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  1. #91
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    When I have been the victim of that kind of character assassination, if I give it time, things usually come out okay. Like you, people who know me either know better or will eventually get around to asking my side of the story or the person who is saying the bad stuff finally gets enough rope and hangs herself.

    That doesn't mean it isn't terribly distressing in the meantime. When you make an effort in your life to be authentically good, sometimes you don't come out looking good because you don't have the time and energy to focus on spin doctoring everything you do. Being good is a lot of work, internally and externally. Generally, the truth does come out and if it does not, well, you aren't so much doing it for them are you? You do it from you own sense of what is right and as your worship to God. Haven't people that try to do right and serve God always been misunderstood?

    I'm glad that it has worked out okay for you, but I want you to be assured you are not in the boat alone.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #92
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    In actual fact, since I started this thread last night, worried about people I care about believing what they were saying, little did I know that by this afternoon I'd have been phoned and texted by a load of people offering me support and condemning the way that couple behaved towards me both before and after the breakup. I've also been congratulated on finally screwing up the courage to break free of them. I didn't do any machinations or manipulations, I didn't defend myself to anyone, I just went out for a drive today on my own to get away from it all, and while I was out, I got all these phone calls on my cellphone. Ten minutes after I got back, three people called by to see if I was alright, and to express support for me and disgust at how I've been treated. edit - and one just called now to apologise for laying into me about it yesterday without checking their facts! I quote: "I should've known it wasn't like they were saying, because you're one of the most long-suffering people I've known."

    So in fact it appears that the moral of the story for me is more like "have more faith in your friends to spot a psycho when they see one and not fall for anything they're told about you", and "have more faith in your own hard work at doing good and being the best you can all the time, to speak for itself regardless of what anyone else tries to tell people".
    Yup. It's scary to not "defend" yourself and to just let your life speak for itself, but I think you learned an important thing here -- that your friends know you better than you had thought. And people are smarter than sometimes we feel they are. Again, it is simply the lack of control that I would find (well, actually DO find) terrifying: If I don't actively defend myself, will people think poorly of me?

    In any case, you now know that you're doing lots of stuff "right." And you can trust your friends. And they actually DO know you.

    I didn't "ask for pity" as wildcat absurdly proclaims, and if anyone can find anywhere a quotation of me that even suggests or hints that I have any problem dealing with my own kids, then I'll be damned!
    It did seem to come from left field -- Wrigley Field, by my accounts, and I'm on the East Coast!

    And yeah, there is a lot of my feelings involved in my responses because basically I'm being kicked around 'til black and blue, now both in person and on the fucking internet by total strangers, when all I've done is, in my own dumbass way, tried to be good! (Ok, now I'm asking for pity... lol well, not asking exactly, but hoping maybe!)
    Oh, suck it up, princess...!

    <ps. That was supposed to be a joke. >

    Seriously, though -- screw them. They don't know you. They have no part in your life. Who cares what they think, beyond the "common courtesy" level? Give them only as much weight as they are due, then ignore them. Why should you think they have more of a handle on you than you and your RL friends do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    What's that Rudyard Kipling quote that always brought up at times like this?


    Wait, wasn't it, "Now I know why tigers eat their young" ?
    (Or was that Rodney Dangerfield?)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #93
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Seriously, though -- screw them. They don't know you. They have no part in your life. Who cares what they think, beyond the "common courtesy" level? Give them only as much weight as they are due, then ignore them. Why should you think they have more of a handle on you than you and your RL friends do?
    The real problem is that I've been stripped of my Q powers. It's hard to remember that you can't just re-set everything back to normal again once you've had your fun, or turn the people who are barking at you into dogs, and you realise you have to get on with these schmucks* cos you're stuck with them for the rest of your life... ugh!


