lucky and find a 6-sided die which he triumphantly pulls out. Bad luck, George, it’s the number 3, not a 5, but he lays it on the table anyway (he has to respond in some way.)
Gracie is somewhat miffed that it is not a 5, but since George is a man and the 6-sided die is in the ball park, she lets the specific number pass. Gracie and George eventually pull enough dice with the correct number of sides to have a conversation about 6-sided dice (but probably not about the number 5.)
What happens if George, in response to Gracie, pulls out the number 3 on a 4-sided die and is completely off target? Gracie’s reaction will not be positive. Remember she assumes that his brain is organized at least as well as hers, so what does she conclude? He is not listening, he is deliberately avoiding her, he doesn’t care, he’s lying, he doesn’t love me, and he is a total jerk. You can imagine other reactions. As her anger rises, George’s hand which is holding the bag shakes more and more. This destroys whatever meager organization he had going on in his brain. There is no telling what die he will pull out next. This infuriates Gracie even more. And this dance continues through their relationship.
So how does Gracie end up feeling? Not cherished, ignored, without any hope for the intimacy she desperately desires. How does George feel? He observes that he can do no right in her eyes. He feels guilty, like he is abusing her, and isolated.
Here's a metaphor that seems to make sense to non-ADHDers.
We have to understand the interaction between an ADHD person and ‘normal’ culture. It’s like this. Imagine a set of dice, but not all of them have six sides. Some have four sides, some six, some eight, some 10, some 12, some 20, and some 100. Each side of any die has a number, just like a six sided die.
Now, imagine that each kind of die is a different aspect of the world: 4-sided dice are like ideas, 12-sided dice are like emotions, 20-sided dice are like spirituality, some are behaviors, and so on. It doesn’t matter what each represents, just that it represents something you might want to talk about with someone else, one’s spouse for instance.
A normal person’s brain is able to organize her dice so that all of the same sided dice are in the same location and many of the dice are also sorted by the number. So she (let’s call her Gracie) has a set of 6-sided dice altogether, but some have the 1 up, some the 2, some the 3 etc. This is true for all the ‘dice’ in her brain which allows her to access whatever sided die she needs, AS WELL AS the specific number on that die she wants. Pretty orderly, no?
An ADHDer has a black bag with all his (let’s call him George) dice jumbled up together in it. Chaos.
So let’s say George and Gracie have a conversation. Each assumes the other’s brain looks and acts like his or her own. Gracie expects George’s brain to be orderly. George assumes Gracie copes with chaos just like him.
Gracie, needing to communicate and develop intimacy, wants to talk about the number 5 on 6-sided dice. She pulls a 5 on a 6-sided die and places it on the table to start the conversation. George knows that he has to respond per cultural norm. George does what he always does and reaches into his bag of dice and feels around for a 6-sided die. Depending on how George organizes his chaos, he may be lucky and find a 6-sided die which he triumphantly pulls out. Bad luck, George, it’s the number 3, not a 5, but he lays it on the table anyway (he has to respond in some way.)
Gracie is somewhat miffed that it is not a 5, but since George is a man and the 6-sided die is in the ball park, she lets the specific number pass. Gracie and George eventually pull enough dice with the correct number of sides to have a conversation about 6-sided dice (but probably not about the number 5.)
What happens if George, in response to Gracie, pulls out the number 3 on a 4-sided die and is completely off target? Gracie’s reaction will not be positive. Remember she assumes that his brain is organized at least as well as hers, so what does she conclude? He is not listening, he is deliberately avoiding her, he doesn’t care, he’s lying, he doesn’t love me, and he is a total jerk. You can imagine other reactions. As her anger rises, George’s hand which is holding the bag shakes more and more. This destroys whatever meager organization he had going on in his brain. There is no telling what die he will pull out next. This infuriates Gracie even more. And this dance continues through their relationship.
So how does Gracie end up feeling? Not cherished, ignored, without any hope for the intimacy she desperately desires. How does George feel? He observes that he can do no right in her eyes. He feels guilty, like he is abusing her, and isolated.
