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  1. #1
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Default ENFP/ENFJ relationship

    An ENFP woman with an ENFJ man. Complete disaster, or can it work? What would these two types find appealing in each other, what would cause them to conflict?

    Tell me, preciouses...*strokes a random cat so she looks creepy while she ponders*

  2. #2
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    One of my best friends is an ENFP, and he's dating an ENFJ. They seem to do pretty well together, they've been together for almost three years. I'm not sure what they see in each other though.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #3
    Senior Member HotpinkHeatwave's Avatar
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    My mom is an ENFJ and I am an ENFP. We get along quite well and understand eachother quite well. The same for most ENFJs infact! However, I could not date an ENFJ. They are much too gentle, if that makes any sense.. And I've probably not been any help. Not for me, but ENFPxENFJ romantic relatiobnship would do quite well in my opinion.

  4. #4
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    The good things I can see. The ENFPs desire to talk about things and the ENFJs desire to listen, connect, and help. If the drive becomes seperate though it would cause these 2 to be pulled apart until it realigned.

    I think the ENFJ would be able to verbally entertain the ENFP with stories.

    A bad thing would be the ENFJs drive to be perfect and the ENFPs drive to walk off into left field. (It drives my ENFJ wife nuts when she is at the store with my NFP mom and my mom just disappears.) As long as their drives are aligned I can see it working pretty good in that regard.

    The other thing with drive is the ENFJ drive to be a perfect husband which he already has defined. Hopefully these line up. His drive to be a perfect dad which he already has defined.

    When both hit a shadow It would be ISTP vs ISTJ. In healthy form an ISTJ and an ISTP under the radar are afraid and confident around each other. We know what each other is good at and what each other is not. Me and my dad are healthy and we get along great, but in shadow form I can see it as maybe a battle of cockiness and proving who is right.

    I see it teeter tottering. I think it depends on the maturity of the shadow ISTP vs ISTJ. I know a mature ISTP tries to avoid using their understanding against the person, but an immature ISTP I think will hit below the belt. With me there are certain areas I will not touch because I believe there are certain things that cannot be taken back when it deals with objective as opposed to things said subjectively.

    I know one thing I like to play with is the idea that if someone takes over certain things then the other person may turn into an introvert. Possibly the ENFP sitting in INFP with an EJ type which can be healthy, but possibly draining. So a balance would need to be obtained.

    Of course now I gotta go check out socionics to see if any of this is semi-accurate.
    Im out, its been fun
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  5. #5
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    According to socionics it fails in regard to not being able to communicate very well.
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #6
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    A bad thing would be the ENFJs drive to be perfect and the ENFPs drive to walk off into left field. (It drives my ENFJ wife nuts when she is at the store with my NFP mom and my mom just disappears.) As long as their drives are aligned I can see it working pretty good in that regard.
    I can see this happening. lol..


    My non-scientific 2 cents from observatory speculation:
    • I truly admire the seeming freedom and spontaneity of ENFPs... I am so much harder on myself, and constantly running after my goals.
    • All the playfulness would get likely on my nerves eventually though, I want everything clean and put away.
    • I think we'd really connect with our outlook on people, but then I'd be bored and want some intellectual conversations and . Not sure on this one, just off of observing people on here.
    • Would likely disagree with the ENFJ strong ethical sense of right and wrong, while ENFP might say whatever issue doesn't matter in the long run.
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  7. #7
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Most of you know that Pink, my ENFJ twin, and I get along wonderfully. We communicate easily and openly, even when we're fighting. Now, with that said, I think the male ENFJ's are a little more cagey, if that make sense. Like they seem to mimic ENTJ men in the sense of being powerful, and demonstrative. I've never been in a relationship with an ENFJ guy, but I would imagine the point of conflict would be when both parties are under too much stress. The stress styles don't match very well - they get very emotional and suspicious, and ENFP's tend to get robotic and cold. Which only makes Fe user feel marginalized, and thus makes the Ne user recede more and become nasty and abrupt.

    Just my thoughts on it.
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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    My mom is an ENFJ and I am an ENFP. We get along quite well and understand eachother quite well. The same for most ENFJs infact! However, I could not date an ENFJ. They are much too gentle, if that makes any sense.. And I've probably not been any help. Not for me, but ENFPxENFJ romantic relatiobnship would do quite well in my opinion.
    My mother is also an ENFJ. Love-hate relationship, as always. Best friends, but when she tries to exact any power over me (which I like to think is null and void by now) it can get loud.

    I think the relationship could work, but I personally prefer thinkers-- just because of all the insight we can provide each other with. I'm also in agreement with the 'too gentle' thing. Sometimes really big feelers take my jokes seriously, even though I mean for them to be lighthearted, instantaneous expressions of wit. Thinkers seem to see the clever connections and appreciate it for what it is. And I believe that thinkers also see the mutual benefit from interacting with feeling types. That's the way to go, if you ask me.

    If you're thinking about an ENFJ though... Go for it! If you get along with them in life, you could go all analytical and assess their typology. Or, you could just use your intuition, forget about whatever personal doubts are holding you back, and discover a really great relationship.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Tieger and Barron-Tieger describe this pairing in pretty glowing terms as I recall.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Most of you know that Pink, my ENFJ twin, and I get along wonderfully. We communicate easily and openly, even when we're fighting. Now, with that said, I think the male ENFJ's are a little more cagey, if that make sense. Like they seem to mimic ENTJ men in the sense of being powerful, and demonstrative. I've never been in a relationship with an ENFJ guy, but I would imagine the point of conflict would be when both parties are under too much stress. The stress styles don't match very well - they get very emotional and suspicious, and ENFP's tend to get robotic and cold. Which only makes Fe user feel marginalized, and thus makes the Ne user recede more and become nasty and abrupt.

    Just my thoughts on it.
    I see the robotic and cold of ENFPs. It comes across as holding their tongue Not sure if thats what it is. When I hit this stage it drives my wife nuts and yes they become more nasty and abrupt trying even herder to pull anything out to get past the robotic and cold. I dont hit this stage though unless things get beyond bad and its a stonewall, where I basically stonewall internally and nothing can get in.

    I tried to take into account the more controlling aspect and the dominance men feel in the arguing factor and is why I see it going down a worse path then 2 women. It is no longer a cat fight, but a dominance fight.

    I think the intellectual conversations span 2 different sides of things. I see an ENFJ thinking an ENFP comes across as ditsy which would put a bad image in the mind of an ENFJ. Its the playfulness. ENFJ conversation is more about getting to a goal. The ENFP is more about understanding.
    Im out, its been fun

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