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  1. #1
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Default ENFJs and distancing

    Do ENFJs out there run across this phenomenon where you suddenly become very inward and Ti and you have to ignore people or problems to focus on one thing at a time?

    I am taking finals at school during the most difficult semester in my experience so far, while juggling the typical responsibilities I bring on myself (which always get harsher in the winter).

    I usually cycle a little and use alone time as a last resort when I actually feel almost incapable of dealing with others, I hate it but it becomes necessary every now and then. But this is waaay more than that. I have felt very overwhelmed this past year and I feel like I reached some boiling point. I have sort of put everything on "hold" and in the back of my mind except school.

    I feel very little on the surface, and I seem very cold and distant to everyone I'm close to. I have a very intense and difficult relationship that is always a big priority for me & very difficult to put out of my mind, yet I have been able to do it somehow (and I don't believe it is a good thing because my SO definitely isn't happy with it).

    So for the past couple of days I have been studying a lot, saying very little, and pretty much unable to access my feelings on anything (for more than a couple seconds). I feel like this has happened to me before, but I don't remember it exactly.

    Is anyone else familiar with this? It is not as simple as depression, I've been there... it was a simply ridiculous roller coaster of lows and more lows for me. This is clarity, and its somewhat effective (I don't know how I'd handle these tests without it) but it also feels empty.

  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I've noticed ENFJs doing this....I wasn't sure why, and I admit I took the distancing personal, but then they seem to return after their break from contact.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #3
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    I'm doing this very thing right now, too.

  4. #4
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I've noticed ENFJs doing this....I wasn't sure why, and I admit I took the distancing personal, but then they seem to return after their break from contact.
    Well its funny because if I could feel anything, I think I would think its personal. My mind does this thing where it tries to think about how I may be neglecting people, as it would normally do, but then it automatically snaps out of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by WieldingTheSword View Post
    I'm doing this very thing right now, too.
    Isn't it so weird? I can't put my finger on what's even happening. I know I've experienced it before... I even remember when, but the concept itself seems so unfamiliar to me that I don't have the clarity of how I actually was during that time & if this was caused by the same trigger.

    God I hope I ease out of this & don't explode or something when it all comes back to me. haha!

    If this has happened to anyone before, how did you come out of it?

  5. #5
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Why the rush to snap out of it? It's a very good chance for you to see how an ISTP works. When I get an ENFJ moment I let it take reign, even if it embarrasses myself. I think people like me more that way, too.
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  6. #6
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    I think it has to do with the functions that school activates in us. Few subjects use much Fe, and serious learning almost certain falls to our inferior Ti--i.e. we can't do our best unless we are locked away in our minds.

    That means from everybody else. College isn't the best time for a serious relationship.
    Love is the point.

  7. #7
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    What do you get stuck on? I know with me and Se Ti I can piece together what I see extremely fast, to delve into Ni takes a little more time and effort, and to hit Fe takes a tremendous amount of time and focus and I constantly run into nothing but brick walls over and over until Ni comes into play.

    The only thing to do is to escape to what you know, recharge and then jump back in. Se is your tertiary temptation, give in to it, but dont stay there. Put yourself around what is comfortable what you enjoy and know and then focus on the problem. Its all about balance between what you know and what you need to learn.
    Im out, its been fun

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    Do ENFJs out there run across this phenomenon where you suddenly become very inward and Ti and you have to ignore people or problems to focus on one thing at a time?

    I am taking finals at school during the most difficult semester in my experience so far, while juggling the typical responsibilities I bring on myself (which always get harsher in the winter).

    I usually cycle a little and use alone time as a last resort when I actually feel almost incapable of dealing with others, I hate it but it becomes necessary every now and then. But this is waaay more than that. I have felt very overwhelmed this past year and I feel like I reached some boiling point. I have sort of put everything on "hold" and in the back of my mind except school.

    I feel very little on the surface, and I seem very cold and distant to everyone I'm close to. I have a very intense and difficult relationship that is always a big priority for me & very difficult to put out of my mind, yet I have been able to do it somehow (and I don't believe it is a good thing because my SO definitely isn't happy with it).

    So for the past couple of days I have been studying a lot, saying very little, and pretty much unable to access my feelings on anything (for more than a couple seconds). I feel like this has happened to me before, but I don't remember it exactly.

    Is anyone else familiar with this? It is not as simple as depression, I've been there... it was a simply ridiculous roller coaster of lows and more lows for me. This is clarity, and its somewhat effective (I don't know how I'd handle these tests without it) but it also feels empty.
    I'm not an ENFJ and wouldn't know about ENFJs getting like this but I will say that this sounds like me the vast majority of the time. I would just attribute what you're going through to adaptation to whatever position you're in in your life right now. As in, whatever was going on in your life before you found yourself in this state, Fe wasn't suited to get the job done and, evidently, Ti was (and still is).

    As an INTP I can say that there've been times where I've found myself unwillingly overtaken by my inferior Fe which resulted in me being unable to handle the slightest jabs at my ego without breaking down into a childish emotional state (and I don't mean that I was in an emotional state, therefore I was childish, I mean that I'm an INTP, therefore all my emotional states are childish). In retrospect, I think that as much embarrassment as these instances caused me, they were necessary in order for me to cope with the situations I was dealing with because Ti wasn't fit to deal with them. That said, if I had just embraced the discomfort of letting Fe take over in healthy doses before said situations degenerated to the point where I had to revert to a childish emotional state in order to deal with them, things would've gone a lot more smoothly.

    That's not me saying that you probably didn't let Ti take over enough beforehand, I'm just trying to explain why I think what you're going through is just a matter of your personality adapting to your current situation in life. I don't know why you'd need to adapt, you're probably the only who can figure that out. The only suggestions I feel that are appropriate for me to make are that you may be stuck in Ti mode because you have some big decision(s) to make that need(s) to be made impersonally and you still haven't made it/them yet, or you may just be in a prolonged situation unfit for an ENFJ and more suited to a Thinking type. Like I said though, I don't know why this is happening to you and you're probably the only one who can figure this out. I'm just throwing suggestions out there. At least you're in a state of "empty clarity" though. That ought to help you figure things out.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Soar337's Avatar
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    I sometimes do this too
    <3

  10. #10
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WieldingTheSword View Post
    I'm doing this very thing right now, too.
    Same here. It seems to be a natural but deep-seated reboot, like REM sleep.

    If I've gone deep into the silence, though, it's usually because I'm slowly pulling arrows out of my back and need stasis to process.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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