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  1. #81
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    We should start a thread like this for all types. I'm starting to feel sad for ENFJs because they've been singled out.

    /INFJ
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  2. #82
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    We should start a thread like this for all types. I'm starting to feel sad for ENFJs because they've been singled out.

    /INFJ
    Hmm, the passive voice there wasn't quite warranted, as it was an ENFJ who started the thread and asked for it!

    There is an extensive 'rant on ENTP's' thread already, though, where 'my kind' have been accused of everything from leaving the cap off the toothpaste to bringing original sin into the world, so that's me covered!

    Incidentally, I used to have problems with INFJ's, but these days I find them one of the most relaxing and pleasant types to be with
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  3. #83
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    Oh yeah, I definitely relate.

    When you think about it, the ENFJ strategy to life is a clever and deceptive one. They make themselves needed by doing things for others. Everybody starts thinking they're extremely nice and caring. However, there is subtle emotional blackmail involved: "I'll be nice to you as long as you'll be nice to me, or else you'll see my wrath". The ENFJ can be placed in a position with many friends, then proceed to turn them against anyone who threatens them by gossiping and making them swallow their view. You are then depicted as a bad person for x, y and z reasons... even though before the problem you were described as completely awesome (and it only needed one disagreement for you to be the devil incarnate).

    My problem with this explanation is that it ascribes an almost sinister value to the motives of all ENFJ's, and I don't think that's reasonable. For the ENFJ's I know, I have dealt with a few that were manipulative, but I think that social manipulation can be true of any type, not just this one in particular. Also, I believe their need for helping others is genuine - they do care about people. The ENFJ's that jump off the deep end are the ones that use this ability to connect to others as a form of cultish congress.

  4. #84
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yes, exactly the same here. Except that because I suffer from self-doubt quite a lot, I often find it hard to get onto phase 4.

    It's actually been pretty powerful for me to read this thread. One of the tactics they use on me is to make me doubt and hate myself, make me believe I'm a crazy asshole, get everyone on their side and sorta 'remove' me from any means of getting things into their proper perspective so that there's only them 'feeding' me with their 'reality'. Psychological abuse, basically.

    To see other people feeling the same way I've felt so often, seeing the same reaction here from some of the ENFJ's and seeing it rebutted by others with the same things I often think, it's been quite moving for me. Honestly, I feel like an abused wife at a support meeting, being told for the first time that it's okay to feel angry and upset when someone beats you up for burning the dinner!!
    WOW - it sounds like you've had some really dreadful personal experiences with ENFJ's. I'm so very sorry. You can use Pink Piranha to be a safe therapy ENFJ, as I can guarantee that she is not in any way an abusive person. Oddly enough, I think that ENFJ's feel quite vulnerable to the barbs and stings of others, because they have such a dominant feeling function, and therefore, they are more on the defensive to what they may perceive as a slight or a criticism. That can be extremely tiresome, I know. Pink often tells me that when we're in an argument, she feels everything acutely, like her emotions are being pulled through a shredder, and that it's much more difficult for her to "walk it off" after an altercation. Of course, she could probably explain this so much better than myself.

    And there is always a type that one will be especially vulnerable too - for me, it's ISTJ. I think every ISTJ I've ever had a relationship with has caused my shoulders to climb up around my ears with tension.

  5. #85
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    I think (hope) I'm being captain obvious here for future thread readers. One ENFJs behavior(s) (including my own) does not reflect on the entire type in general. Since it does say "Hate AN ENFJ? Tell us why" though I am figuring everyone knows that....but I couldn't help but make sure. /end captain obvious mode
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  6. #86
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    I have known 2 ENFJ's in my life (at least I know that they are ENFJ's), one is female and other male and I met both of them in my workplace. They have both excellent people skills and I felt "natural" bonding with them immediately. I found both of them very interesting, intelligent and warm people. They are also both absolutely great about making the organization athmosphere positive.

    One negative thing I found in the male ENFJ during a really bad times in the organization. I found out that he is extremely capable of bringing the organization athmosphere down if he feels violated. Somebody might call that manipulation of people. He was very dissapointed with the superiors and had his revenge by turning everybody against the management. It was really not a pretty sight to see.

    I have nothing but good to say about the female ENFJ that I know. She is really a great person and personality. I really do like her a lot and that I can say only of few people (even if I am a people-person).

  7. #87
    Senior Member gretch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by illiterate abc View Post
    HAHA this is so me.
    Oh my gosh!!!! I just got on this forum and we have the same avatar!!!!!! Bwahahaha!

    My NF originality complex can't handle it!!!


    As for NJ's I think they tend to believe in absolute truths of the universe. NP's flutter about more about it searching the far reaces of every theory, whereas NJ's consolidate and solidify and consolidate and solidify.

    My only annoyance with the ENFJ I know is also what I admire most about him. Keirsy calls them teachers. I think this fits well. he always feels a sense of moral authority on subjects and explains the reasons for the moral so concisely. He's very black and white, and very thorough.
    A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is visible labour and there is invisible labour.
    .
    -Victor Hugo

  8. #88
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    ENFJ men are alright, tolerable for a couple minutes. But ENFJ women for some reason especially if I find them ugly will think of me as a prime enemy.

  9. #89
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    I normally avoid stereotypes, but I don't like how ENFJs spit when they talk, have freckles, can't do magic tricks, always warm up their pizza, and are slow to blow up inflatable pools.

  10. #90
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    I have an ENFJ friend who is going through a prolonged, messed-up time right now. She doesn't seem to like herself very much.

    She's affectionate but not real or honest with me. She claims I'm one of her best friends, but I don't sense any connection between us. We don't seem to share many opinions, but I really can't tell, because she never seems to be honest with me.

    One thing that REALLY bugs me about her is her lack of authenticity. She doesn't keep her commitments. She's told me more times than I can count that she'll be somewhere on college campus waiting for me, but she never is. Nope. Yet I never hear even an explanation from her the next time I see her regarding why she wasn't there. It's not like I expect her to be there, but what confuses me is why she continues to tell me that she will. Why say you'll be there, when you know very well you probably won't? Why not even bring up the fact that you've ditched me up until now? Why not try to explain or increase your reliability in my eyes? If you DO expect to be somewhere to meet someone, but can't make it, you later explain to them why you couldn't make it, right? Mhmm. But she doesn't hold herself to that.

    I've always gotten the impression that this ENFJ hides her true personality behind niceties. Basically, she's a fraud. She probably decides what kind of person she has to be in order to get affection and love, and in doing so she rejects her true self. I'd like to see the REAL her for once. When I befriend someone, I want to befriend THEM, not their self-image or their fake pleasantries.

    Overall, this ENFJ makes about 2% of sense to me. LOL. I wish I could help her, but I don't think she likes herself at all, and it's so entirely awkward between us when we do interact. How can she call me a close friend? I'm flattered on the one hand, and perplexed on the other.

    She has a history of self-mutilation and anorexia, she claims. She's constantly mentioning these extremely personal, dark parts of herself. I know it's a cry for help, but more often than not this just puts me in an extremely awkward position, because I don't feel like she's honest with me most of the time and we're not close at all. Besides that, I don't know what to say to unmitigated, unchecked, unashamed self-hate.

    Her pleasant facade and her life problems contradict each other. Why, if she's in the shithole, does she contiue to present a pleasant face to the world? I want to see her real emotions. I want her to keep her commitments. I want her to be honest with me. Most of all, I want her to have a better self-concept. I think it's the source of all her problems.

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