[ENFP] ENFPs - mature slower?

[Chloe]

Well I read somewhere that ENFPs tend to always look and act younger than their real age, and it can often make some problem, like in school... i'm not talking only about childish behavio(u)r, but about more "serious" stuff; like, for ex. I always felt 3-4 years younger than I'm... when I was 16 some of my friends were getting in more serious relationships - meaning, real love, intimacy blah blah.. it was all foreign to me, i had bf but i wasn't really at my age level. Same with when i was 19, then I figured out i'm like other girls at 16.. like wanting to attract boys out of real sexual desire, not play...
and now when i'm 23, i feel i perfectly match people who are 19-20 in my maturity level.
ex. some women at 23 already can imagine being mothers, i think it'll take 10 years till i get there... if i get there (not that i really care for now).

i think it often left me feeling inadequate, subconsciously at least.

so, ... can anyone relate to this?

edit: i must state it's only in some fields, not all...

 

[Charmed Justice]

Are you the youngest in your family?

 

[Chloe]

yes?
but i wasnt "sweet daddy's and mommys little girl" -actually i was in situation that i needed to grown up much earlier than my friends.. so ..

 

[wolfy]

I don't know if enfp mature more slowly. But if they do, then like good food and alcohol, slow maturing will lead to an exquisite taste. A full bodied aroma. Full of flavour.

 

[Charmed Justice]

Hm, I suppose it would depend on when the situation arose that put you in a position such that you felt you needed to grow up.

I think ENFPs often exude a childlike enthusiasm, and perhaps feel and relate to being youthful, but I personally wouldn't say that we mature more slowly as a group.

There are so many factors that go into how quickly someone matures(what does that mean?). I was always labeled as quite mature for my age(according to the adults around me), not a good thing in and of itself, but I was an only child. Typical.

I also think it depends on what is meant by the word mature. We're never really "mature" in the ideal sense. Some people are more emotionally mature, others more fiscally, some more socially, others more intellectually. We've all got a lifetime of growing up to do.

 

[Chloe]

I also think it depends on what is meant by the word mature. We're never really "mature" in the ideal sense. Some people are more emotionally mature, others more fiscally, some more socially, others more intellectually. We've all got a lifetime of growing up to do.

Yeah, by immature i dont mean not being wise, deep.. more like what i wrote in OP...

 

[Charmed Justice]

Same applies I would think. We all develop at our own pace for a multitude of reasons. There's nothing wrong with not being able to yet imagine yourself married with children at your age. Do you feel pressure from people to be moving forward with things you know you aren't ready for yet? What's the source of the feelings of inadequacy?

 

[Scott N Denver]

Hmmm, I've never thought about this before, but now that I am I can totally see it. I think its an NFP thing, but more evident and pronounced in ENFP's, you know, that whole EP dynamic.

While it doesnt apply to all ENFP's, I truly think that in general ENFP's can often "coast" by in life, doing there spontaneous unplanned EP lifestyle thing, and while they may enjoy such "coasting", other people are developing/maturing/accomplishing more.

With that said, like ENFP[F?]er, I've always been called mature for my age.

 

[Thalassa]

People tend to think I'm younger than I am all of the time, I mean IRL not just on-line

I also relate well to people who are younger than me as well as people my own age. I'm not as annoyed by high school kids as some people my age are.

I look at it as a positive thing. If I'm immature for my age, oh well. It's not like I have children who will suffer for it.

But in regards to the OP, no, I did not mature more slowly in terms of boys or dating or anything like that. I was about average.

P.S. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. That does not make you inadequate. Some people choose to remain childfree for their entire lives. Having kids does not automatically make you a grown up.

 

[Snuggletron]

maybe it is the peter pan complex. ENFPs can just have a child-like essence about them.

 

[Hexis]

I had to grow up really quick, I think my childhood stopped roughly around nine when I realized neither of my parents where effective parents. But at the same time even though on a maturity level I know i surpassed many of my peers very quickly, I still to this day feel a bit childish when I think of my actions through how others must see them. But im reassured on almost a daily basis through the admiration and respect I inspire in my friends that if I might think that of myself, others definitely dont.

But I definitely agree I have almost something akin to child-like innocence when it comes to my idealistic view of the world. But at the same time, my brain can interpret this as something nice but fantastical and im able to look past it and see the real world.

 

[hermeticdancer]

23, you are just a baby, yourself.
Don't feel ashamed about what happened in the past. A lot of us have been though it.
Im 29, and just realizing that I may not want to have kids. (unless I meet a man who has them) Enough about me...

You are so young my dear, please take care of yourself, and have fun. Take your time with relationships, and make sure to protect yourself. You have a good head on your shoulders and there is no need to rush into things, get married, or have babies, at this point. It's your decision, when you decide to do that. Try to make sure you have a husband and stability first, it makes it a lot easier, be smart, and not impulsive, it takes more than love to raise a family. I'm sure you know all that. Just me wanting to help.

I would stick to playing, but responsibly, of course, cause guys can be, ya know, dusche bags.

 

[Pristinegirl]

maybe it is the peter pan complex. ENFPs can just have a child-like essence about them.

So well said. I know the peter pan complex for sure.. I'm getting more anxious by the day as I turn 18 and become legally adult in December

And saddest part is that the law is the only thing I have backing me up when it comes to keeping my mother from ignoring me...

I think maturity reflects the degree of childishness.
Whereas you can be extremely mature yet still very childlike.

 

[Scott N Denver]

Whereas you can be extremely mature yet still very childlike.

I think that NFP's can excel at this.

