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Thread: ENFJ's

  1. #11
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    If you let her know where you stand be ready to constantly stand firm and keep pushing it as you will continue to get these questions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    But what does it mean to be off and on? I mean, what do you guys expect from introverts (I'm assuming INTPness is one too)?
    Thats a J trait which we know nothing about. We are dimmer switches
    Im out, its been fun

  2. #12
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Thats a J trait which we know nothing about. We are dimmer switches
    The stalking is getting old,
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    The stalking is getting old,
    Im married to an ENFJ whats your excuse :rolli:
    Im out, its been fun

  4. #14
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Please, say everything you just said, in a nice way, without holding anything back. If she insists on ignoring you after that point, I would consider breaking off the friendship.
    Exactly.

    There's no communication here. He thinks she is sending passive-aggressive hints, but so is he. Neither will outright say what they really want. That's going to lead to more problems than just being upfront about what you want and what you feel.

    She wants a relationship, but you just want to stay friends. Well then tell her. But you're also going to have to accept that she may move on to someone else romantically. Expecting her to hang around as a single friend just in case you want a relationship with her in the future is not fair.


    Quote Originally Posted by Avis View Post
    The way I see it, such a question would make the personal reasons very obvious. For what other reason would you ask such a question?
    Rather than appearing supportive, it might also seem invasive.
    That's my perspective, and maybe I've become a bit hypersensitive about invasiveness.

    Sorry if I'm not offering any real advice here. I just can't relate to the situation - with me it's either infatuation or indifference
    IDK....my guy friends have discussed girls they were interested in romantically with me, so I don't see anything invasive about a conversation like that, particularly in light of the text message which brought the subject up. That's how I would talk with any friend, male or female.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #15
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Im married to an ENFJ whats your excuse :rolli:
    That it's been a week and you really can hold a grudge. I guess I'm sorry that I have hurt your feelings with my arguments. I should have been more considerate. You can move on now. But you can never be an ISTP or ESTP or iSTP or eSTP or whatever half combination you can think of for as long as you continue to use these dirty Ni tactics on people.


    And I'm sorry for the rest of the people who have to put up with this, it should have stayed in the SP forum.
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    That it's been a week and you really can hold a grudge. I guess I'm sorry that I have hurt your feelings with my arguments. I should have been more considerate. You can move on now. But you can never be an ISTP or ESTP or iSTP or eSTP or whatever half combination you can think of for as long as you continue to use these dirty Ni tactics on people.


    And I'm sorry for the rest of the people who have to put up with this, it should have stayed in the SP forum.
    I honestly didnt realize I was in a grudge with you. You smokin crack?

    edit: and I suck and keeping track of who posts what, sorry. I am really not a people person.
    Im out, its been fun

  7. #17
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the input.

    I guess what I left out is that she just slowly started calling me and re-initiating contact again. And, like I said, I enjoy talking to her - she's a cool person. Nothing has ever been said about a "relationship" to this point - just subtle hints in the things she says and asking me certain kinds of questions. So, I don't feel that I've "held anything back" or "failed to communicate". I'm just enjoying her friendship. There was nothing for me to communicate to her - she initiated contact and I'm fine with that.

    I see her as someone that it could "potentially" work out with - and I guess that's where I'm not being fair to her. Since it is just now becoming clear that she wants more than just a friendship, out of fairness I guess I need to be very direct and stick to that. I don't want the advances or her implying that there is something there when there isn't, so I should let her know that those things aren't OK.

    My original post was simply because I have no problem being direct with her, it's just that in the past I've been direct with NF's in ways that they found to be abrasive and hurtful. I want to be direct with her, but without hurting her in my typical NT fashion. It's something that has caused problems for me before, so I'm trying to learn how to soften the way I come off or at least make it more diplomatic. Then you get into the whole, "not being yourself" and trying to be someone you're not.

    But, good advice so far. Thanks.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Thanks for all the input.

    I guess what I left out is that she just slowly started calling me and re-initiating contact again. And, like I said, I enjoy talking to her - she's a cool person. Nothing has ever been said about a "relationship" to this point - just subtle hints in the things she says and asking me certain kinds of questions. So, I don't feel that I've "held anything back" or "failed to communicate". I'm just enjoying her friendship. There was nothing for me to communicate to her - she initiated contact and I'm fine with that.

    I see her as someone that it could "potentially" work out with - and I guess that's where I'm not being fair to her. Since it is just now becoming clear that she wants more than just a friendship, out of fairness I guess I need to be very direct and stick to that. I don't want the advances or her implying that there is something there when there isn't, so I should let her know that those things aren't OK.

    My original post was simply because I have no problem being direct with her, it's just that in the past I've been direct with NF's in ways that they found to be abrasive and hurtful. I want to be direct with her, but without hurting her in my typical NT fashion. It's something that has caused problems for me before, so I'm trying to learn how to soften the way I come off or at least make it more diplomatic. Then you get into the whole, "not being yourself" and trying to be someone you're not.

    But, good advice so far. Thanks.
    Ive responded to my wife before "So whos the lucky guy?" then a few line below said how I felt. She responded "is whos the lucky guy an inside joke?" then a little while later realized what I meant and said that she was so busy trying to come up with a similiar response that she completely missed my joke.
    Im out, its been fun

  9. #19
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I don't understand the ambiguity.

    If I really truly liked what you were selling, I'd drag you to the ground like a wounded gnu.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #20
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Thanks for all the input.

    I guess what I left out is that she just slowly started calling me and re-initiating contact again. And, like I said, I enjoy talking to her - she's a cool person. Nothing has ever been said about a "relationship" to this point - just subtle hints in the things she says and asking me certain kinds of questions. So, I don't feel that I've "held anything back" or "failed to communicate". I'm just enjoying her friendship. There was nothing for me to communicate to her - she initiated contact and I'm fine with that.

    I see her as someone that it could "potentially" work out with - and I guess that's where I'm not being fair to her. Since it is just now becoming clear that she wants more than just a friendship, out of fairness I guess I need to be very direct and stick to that. I don't want the advances or her implying that there is something there when there isn't, so I should let her know that those things aren't OK.

    My original post was simply because I have no problem being direct with her, it's just that in the past I've been direct with NF's in ways that they found to be abrasive and hurtful. I want to be direct with her, but without hurting her in my typical NT fashion. It's something that has caused problems for me before, so I'm trying to learn how to soften the way I come off or at least make it more diplomatic. Then you get into the whole, "not being yourself" and trying to be someone you're not.

    But, good advice so far. Thanks.
    Excellent comment. Your maturity and desire to communicate is highly commendable.

    I think your conclusions are right on track. I would simply add to that in your direct conversation of letting her know you feel,
    1) you'll want to pick a setting that's condusive to open conversation (Ie, IRL not chat/email),
    2) try not to sound sarcastic (the first txt response sounded somewhat that way even if was unintentional)
    3) and give her an opening/encouragement to explain her point of view as well so you both have a clear understanding.

    Good luck bud!
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

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