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View Poll Results: do you feel you have fulfilled your parents' expectations/wishes?

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  • yes, almost 100% !

    3 7.69%
  • pretty good,..about 70%-80% of 'em!

    11 28.21%
  • not really,..only about 30%-40% only!

    13 33.33%
  • still not, or perhaps never will! it's just damn hard!..

    12 30.77%
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Thread: NFs, have you fulfilled your parents' expectations, or not?

  1. #21
    Emperor/Dictator Array kyuuei's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    how many of you -especially NFs- feel that you have fulfilled your parents' expectations?
    ...or perhaps to the contrary, do many of you feel that you often made them sort of 'dissapointed' in you, & what you chose to do/want in life?
    I've often felt like, when it comes to smaller details, I have failed my parents. I think, overall though, I have gone above and beyond what they hoped for out of me. When I say this, I mean that I get good grades, help out, pull my weight, I'm a good citizen and follow the law, I'm respectful, and I'm doing the most with the tools I've been provided with by them.. But then it comes to small details (like I don't want to take over my dad's business, I want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer like my parents wanted, I'm not married and having children like my mother wants..) I fall short for them.. There's little I can do about those things, so I try to make up for them in the broader categories.

    and do you think, it's especially hard for NFs type,
    especially if our parents are like, NTs, and much especially, if they're an SJs ?..
    I think its difficult, especially growing up, the mentality differences. Now that I am an adult, I can explain myself, I have a status.. being entirely under their rules, it was very hard on me growing up. A good example: My first boyfriend being online and 4 years older than me, something my parents definitely did not approve of.. We fought over that for an entire year until I finally called it off to respect my parent's wishes.

    My youngest sister I believe has an easier time growing up than I did because I'm here and have a status as an adult now to help bridge the communication barriers that she has with them now.
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  2. #22
    Aspiring Troens Ridder Array KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008


    My late father was INFP, so he was very easy with me, always understanding and defending me. I don't think he had specific expectations for my life, he supported me in my artistic work, shared his tastes and ideas with me, we had a great relationship. I learned a lot from him. I suppose he expected me to have integrity, to be responsible and righteous, and I also care about this, so that worked just fine.
    My mother is ESTJ and I'm just starting to get along with her after 26 years. She had clear, concrete STJ expectations for me (being a good housewife was one), and I obviously couldn't become the opposite of myself, so I pretty much spent my childhood being grounded. Everything in me she saw as rebellion or disobedience to her authority, and she had to punish me for it. I suppose the only expectation I ended up fulfilling in her case was becoming a church musician. I think she is starting to see good things in me though, things she lacks, wisdom, depth of compassion and creativity, and she does respect me for it now, often asking me for advice and calling me her "little counselor."

  3. #23
    No Array Thalassa's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    6w7 sx
    SEE Fi


    My mom is an ESFP. She would like for me to finish college, which I am working on. Basically she wants me to be happy and not miserable. I love her for not holding me to ridiculously high standards. Not sure of my (deceased) dad's type, but his only "expectation" for me was that I take music lessons as a child. My parents are not typical parents, I suppose.

    My maternal grandfather wanted me to go into the Air Force when I graduated high school so I could go to college on full government aid and do something with computers or math. Um...yeah...about that.
    "Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul." - Edward Abbey

    SEE-Fi /Gamma

  4. #24
    Senior Member Array Chloe's Avatar
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    May 2009


    my mom doesnt really have expectations from me, which may seem like a good thing, but it isnt...
    my dad was the same, even more extreme

  5. #25


    reading all these replies really make me see how even vastly different the expectations/wishes that a dad, mom, grandfather, grandmother have on their children/grandchildren!

    so I think it's true the saying that "the key to failure is to please everyone" ,
    because you simply can't! how can you fulfill 100%-perfectly, your dad's, mom's grandfather's and grandmother's expectations on you?
    each person has his/her own perspective & 'agenda' , I'd say..
    so it's very hard, if not impossible to fulfill them.
    thanks for making me see 'em.

  6. #26


    Probably not. But then again, I chose my own path and this is the price I have to pay for it.

    My sister probably fit their expectations better... but with her sheltered upbringing shes kinda... detached from the world? As in she doesn't really know how to look after herself, my parents have to make sure she eats, etc, etc. And when any of my friends come over she doesn't even do so much as say hi. She's in her own world, literally.

    I suppose I'm the more independent sort but I'm not sure if thats what my parents appreciate. They'd rather I be as intelligent as my sister even if I were to be as dependent as her. Ironically, they are "relying" on me to get married as my brother is 7 years younger and they doubt she would get married (at least not now) I guess. But boo on that. I am in a relationship for 2 years and its pretty steady but I will marry as and when I want. :P
    I am an ENFP but I value justice over mercy.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Array Lacey's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    6w5 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Chloee View Post
    my mom doesnt really have expectations from me, which may seem like a good thing, but it isnt...
    my dad was the same, even more extreme
    Yeah, I kind forgot to mention in my last post that my dad really doesn't care. Which basically makes me feel like shit.


    It's nice that my mom basically gives me the freedom to do what I want. On the other hand, since there really are no expectations...I have unlimited choices. Which makes me not want to choose anything.

  8. #28
    Member Array Tofu562's Avatar
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    Nov 2009


    high school dropout right here... FAIL

  9. #29
    Senior Member Array Kastor's Avatar
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    Jul 2007


    Aside from being a nice kid, not at all, really :/

  10. #30
    Senior Member Array Phoenix_400's Avatar
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    Sep 2009


    I've had knock-down, drag-outs with parents over everything I ever wanted to do. Of course, I was sort of an oddball compared to the rest of the family. Different views, Introverted, Tech-geek in a farming family. My parents way of trying to get you to go along was to beat your self-confidence down until the only way you thought you could succeed was by doing things their way. I was resilient though and went my own way.

    My parents were always proud of me AFTER I accomplished something, but until then it was "you'll never make it/that's just crazy/etc." There's only ONE thing in my life that I've done that my parents have been proud of me for from the get-go. Unfortunately, my dad passed before he could see it come to fruition.
    "People in glass houses shouldn't use Windex when living near bird sanctuaries."- myself

    "We are never alone my friend. We are constantly in the company of victories, losses, strengths and weaknesses. Make no mistake, life is war...and war is hell. Those who fight the hardest will suffer the most...but that's what you have to do: Fight. As long as you're feeling pain, then there's hope...because only the dead do not suffer." -RD Metcalf

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