    [pokes NF's with sticks]




    *humans
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  4. #94
    *ears perk up* wolfmaiden14's Avatar
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    You do good. And you try to understand, but not everyone can be perfect, and not everyone can understand everything. You learned, and that's what's important. Walking away with a lesson and not just animosity is what makes you a good person. And I'm glad you have friends that realize that!
    Forming characters! Whose? Our own or others? Both. And in that momentous fact lies the peril and responsibility of our existence. - Elihu Burritt

    Member of the Maverick's Biker Club - Now crashing through walls instead of just..walking into them.

  5. #95
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Under normal circumstances I'd feel the same way when it comes to people, but in some cases there's more at stake and you have to make the effort, pointless and annoying though it may feel. Plus, though my initial instinct is just like you - 'Fuck them, meh' - I have religious beliefs that have me making an ass of myself because I felt guilty and ashamed of just being willing to fuck 'em and leave them flailing and hurting because of a misunderstanding, I feel compelled to try and rectify the situation.

    But the attitude I described, I think it's fair to say that is one that's native to most ENTP's, even if it's normally not turned towards the world of people and relations, but rather, objects and experiments etc.
    maybe the problem is that i said "please" when i should have just said, "do not speak for me and all ENTPs".

    it is not an 'ENTP thing' to lose the ability to see when a situation is futile and then walk away.

    this experience of yours is a "you" thing.

    the only time i've ever dug in my heels and sacrificed to such a degree was in a romantic relationship. not a family or friend relationship where being objective over emotional is automatic, but when i was "in love".

    and, even then, i was objective enough to walk away without regret when (and precisely because) i'd done all i could and knew it.

    being a 'good person' doesn't have to include putting other's needs ahead of your own so that everyone is happy, but recognizing and accepting others (as well as yourself), faults and all, and that that means not everyone is going to be content in some situations. there are times when just letting someone think what they want and letting go IS doing the right thing for yourself and them.

    stop dragging me through the mud with you.
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  6. #96
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    maybe the problem is that i said "please" when i should have just said, "do not speak for me and all ENTPs".

    it is not an 'ENTP thing' to lose the ability to see when a situation is futile and then walk away.

    this experience of yours is a "you" thing.

    the only time i've ever dug in my heels and sacrificed to such a degree was in a romantic relationship. not a family or friend relationship where being objective over emotional is automatic, but when i was "in love".

    and, even then, i was objective enough to walk away without regret when (and precisely because) i'd done all i could and knew it.

    stop dragging me through the mud with you.
    Hey, ouch! .... deleted the rest cos it's another stupid derailment of me trying to defend myself pointlessly in public! Will take it to pm...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #97
    Senior Member Snail's Avatar
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    I confess that I am, in some ways, no better than your enemies. My main definition of morality (as applied to other F types) is empathy-dependent. I have heard that some T types can develop strong sympathy to mimic empathy, but somewhere, deep down, it always seems like T types can, at best, pretend to be good people. Perhaps it is the will to be good that has the value, however, and if the desire to empathize exists without the ability, I believe the act of choosing is what qualifies as being good. Our intentions have greater moral significance than our actions, and it is this loophole that redeems the T types by removing responsibility for those things that cannot be controlled by the will. It would be unfair to judge them using the same standards I apply to myself. If a person intends to be a compassionate, empathetic person, but is born with the T as a spiritual handicap, it is insensitive for someone to label that person immoral. We are only morally responsible for acts of the will, not for conditions with which we were born. Being born with a T is not a sin. Therefore, a T who wills compassion and empathy is good whether or not he is effective at manifesting those qualities.

  8. #98
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    dear substitute,

    thats bullshit on their part
    do for yourself and your kids
    cuz if you need space, make it

    the end,

    AvereX - Disappearing One and Ruler of the Elves
    I N V I C T U S

  9. #99
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    I'm not going to read this thread I'm just going to answer the question of the title:

    Yes, only feelers can be good people. Ts know there is no good.
    wails from the crypt.

  10. #100
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by murkrow View Post

    Yes, only feelers can be good people. Ts know there is no good.

    True.

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