User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 57

Thread: INFJ Rage?

  1. #11
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    2,808

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SS17 View Post
    That sounds exactly like my mom. Especially the crying and threatening to leave thing. Oh, sometimes she throws stuff off the coffee table too. Yeah, I noticed the joking thing too, but haven't been able to understand that. She actually laughs during some of her silent treatments.
    My MIL used to literally throw things at my husband(ISTJ) when he was little: shoes, slippers, curtain bars, etc... I think that he's figured her out over the years, so he does outrageous stuff to make her laugh. He'll ruffle her hair(something I'd never do to my mother who's an EXTJ), wrestle her to the ground in jest, etc..Her other sons(ISFP and EXTJ) just sort of distance themselves from her when she's mad. Me too.

    When your mom laughs, is that to say she's over it? Or is it the nervous laughter of a person who's exploding on the inside?
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  2. #12
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    INFJs are very easily embarrassed and also very self-conscious, so having others publicly draw attention to their foibles and laugh at them first feels like an intentional and real rejection of the INFJ, even when the INFJ understands intellectual that the person meant no malice. It is better to avoid this entirely!
    :eek: Oh, yes, that is the worst. The bad feeling you get from something like this just eats you up inside.

  3. #13
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    EnFpFer's MIL doesn't sound typical. However the behaviour described in the OP sounds exactly like me. I think it comes from sucking things up, trying to see things from other sides, wondering if I am overreacting and then the dam finally bursting. Yet if there are signs of remorse, I hate being on bad terms with anyone, nor do I like feeling angry. I have learned over time to try to say something sooner before it gets to that point, because it is very confusing for others to deal with.

    Regarding being teased about something and it being sometimes okay and sometimes not, usually it is a matter of trying to not be oversensitive but if it happens more than a couple times about a sore spot, sometimes my emotional cup just overflows and I either feel angry or hurt. INFJs are very easily embarrassed and also very self-conscious, so having others publicly draw attention to their foibles and laugh at them first feels like an intentional and real rejection of the INFJ, even when the INFJ understands intellectual that the person meant no malice. It is better to avoid this entirely!
    Okay, so it sounds like INFJs don't say something early on because they're trying really hard not to create any tension. So they just forget about it. And when things start accumulating, they finally can't take it any more and decide to say something about it. But when they're talking about the recent mistake someone made, they also (accidentally?) mention the previous mistakes to reinforce their point?
    It seems to me like most INFJs don't really want to resort to bringing up the past--but it just comes up somehow. Am I getting closer to understanding?

    Oh yeah, I never try to provoke any Feelers about anything. Accidentally did that once and it was terrible.

    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    When your mom laughs, is that to say she's over it? Or is it the nervous laughter of a person who's exploding on the inside?
    Well, for a minute or two it's kind of like a shy laugh. It usually means she's getting over it, but then all of a sudden she'll snap back to the silent treatment.

  4. #14
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    @SS17:

    Word to the wise regarding her not showing her anger for weeks at a time: there's a world inside each and every one of us, and though there's often a strong correlation, it is a mistake to presume that observable actions are reflective of someone's inner state.

    (Speaking as someone who has made this mistake a time or two herself--for example, for a while I presumed ESFPs were oblivious to a lot of the problems going on around them, but after many conversations with my ESFP sister I've learned that some of them are just exceptionally great at maintaining a good attitude and keeping up their spirits in the face of stuff that would drag most people down.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #15
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    SS17, what part confuses you?

  6. #16
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,081

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SS17 View Post
    Okay, so it sounds like INFJs don't say something early on because they're trying really hard not to create any tension. So they just forget about it. And when things start accumulating, they finally can't take it any more and decide to say something about it. But when they're talking about the recent mistake someone made, they also (accidentally?) mention the previous mistakes to reinforce their point?
    It seems to me like most INFJs don't really want to resort to bringing up the past--but it just comes up somehow. Am I getting closer to understanding?

