The problem is we, as non enfj's come away feeling so manipulated and used that we can't feel good about you after the relationship ends. I don't like feelign this way. I can take responsibility for my end of the deal, but it seems like ever time I confront an enfj as to their intentions, they seem oblivious of some very real hurts they cause. The anguish is in not seeing our feelings...it seems that no matter what I say to let a man into my world, all he tends to do is say. "that is not the way I see it"...it tends to come across and never validating our feelings, but boy, if we don't look after yours, you guys tend to go nuts.
This seems almost opposite of how I interact. I am really open about exploring other peoples feelings and have gotten really good at dealing with my own. Are you sure he is an ENFJ and if so I think he is maybe dealing with something outside of his ENFJness but what do I know.
Yes, I have heard this before in that the guy goes nuts with envy and disdain and paranoia and sickto the stomach type of feelings, but won't let this out in front of me. Its all alone and over email or the phone and it doesn't lend itself to a sharing experience where we might be able to comfort or help. If nothign more than a simple hug. I want to be there, but its impossible!!
I can sort of relate to this but not is the same capacity. I don't enjoy talking on the phone but I can understand him not wanting to share how he feels.
I dont understand the context of this quote...is it the enfj that worries aobut showing that they care of is the other person????
The person I quoted was pointing out how no matter what he/she does the ENFJ they had a relationship with wouldn't trust/be brave enough to let out their real feelings.
I just wanted to understand, but he wouldn't let me. Why do so many nf's just ditch people when things do go their way. I don't even know what really happened...??
This is about my 5th time trying to type a response to this and I'm not really sure how to go about it. Obviously your relationship wasn't perfect (but really, what relationship is ) and the emotions that he was internalizing were slowly eating away at him when he should of been trying to discuss them with you. In his eyes a clean break was the only way that he could fully recover from what he had put himself through. I'm not trying to justify what he did to you but I am trying to maybe give a different perspective on the ordeal.
This still wasn't exactly what I wanted to say but this probably as close as I will come.
I can take responsibility for my end of the deal, but it seems like ever time I confront an enfj as to their intentions, they seem oblivious of some very real hurts they cause. The anguish is in not seeing our feelings...it seems that no matter what I say to let a man into my world, all he tends to do is say. "that is not the way I see it"...it tends to come across and never validating our feelings, but boy, if we don't look after yours, you guys tend to go nuts.
Oh boy, there's a whole lot in this paragraph.
I take it for granted that when ENFJs seem oblivious, they're really not. But they're also really not the live and let live type of this world--they're the managers of people. "That is not the way I see it" is management talk, for example. They make command decisions, is what ENFJs do. They make the decisions for us mortals.
It is imperative then, morally imperative, that ENFJs build up a muscular, knowledgable intuition. And they had better do something about growing some functional Ti too. In non-technical words, ENFJs are required, morally and by their own nature, to see a much bigger picture of true possibilities for the people around them. True possibilities. ENXJs, you assholes are the kings and queens of this world, and you are required to lead it correctly.
I worry about ENXJs. Because they are so very active in the real, immediate world, and because by themselves each one of them is so very obviously exactly half-way to being the complete person, they have a lot of fearsome, unbalanced power.
Pec, your guy, I don't know, I really don't know anything much about any of these things. I'd guess he had some very, very big thing going on inside him to have chosen to shut down the connection you talk about having. What a great pity that he had to go and make too executive a decision.
Can I go ahead and guess some horrible guess? Bear in mind I am using ham-fisted Te to get at this idea. I'd be willing to guess he was both overwhelmed (by the connection) and under supported, ironically probably because with two E's together, the down, silent, closeness time would have been limited. He felt so, anyway. So he made a decision to withdraw. Really hope I'm not opening wounds with this kind of talk. I know for sure I am not speaking accurate truth, but rather banging around in the dark with inadequate tools.
ITs very kind of you to examine yourself and try and be honest with us.
I do want to ask something...i think Kalach said it, but not sure...its like you guys need to be IN us somehow.....can you elaborate on this.
Well, I didn't say that but, dang, if ENFJs don't get all sexually charged when they do.
I find ENFJs are the type I dislike the most. I can even hang out and respect an ESTJ brefore an ENFJ.
We are so close yet so far apart and I drive them fucking batty. Maybe its my Fi but I can "feel" them applying the emotional push to control me P-ness and it freaks me out. Do not use my emotions to make me do things. The hardeer they push, the harder I push back.
Also they (pot calling the kettle black) are totally illogical at times, yet convinced they are right. This may work great when you are discussing opinions about politics but it is a waste of time when you are trying to tell them how to prepare a buffer or pour a plate.
They appear to feel that they know what is best for me. "Ah, honey, you just need to..." Dont wrap your request in enderments, and soft talk and expect me to hop to becuase of your need for harmony.
They also are really great at the implied emotional content in messages. They say something and I feel like they are leaving a whole lot more unsaid, yet implied. Could be me being nutty though.
For the few I have been around this back and forth sort of spirals into an unhealthy interaction, and we end up not liking each other very much
Okay, this rant has been a long time coming. My mother is an ENFJ and now I am faced with an ENFJ male who features prominently in my life. MY GOD. ENFJ + things not going 100% perfectly results in such WHINING. I can't handle that much Fe if all you're Fe-ing about is how shitty your life is, man. Depressed ENFJs are the worst because they're so vocal and self centered about it. This guy actually complained once because I was having a really bad period and this meant he "had to be sensitive" and couldn't talk about how shitty his life was because he was being so sensitive to my pain. Gee, I'm sorry my cramps took away from the Tim and His Shitty Life Show.
Now, I've met ENFJs who aren't crazy and I really respect their passion and drive for self improvement but when an ENFJ is down they take everyone down with them.