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  1. #71
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    I don't hate ENFJs, but the one I know is really persistent in trying to get me to stay after school for a Christian club. After staying once I decided, no it's okay, I would rather not stay in school longer than I have to. I eventually told him how I felt and his response was to try to guilt me into staying. Cause thats what Jesus would do.

    This went on for weeks.
    One day he caught me at a very bad time, and me not feeling like dealing with him at that particular moment answered with an emotionally charged "No. Why? Because I don't want to spend extra time in a place I hate to do something I do every Sunday!" Why did I give such a sharp tongued answer? Because he didn't listen to me when I said I didn't wanna stay earlier , and after that point realizing that I couldn't rationally talk to the guy, coupled on with him being really annoying, I had to let him have it, or else he would've been bugging me forever

    Other than that he's a really nice guy, I like him and all, he's just to pushy for my taste.

  2. #72
    Wait, what? Varelse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    # A "people person"
    Yes you may well be surrounded by thrity or so friends everyday of the week and yes they may well sing your praises but no that does not mean that I will automatically accept you as an authority on people and most certainly not an authority on myself and my own wants, needs and emotions. You may well believe that you know more about my emotional state than I do but I'm telling you your wrong.
    I've gotten all of those, but this is the one that annoyed me.
    We are not poets
    We have no right to make amendments

  3. #73
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post

    I'd have to say that ENFJs, as with ENFPs, seem to always go between 1 and 11 on scales of response without even considering anything in between.
    Well, that was painting with such a broad brush, I would hardly consider that to be a defined opinion. That would be like me saying, " Well, all INTP's are self involved robots who irritate over the smallest minute of human behaviors."

    A bit broad, wouldn't you say?


    On the ENFJ topic, I generally enjoy them a great deal, provided they aren't going in to charismatic overload. Fortunately, my sister doesn't have this problem, but we also have a male ENFJ friend, and he frequently runs over people verbally when he's feeling impatient. I consider that to be bullying, and it has ended in arguments before.

  4. #74
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    I don't hate ENFJs, but the one I know is really persistent in trying to get me to stay after school for a Christian club. After staying once I decided, no it's okay, I would rather not stay in school longer than I have to. I eventually told him how I felt and his response was to try to guilt me into staying. Cause thats what Jesus would do.

    This went on for weeks.
    One day he caught me at a very bad time, and me not feeling like dealing with him at that particular moment answered with an emotionally charged "No. Why? Because I don't want to spend extra time in a place I hate to do something I do every Sunday!" Why did I give such a sharp tongued answer? Because he didn't listen to me when I said I didn't wanna stay earlier , and after that point realizing that I couldn't rationally talk to the guy, coupled on with him being really annoying, I had to let him have it, or else he would've been bugging me forever

    Other than that he's a really nice guy, I like him and all, he's just to pushy for my taste.
    Hey I don't blame you I have had quite a few Christians force me to listen to their teachings and force me to go to their church. I am not sure whether people understand that some of us simply don't want to attend their meetings they can get really annoying. Hey if he doesn't listen give it to him.
    ENFJ 3W4

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    *Actual time may vary.

  5. #75
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Well, that was painting with such a broad brush, I would hardly consider that to be a defined opinion. That would be like me saying, " Well, all INTP's are self involved robots who irritate over the smallest minute of human behaviors."

    A bit broad, wouldn't you say?


    On the ENFJ topic, I generally enjoy them a great deal, provided they aren't going in to charismatic overload. Fortunately, my sister doesn't have this problem, but we also have a male ENFJ friend, and he frequently runs over people verbally when he's feeling impatient. I consider that to be bullying, and it has ended in arguments before.
    Both statements are fine. You see I'm supposed to be critical here as it's about negatives (I'd hold off of hate generally...tooo showy for my tastes) and I'm not speaking about an ENFP/ENFJ only the type. The only people who should worry are those to whom that facet seems relevant...and no that's not supposed to be a sly accusation.

    However if you are THE ENFP and not just AN ENFP can you tell my ENFP mate so he feels less need to be THE ENFP

    I did not mean to puncture anyone's spirit but I was being deliberately negative. I could list the positives but you'd get all big headed and this isn't the thread for it
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  6. #76
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Both statements are fine. You see I'm supposed to be critical here as it's about negatives (I'd hold off of hate generally...tooo showy for my tastes) and I'm not speaking about an ENFP/ENFJ only the type. The only people who should worry are those to whom that facet seems relevant...and no that's not supposed to be a sly accusation.