 

[Queen Kat]

I matured quicker than my peers. I often thought they were too childish and I prefered to hang out with older people, because I could relate more to them. But now that I turned 18, I notice that I'm more playful than other 18 year olds. I like having fun and most of them are so disciplined and serious and boring and stuff.

 

[Litvyak]

In a strictly emotional perspective:

ENFPs are mature, yet they act like immature brats.
I act like I'm 10 years older, yet I am an immature brat.

At least that's how I see things. No self-pity or anything, I have my own strong points.

 

[kiddykat]

Depends on life experiences?

Some people had to go through A LOT at a young age, so they were forced to mature quickly.. By enduring such pain, and having the ability to retain a sense of resiliency/wisdom, that person may still be mature, but maintain that child-like innocence at the same time. -Mature in their depths of understanding life's ups/downs, and child-like in learning to let go and embrace whatever life throws at them, while still having fun..

It's about perception.

 

[Yloh]

Well I read somewhere that ENFPs tend to always look and act younger than their real age, and it can often make some problem, like in school... i'm not talking only about childish behavio(u)r, but about more "serious" stuff; like, for ex. I always felt 3-4 years younger than I'm... when I was 16 some of my friends were getting in more serious relationships - meaning, real love, intimacy blah blah.. it was all foreign to me, i had bf but i wasn't really at my age level. Same with when i was 19, then I figured out i'm like other girls at 16.. like wanting to attract boys out of real sexual desire, not play...
and now when i'm 23, i feel i perfectly match people who are 19-20 in my maturity level.
ex. some women at 23 already can imagine being mothers, i think it'll take 10 years till i get there... if i get there (not that i really care for now).

i think it often left me feeling inadequate, subconsciously at least.

so, ... can anyone relate to this?

edit: i must state it's only in some fields, not all...

I too can relate to most of what you are saying. I think being the youngest in the family is part of it because they don't have to take care of their younger siblings. I'm also the youngest in my family.

I'm 26 and my main group of friends are 20-23 years old. I've always hung with people 3 to 4 years younger than myself.

Just like you, I sometimes feel like I'm inadequate because everybody else seems so much older than me. I mean most people my age already have kids.

I've read that ENFPs do tend to be more child like. Me being an ENFJ may not completley fit, but I do feel like I can relate to the ENFP very well. My J is very week, so some people could mistake me for an ENFP.

One thing I've learned this year is we have a protental 60-70 years left in our lives. That is a LONG time to be dealing with kids, spouses, and other forms of major responsibility.

Do what you want out of life first. If you can become financially stable and/or mentally stable, then you are WAY ahead of those who would seem more mature than you.

Having responsibilities forced on somebody forces that person to grow up faster. If all your responsibilities is just taking care of yourself, then you will naturally have an additude of someone who is a little younger. By making yourself stable, you will prove to others that you are very mature and responsibile for your age. Don't worry too much on this subject and just enjoy life.

Don't know if this is where you were going at, but this is still helpful advice.

 

[Poki]

Well I read somewhere that ENFPs tend to always look and act younger than their real age, and it can often make some problem, like in school... i'm not talking only about childish behavio(u)r, but about more "serious" stuff; like, for ex. I always felt 3-4 years younger than I'm... when I was 16 some of my friends were getting in more serious relationships - meaning, real love, intimacy blah blah.. it was all foreign to me, i had bf but i wasn't really at my age level. Same with when i was 19, then I figured out i'm like other girls at 16.. like wanting to attract boys out of real sexual desire, not play...
and now when i'm 23, i feel i perfectly match people who are 19-20 in my maturity level.
ex. some women at 23 already can imagine being mothers, i think it'll take 10 years till i get there... if i get there (not that i really care for now).

i think it often left me feeling inadequate, subconsciously at least.

so, ... can anyone relate to this?

edit: i must state it's only in some fields, not all...

I would say I can act child like and playful, but I generally get along better with men that are 40+.

 

[Chloe]

Same applies I would think. We all develop at our own pace for a multitude of reasons. There's nothing wrong with not being able to yet imagine yourself married with children at your age. Do you feel pressure from people to be moving forward with things you know you aren't ready for yet? What's the source of the feelings of inadequacy?

Nah, I dont feel the pressure, I'm just saying I cant imagine myself for now, but I'm sure there was many times some pressure about such things...
I think it was mostly evident in primary school (that's here up to 14/15 years), when around 13 people started to act more in adult fashion and I was like it was not THAT evident, I just noticed this I'm sure there were even less "mature" than me people.. but I'm just thinking about it all. reflecting.

I look at it as a positive thing. If I'm immature for my age, oh well. It's not like I have children who will suffer for it.

But in regards to the OP, no, I did not mature more slowly in terms of boys or dating or anything like that. I was about average.

P.S. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. That does not make you inadequate. Some people choose to remain childfree for their entire lives. Having kids does not automatically make you a grown up.

heh, yeah, i know it can be looked positevely also...

-Mature in their depths of understanding life's ups/downs, and child-like in learning to let go and embrace whatever life throws at them, while still having fun..

Oh, this is the best combo you can have!
I also went through a lot from birth through all of my childhood, totally disfunctional family, war, dad with severe PTSD, death of parent and taking care of dying parent.. I just dont think this what I'm talking about is so linked to were you first child, or youngest, or your family... because like someone said I'm mature on the inside, it's more about that "age-appropriate" -by our weird society - stuff that I noticed I dont fit age group.
I kinda like it actually.. sometimes.

ENFPs are mature, yet they act like immature brats.

ha ha, good way to put it.

But now that I turned 18, I notice that I'm more playful than other 18 year olds. I like having fun and most of them are so disciplined and serious and boring and stuff.

haha, exactly...