    Well, for a minute or two it's kind of like a shy laugh. It usually means she's getting over it, but then all of a sudden she'll snap back to the silent treatment.
    You are close in that first paragraph. The INFJ doesn't just forget about the other incidents. They are frustrated at the time, but don't want to be hasty and overreact. They are trying to explain when they finally do explode that they have done everything they can to deal with this problem on their own and that the other person has overloaded them with enough things this is no longer possible. It is not just about one seemingly tiny incident. They hate being seen as oversensitive or wimpy. They are usually able to handle quite a lot and they also don't prefer to become emotional and cry in front of other people. This is usually the point at which some well-meaning T explains that they are being oversensitive and making a big deal out of something that isn't. (Which adds gasoline to the fire, even while they are frantically shovelling dirt and beating wet towels over it internally in efforts to quell it as soon as possible). The incident they snap about is just the straw that broke the camel's back. They actually hate this feeling and are doing their best to bleed off enough emotion that they can once again be as objective as possible and return to a calm way of dealing with things. Because of not wanting to be seen as difficult or wimpy, often INFJs don't completely finish expressing all of what has been rankling, which is why the topic gets revisited several days after you thought you got it all worked out with them.
    The description of the shy laugh later in your quote is her trying desperately to get back to normal, but then thinking about the things that are still not fixed that are bothering her. She's doing her best not to be that way and the silence certainly isn't for dramatic effect.

  7. #17
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    @SS17:

    Word to the wise regarding her not showing her anger for weeks at a time: there's a world inside each and every one of us, and though there's often a strong correlation, it is a mistake to presume that observable actions are reflective of someone's inner state.

    (Speaking as someone who has made this mistake a time or two herself--for example, for a while I presumed ESFPs were oblivious to a lot of the problems going on around them, but after many conversations with my ESFP sister I've learned that some of them are just exceptionally great at maintaining a good attitude and keeping up their spirits in the face of stuff that would drag most people down.)
    Yeah, you're right. It was pretty wrong of me to think that; I think that others are going to react to something the same way that I would. I'm getting better at understanding other people now though. =]

    Thank you for sharing your insight everyone, you all have really helped me a lot!

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,081

    Default

    That's one of the most useful things about this forum. What seems like the most likely thing to be thinking/feeling is totally mystifying to another type at times. I wish I had had access to these people's brains a couple of years ago!

  9. #19
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    The bad thing is that once the can of worms is opened, you may be talking about it for weeks. Because if the INFJ says everything, ev er y thing, usually it comes as a revelation to the other person, and they end up taking a couple of days to process all that themselves, bits and pieces of it will keep coming back to them, etc., and they'll want to talk it out. It's not always petty stuff, you know? Sometimes I don't say anything because I know that if I do, it will upset the other person profoundly, like shake their foundations. Ditto for slamming or throwing things. Better if I do that than say what I'm thinking, sometimes. Better for the other person.

  10. #20
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,081

    Default

    INFJs also like to have things neatly tucked away in their heads with everything in its proper place. It's kind of like having a junk drawer that needs sorting. What may seem like harping on something is really only their need to find a proper place to put that item, and sometimes they need your help in being able to do so. If you can see it in that way, you realize that it is not a personal attack, but rather that you are performing a valuable service that will benefit you both.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] INFJs - anger and upset?
    By Eileen in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 70
    Last Post: 05-06-2015, 09:28 AM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ Compatibility - INFJ's Romantic Match?
    By shadowstormz in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 339
    Last Post: 07-17-2014, 06:09 AM
  3. [INFJ] Psychic INFJ's?
    By shadowstormz in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 04-19-2012, 11:18 AM
  4. [INFJ] INFJ organizational strategies
    By Scruffy1123 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 03-14-2009, 02:45 AM
  5. [INFJ] Any INFJ girls?
    By findthejake in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 157
    Last Post: 05-11-2008, 04:58 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO