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  1. #11
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    I know an ENFJ who does that from time to time. I know she'll spring back soon though, so I let her be. I've realized that I just can't push her when she's in "that state."

    It does worry me when she starts to say "dark" things (like "no one really cares (about me") though.

    Ah, well. Everyone needs to "re-charge" from time to time I think. All I can do is to support her through the had times. She does express gratitude to me for being there for her, so it's all good.
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

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  2. #12
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    I call it "complete system reboot". I know it must be frustrating to people at times. I always try to communicate what's going on to people and assure them that I love them and care about them, but just need some time for myself. It seems to help with them not getting angry - I know the "disappearing act" is not entirely fair to them and really do appreciate their understanding and support. I have actually been out of town for MONTHS to "reboot", but I am going back to my "real life" this week. So...yes...I get that way.

    As a side note - it's good to ask for help when the feelings of being overwhelmed start, but that is easier said than done...at least for me.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  3. #13
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I tend to get into this state when i recognize what i need to accomplish for myself. It's hard to fully snap out of until i accomplish what i feel i need to. I'll acknowledge issues and trouble that other people are having, that i should attempt to be there for them and would like to, but simply cannot bring myself to it.

    Also, i can be pushed into that state (which happens far more frequently than the previously noted sentiment). When it is seeming like others may need help, yet i am feeling particularly judged or in the line of fire i tend to just check out from the situations.
    Not sure who else experiences that, but it translates to not needing them to help me so i can help them, but needing them to at least be neutral for me to keep up with them and myself.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default burn out

    As An ENFJ I completely go through what you are talking about. Personally it is because I am now understanding good boundaries and that has helped me significantly, also being able to put my needs and goals as a priority is the second reason. I slip into caring so much for other people they become #1 and that ends up exhausting you when you are always busy on top of it.

    There is a great article on NF burnout, or low energy times that I think is greatly insightful on it and how we feel guilty for these time periods.

    Link: (NF)Empathist & (SP)Realist

    Good quote from link"The EMPATHIST burns out periodically and goes through a low-energy recovery cycle until that intuitive fire is rekindled."

    I also have a Myers-Briggs book and I have so many I cannot keep them straight but the ENFJ under stress will look less F and less E. Makes total sense. I am able to be more objective and say no when "burnt out" or low- energy and tired. Seems like the effects of our shadow or just in general less F and E when in the distant phase.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

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  5. #15
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    Do ENFJs out there run across this phenomenon where you suddenly become very inward and Ti and you have to ignore people or problems to focus on one thing at a time?

    I am taking finals at school during the most difficult semester in my experience so far, while juggling the typical responsibilities I bring on myself (which always get harsher in the winter).

    I usually cycle a little and use alone time as a last resort when I actually feel almost incapable of dealing with others, I hate it but it becomes necessary every now and then. But this is waaay more than that. I have felt very overwhelmed this past year and I feel like I reached some boiling point. I have sort of put everything on "hold" and in the back of my mind except school.

    I feel very little on the surface, and I seem very cold and distant to everyone I'm close to. I have a very intense and difficult relationship that is always a big priority for me & very difficult to put out of my mind, yet I have been able to do it somehow (and I don't believe it is a good thing because my SO definitely isn't happy with it).

    So for the past couple of days I have been studying a lot, saying very little, and pretty much unable to access my feelings on anything (for more than a couple seconds). I feel like this has happened to me before, but I don't remember it exactly.

    Is anyone else familiar with this? It is not as simple as depression, I've been there... it was a simply ridiculous roller coaster of lows and more lows for me. This is clarity, and its somewhat effective (I don't know how I'd handle these tests without it) but it also feels empty.
    I don't know what my type is, but I can relate. I have periods when I am super busy and always on the go, but when I have a goal (like finals or a test) I turn the other way around, shut out everyone, leave foruming, and stuff and just focus on my goal by turning inward.

    Once it is accomplished (successfully) I feel good and have the energy to go again.

    Sometimes I get burned out by huge amounts and bouts of extraversion over weeks at a time. My strongest functions are extraverted (all of them), so I will go on overload.

    Then I say, "Okay, effers, I need some me time." But I don't say it. I just disappear. And everyone else fades - disappears - and all of a sudden, I'll jump on the scene again like nothing ever happened.

    People who know me know that I do not mean it personally, and they accept that weird thing about me.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member BlueFlame's Avatar
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    I completely relate to this. When I'm under extreme stress, I have a tendency to fall off the face of the planet for a while. Sometimes I think it's because I tend to be horribly unaware of my needs and feelings; I react to them, anyway, but I reach a point when I realize that I can't *properly* react until I know what the hell they are. And that requires a LOT of energy and focus.
    My friends are usually either hurt or concerned the first time it happens (depending on how much contact we normally have and how sensitive or reliant they are), but they realize pretty quickly that it's not personal. It's a requirement for me to keep my sanity.

    ~*79% Extraverted*~
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  7. #17
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    I'm going to jump back in this thread. I'm still in this "phase." I've decided it is a mixture of college pressure and relating to a very stubborn (at times) ISTP, both seem to constantly force me into Ti... then I have a minor implosion, only to return to this emotional dead zone to cope & get by.

    I am not really happy right now, not really sad either, but I'm more & more aware of the bubbling inferno going on underneath it all. I read that ENFJs who suppress feelings in this type of phase manifest signs of stress with their bodies unwittingly. That makes a LOT of sense because I get these little 'spasms' or 'twitches' when I feel something coming on & instantly suppress it.

    I think I'm going to leave my ISTP. I am not making a decision while I feel so unstable but I really really need to get out of this place I'm in because it isn't okay. I am very afraid of exploding, because there is no resolution I can see after that.

    To be honest, I would leave school if I thought I could handle my ISTP without it. I feel like I could do anything for him but this isn't healthy at all. I have expressed my needs & concerns to him & I've given him time & space but I can't give him support anymore. He wants all three, and he deserves them but I just don't know if I can believe in him anymore. I've been waiting too long for him to come to me, and I'm really feeling like he never will so long as he knows I want him to. I am not okay with that feeling.

    He's made a lot of effort to make it work. I don't know if I'm just being negative right now. It always seems like what he gives me is too little, too late. He doesn't seem to try until I'm ready to give up.

    Regardless, I just need some advice from other ENFJs on how to get myself through this. I've distanced myself from him for the time being... I've been proactive enough with school to make sure it isn't overwhelming me. I'm afraid letting the walls drop will just send me doing something completely irrational (and very likely harmful to him or me). But keeping this up, I'm certain it's only going to get worse. I can't get too far away from everything (I live with the ISTP & I've started exams).
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

  8. #18
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default High 5

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueFlame View Post
    I completely relate to this. When I'm under extreme stress, I have a tendency to fall off the face of the planet for a while. Sometimes I think it's because I tend to be horribly unaware of my needs and feelings; I react to them... And that requires a LOT of energy and focus.
    Woah! Well said BlueFlame. Any more to add to this or expand?
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
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