LONG POST - skip to the bold part at the end if you want to just get to the point!
So a couple of weeks ago I started trying to distance myself from some people who were a bit of a pain in the ass (ENFJ and INTP). Things didn't go as planned, despite my great efforts to combine honesty and integrity with tact and genteness. And before I knew it, I had various people on my back about how 'nasty' I am. All I in fact said was (and I quote): "TBH mate, you two have been getting on my nerves a bit lately. I don't hate you and I'm not saying I don't want to still be friends or anything, I just think we should take a step back from each other for a bit and give each other some breathing space, or we're gonna end up really fighting. If you wanna see the kids though, that's cool - just let me know and you can pick them up whenever."
The part about the kids is because it's this couple who've been trying for kids for years but can't have them, so I let them get their 'kid fix' by playing with my two daughters. Serves both our purposes - theirs, and also gives me some peace and a break from the kids sometimes.
The INTP pouted considerably, but kept it mostly to himself. But the ENFJ decided to start publicly crying out against my "cruelty", telling people how devastated, betrayed and hurt she felt by this friend "cutting her dead", and how she could "never see such vibrant children" any more. And you'd be amazed (well, I was) how many people just believed her, and started getting on my back, saying how cold and mean and evil I am.
Next thing I know, my sister's (ENFJ) asserting a theory to anyone who'll listen, that I'm either autistic or pure evil, based on the fact that when someone pisses me off, I tell them so and explain why, which she sees as 'being mean'. She says she's convinced I must be "a little bit autistic" because I "don't notice other people's feelings and say such mean things all the time", and that she prefers to think of me that way because in her words "the only other explanation is that you're evil and full of hatred" - she thinks she's being generous in theorizing that because I can't please her all the time, I'm either mentally ill, or pure evil!!
And then my mom's (ESFJ) getting in on the act too, saying how I've always been such a "cold fish" and how even as a kid I was "like a robot".
Now, I have great relationships/friendships with a large number of people, and have never had any trouble from/with any of them. I tend to hear people reporting back to me with good things that others have said about me around once per week, on average. I've had my autistic daughter's shrink writing reports to her school saying that my "intuitive grasp of others' needs" makes me the perfect parent for her, and that if every parent was as understanding, adaptable and accommodating as me his job would be much easier.
I can go on long vacations with friends and everyone has a great time, and I'm always invited back. I'm pretty much on most people I know's A list when it comes to inviting people to things. One of the reasons for this, people keep on telling me, is that they see me as a good person, someone who helps people out all the time and tries to do the right thing by everyone as much as possible, and among other things, this makes me fun to be with.
HOWEVER, thinking about it, 90% of the people I get on without any trouble with, are Thinkers of some sort. A few are not - all xxFP's. But of those who have this fixed and ancient opinion of me being cold, mean, evil, nasty and possibly mentally ill, they're ALL Feelers. In fact, they're all xxFJ's.
It seems that in their opinion, in order for someone to be a 'good person', they have to be a Feeler. They have to think as they do, and set as much store by their and others' emotions as these NJ's do. There seems to be no room in their world at all for the idea of someone being a good person, despite being unsentimental and unemotional.
I've tried everything I can to get through to them - I've even used Data the android as an example of a 'person' who is good and lovable despite being void of emotion or awareness of others' emotions. But it seems that the only way in which they're willing to concede this is by saying that he 'does good things', but cannot be a good person, because the good things he does are "not done out of true empathy".
In short, all the FJ's I know seem to demonstrate an attitude that presumes the only true good in the world is the result of pure empathy, and that without empathy, no good is possible. Therefore, it seems to be their view, most people with a strong Thinking preference are at best, evil people who might be able to 'resist' evil and appear good, by imitating Feeler behaviour.
And I'm sick of being judged all the fucking time like this. So, Feelers, your advice?