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View Poll Results: do you feel you have fulfilled your parents' expectations/wishes?

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  • yes, almost 100% !

    3 7.69%
  • pretty good,..about 70%-80% of 'em!

    11 28.21%
  • not really,..only about 30%-40% only!

    13 33.33%
  • still not, or perhaps never will! it's just damn hard!..

    12 30.77%
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  1. #1
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Default NFs, have you fulfilled your parents' expectations, or not?

    how many of you -especially NFs- feel that you have fulfilled your parents' expectations?
    ...or perhaps to the contrary, do many of you feel that you often made them sort of 'dissapointed' in you, & what you chose to do/want in life?

    this could mean many things, such as:
    - you took the uni Major/Degree that your parents want, with the results that your parents also want
    - later on, you worked on a job/field that your parents want, with the results that your parents also want
    - or, you're married, have kids, according to parents' expectations/wishes

    or,
    do you rather feel that,
    the more 'mature' we are, the more we grow into an Adult,
    the reality seems to be we dissapoint our parents much more, than we fulfill/satisfy their expectations/wishes ?

    and do you think, it's especially hard for NFs type,
    especially if our parents are like, NTs, and much especially, if they're an SJs ?..

    what do you guys think on this issue?
    let's discuss!

  2. #2
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    YOu can never fulfill them. I tried. I have a steady relationship,and I have a Masters degree. But the fact that I'm not using that masters degree in the way they want me to and building out a carreer, as well as having a 'stable' life, tends to frustrate them.

    It hurts to disappoint them, but I've quit trying to make them happy as it makes me miserable and it seems to be impossible to do. They've sort of come to terms with it, though it is still a sore point for them when it comes up.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
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    It's hard to say. My parents are pretty flexible.

    I went to college, but it would have been okay if I hadn't (as long as I was working or doing something). They're excited about what I'm studying, but really anything would have been fine.

    There was a period of time where I seriously thought about being a dancer. And I remember my mom saying something to the effect of, "You better prepare yourself. The starving-artist way of life isn't easy." But she didn't mean that I shouldn't have done it. She really just meant that I would have to work my ass off.

    I guess it all boils down to: Do whatever you like to do, but do well/try your hardest. Be responsible. Be a decent human being.

    The only thing I'm worried about is the get married/provide grandchild(ren) thing. haha I know my mom would really like that. I'm still young though, so hopefully I end up fulfilling that eventually.

  4. #4
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lacey View Post
    It's hard to say. My parents are pretty flexible.

    I went to college, but it would have been okay if I hadn't (as long as I was working or doing something). They're excited about what I'm studying, but really anything would have been fine.

    There was a period of time where I seriously thought about being a dancer. And I remember my mom saying something to the effect of, "You better prepare yourself. The starving-artist way of life isn't easy." But she didn't mean that I shouldn't have done it. She really just meant that I would have to work my ass off.

    I guess it all boils down to: Do whatever you like to do, but do well/try your hardest. Be responsible. Be a decent human being.

    The only thing I'm worried about is the get married/provide grandchild(ren) thing. haha I know my mom would really like that. I'm still young though, so hopefully I end up fulfilling that eventually.
    I'm glad that your parents are the flexible type..
    because not all parents are that 'flexible, open-minded' ,
    especially in Asian culture, many Asian parents seem to push their expectations into their kids, & causing the kids unbearable stress, to the extreme point of comitting suicide.. definitely not a good thing for the kids' psyche, and life!

    my parents are, unfortunately, the 'rigid, very stern' type,
    that they seem to want me to follow/fulfill whatever expectation they have for me, in university degree, and now, most especially -which causes me HUGE stress currently- in career-choice, and money.
    I am often sad, by how they, especially my dad, kinda see me as 'useless' kid, and 'impractical, slow' one.
    my parents are of IS type, I think my dad is an ISTJ/P
    and my mom is an ISFJ.
    and I am an INFP,..it is sad how often our values & opinions often clash, especially now at my "adult" age of 27 yrs old

    how I often wish I could make them smile & happy,
    but it seems to be more & more difficult to make them happy, especially proud of me..
    everything I do seems lacking in their eyes, or not according to their expectations/wants.
    it causes me a huge confusions, and also stress, because at one side, I always want to make them proud,
    but on another side, I am so afraid that I'll probably never able to make them proud/fulfill their expectations,..as our values in life is just soo...different!

    I often just don't know what to do..
    in fact, just this afternoon, my dad once again scorned me, and view me as 'no-good' person..!

    I am making this thread, also to see if in general, whether culture plays a huge role in shaping the parents into the 'open-minded' type, or the 'rigid, stern' one.

    btw, Lacey, I've noticed that your "Location" is in Tokyo,
    just wondering, are you an Asian (japanese),
    or from West, but stays in Tokyo?

  5. #5
    Senor Membrane
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    As far as mom's concerned, I have, but to her the expectations were more abstract than those of my farther. I'll be "good person" gladly, but dad wants more practical things, even if he doesn't often tell me about them. I should be normal and work every day, get married, have family, the normal stuff. And I have nothing against these, but if I don't have the right work and the right woman to settle down with, it is waste of time reminding me about them as if that would make the right one to come faster.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    My father (only parent) will love me just the same no matter what I do or where I go- He's an INFP. And that is all that matters..more than expectations. If your parents truly love you, then expectations only go so far in determining a relationship.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  7. #7

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    Yeh, I've got an INTP and an INFJ for parents. We live on different planets. I'll probably never fulfil their definition of success. Most times I succeed at something they think I cruised and underperformed, or didn't get it and lucked out. They think I'm meant to take an orderly well structured approach where I do things in an organised manner or something. If I do that and achieve a tenth of the amount, apparently I've matured and found success. Or maybe then they can see me going somewhere.

    That isn't to say I don't have awesome parents. In a strange way this set up has always driven me to try for more and up the challenge. One day they'll like it done my way .
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  8. #8
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    No, and I never will. I actually didn't understand that until about five years ago, so I spent a lot of time desperately trying to accomplish the impossible. I'm finally beginning to acknowledge those things that are true and real for me without as many feelings of guilt and betrayal.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  9. #9

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    I think my parents are ENTJ and ISTJ and I don't think I will ever fulfill their expectations, even though I have worked my ass off all my life. They're just too critical. I have tried to make them happy in the expense of myself unfortunately. I think its that 'win-win' situation, I tried to find a middle ground. Now I realised there isn't any because I let go of things that I wanted, thinking that they know best. I'm in the process of changing this mindset.

  10. #10
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    My father actually wanted me to become normal, get good grades and choose to work in a laboratory, but that didn't happen. I became strange, get lower grades and will never be able to work in a laboratory. He doesn't like it, but I don't care. This is just the way things went. If you told anyone what my life would look like right now 6 years ago, no one would have believed it. Things turned out for the worst, even worse than I expected it could be, and we'll all just have to go and live with it.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
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