    However if you are THE ENFP and not just AN ENFP can you tell my ENFP mate so he feels less need to be THE ENFP

    I did not mean to puncture anyone's spirit but I was being deliberately negative. I could list the positives but you'd get all big headed and this isn't the thread for it
    Funny you should mention the phenomenon of "THE ENFP" , as I have, in fact, been THE ENFP for many years around my neck of the woods. I had never met another person of my type until recently, when I made the acquaintance of not only another identical twin, but an ENFP as well! I laughed at myself because I found myself staring intently at her, watching all of her mannerisms, and listening to her word choices, what she found amusing, what angered her - wondering if I this was the way I appeared to others. ( I was pleasantly relieved to discover that I liked her a great deal, no self flattery intended. )

  7. #77
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    I think it's useful to understand ENFJ's through the Enneagram and the "type 2" they correlate to. At average levels, they are extremely sensitive to any behavior that could hint in the slightest way that you do not like them. They want to be liked and everyone's friend. The moment they think you might not like them, they can turn very nasty.

    My relationships with ENFJ's usually went like this:

    Phase 1: Mutual admiration, respect and liking - lots of laughs
    Phase 2: I offend them in some way by disagreeing with what they did or say, or by forgetting to do something they thought was important... the sort of thing that goes completely unseen between two T's...
    Phase 3: They turn bitchy/mean (and think I'll respect them more for it, which is wrong)
    Phase 4: I ignore them

    In the Enneagram, type 2's go to 8 when they are stressed.

    Dominant Fi types, in my experience at least, don't turn bitchy/mean when you disagree with them or forget about something. They try to understand things from your point of view first.

  8. #78
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    My relationships with ENFJ's usually went like this:

    Phase 1: Mutual admiration, respect and liking - lots of laughs
    Phase 2: I offend them in some way by disagreeing with what they did or say, or by forgetting to do something they thought was important... the sort of thing that goes completely unseen between two T's...
    Phase 3: They turn bitchy/mean (and think I'll respect them more for it, which is wrong)
    Phase 4: I ignore them
    Yes, exactly the same here. Except that because I suffer from self-doubt quite a lot, I often find it hard to get onto phase 4.

    It's actually been pretty powerful for me to read this thread. One of the tactics they use on me is to make me doubt and hate myself, make me believe I'm a crazy asshole, get everyone on their side and sorta 'remove' me from any means of getting things into their proper perspective so that there's only them 'feeding' me with their 'reality'. Psychological abuse, basically.

    To see other people feeling the same way I've felt so often, seeing the same reaction here from some of the ENFJ's and seeing it rebutted by others with the same things I often think, it's been quite moving for me. Honestly, I feel like an abused wife at a support meeting, being told for the first time that it's okay to feel angry and upset when someone beats you up for burning the dinner!!
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  9. #79
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Funny you should mention the phenomenon of "THE ENFP" , as I have, in fact, been THE ENFP for many years around my neck of the woods. I had never met another person of my type until recently, when I made the acquaintance of not only another identical twin, but an ENFP as well! I laughed at myself because I found myself staring intently at her, watching all of her mannerisms, and listening to her word choices, what she found amusing, what angered her - wondering if I this was the way I appeared to others. ( I was pleasantly relieved to discover that I liked her a great deal, no self flattery intended. )
    I think that's where ENFPs differ from ENFJs. Almost all of them are not dislikable...it's just that some are too much and you get rid of them anyway

    Mind you I've yet to meet an ENFJ (or ENFP for that matter) who I didn't get on with for most of the time.

    I have just thought of a new bitch though...
    When asking an ENFJ for an idea NOT relating to people, emotions or frippery you tend to either get "that one" a response which they took soooo much time thinking over they responded before the question was finished or you get "meh" which is annoying enough from a fellow NT but this time you know it's because they just aren't bothered!!!

    [Yes I realise the whole 'but you do this when we talk about people, emotions and "frippery"' that's why I have sympathy. Does stop it being annoying though. Sometimes I want input and not just an answer or a blank face!!]
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  10. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yes, exactly the same here. Except that because I suffer from self-doubt quite a lot, I often find it hard to get onto phase 4.

    It's actually been pretty powerful for me to read this thread. One of the tactics they use on me is to make me doubt and hate myself, make me believe I'm a crazy asshole, get everyone on their side and sorta 'remove' me from any means of getting things into their proper perspective so that there's only them 'feeding' me with their 'reality'. Psychological abuse, basically.

    To see other people feeling the same way I've felt so often, seeing the same reaction here from some of the ENFJ's and seeing it rebutted by others with the same things I often think, it's been quite moving for me. Honestly, I feel like an abused wife at a support meeting, being told for the first time that it's okay to feel angry and upset when someone beats you up for burning the dinner!!
    Oh yeah, I definitely relate.

    When you think about it, the ENFJ strategy to life is a clever and deceptive one. They make themselves needed by doing things for others. Everybody starts thinking they're extremely nice and caring. However, there is subtle emotional blackmail involved: "I'll be nice to you as long as you'll be nice to me, or else you'll see my wrath". The ENFJ can be placed in a position with many friends, then proceed to turn them against anyone who threatens them by gossiping and making them swallow their view. You are then depicted as a bad person for x, y and z reasons... even though before the problem you were described as completely awesome (and it only needed one disagreement for you to be the devil incarnate).

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