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  1. #11
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    i think ive done about everything you guys have mentioned here, but i dont rush into another relationship to ease my wounded heart, i go into myself and brood,and ponder my shortcomings, behaviour and needs....in the past i have had a bad habit of holding on to relationships that dont work, because of fear of loneliness, but ive lived on my own for nearly 2 years now and i dont feel half as lonely as i did when i first broke up with the father of my 2 children. in fact, its given me a huge independence boost. the only thing i fear is falling in love too fast too soon, and being too clingy, which i once did once and felt a right sticky bon bon.... prior to that i'm actually quite the opposite and not needy and clingy at all...god knows where that come from i felt like i just drank an orchard in a cosmic seed and was intoxicated by its nectar ..... .....but still, i'd do it all again but sweetly sip and try a different fruit this time

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Schizm View Post
    Man, you are opening up Pandora's Box.
    oh c'mon, your killin' me here

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eternue-MDL View Post
    Wipe yourself of her by ignoring her. Tell her bluntly you are ignoring her because it is better than having your niceties being misshapen and twisted. Walk away no matter what she might say or how she responds (or run if she goes postal). Perhaps being isolated from you will make her introspect rather than manipulate you. I feel for you; because while ignoring her seems easy and is the rational thing to do, the emotional residue of conflict is almost tangible and troubling.
    I will continue to politely greet her, because it's against my principles to ignore someone (and when I said I "ignored" her I still continued to greet her but didn't pay any further attention). However, I will avoid any further contact.

    It is strange that she is trying to manipulate me as you suggest. I think less of her as a person for doing so.

  4. #14
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    I've only had one really serious breakup, and it was with someone that i had been with for 4 years, so it was quite hard on me. We had a hard time actually getting used to the break up and not doing the same things we had done everyday for 4 years, sometimes i would forget we were broken up at all, mostly because i really just didn't want it to be over. We both spent a lot of time trying to talk it out. He was an INFJ so i've experienced an NF/NF breakup and it is so very very painful. We've been broken up for almost 2 years now, but when we see each other, everything just comes rushing back, and we start bringing up all the good ol times and we just really miss each other, i still don't think i've really gotten over that break up. It took him a few months to start dating someone else, although, even she knows that he is only dating her because i wouldn't get back with him. It took me a little under a year to start dating someone else.
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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by scantilyclad View Post
    I've only had one really serious breakup, and it was with someone that i had been with for 4 years, so it was quite hard on me. We had a hard time actually getting used to the break up and not doing the same things we had done everyday for 4 years, sometimes i would forget we were broken up at all, mostly because i really just didn't want it to be over. We both spent a lot of time trying to talk it out. He was an INFJ so i've experienced an NF/NF breakup and it is so very very painful. We've been broken up for almost 2 years now, but when we see each other, everything just comes rushing back, and we start bringing up all the good ol times and we just really miss each other, i still don't think i've really gotten over that break up. It took him a few months to start dating someone else, although, even she knows that he is only dating her because i wouldn't get back with him. It took me a little under a year to start dating someone else.
    why the hell arent you 2 back together????????
    seriously, you miss him, hes only dating another because you wouldnt get back with him....why the games?

  6. #16
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I feel like shit and it takes me 8 months on average to find someone else.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by shen View Post
    why the hell arent you 2 back together????????
    seriously, you miss him, hes only dating another because you wouldnt get back with him....why the games?
    That's precisely what I was wondering. Well, perhaps with a bit more structure like apostrophes...

  8. #18
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shen View Post
    why the hell arent you 2 back together????????
    seriously, you miss him, hes only dating another because you wouldnt get back with him....why the games?
    well he cheated on me. I took him back the first time he did it, but i warned him that if he did it again i wouldn't be able to handle it, so i broke it off for good.
    He is happy with the girl he is with now, although he really did want to be with me, and i am very happy in my relationship, i think when it really comes down to it, we are much better people apart. It was just hard to move on from someone i was with for so long and we were so young, we started dating when we were 15. I'm happy with the relationship with have now, being friends has turned out wonderful, its just hard to see him with another person, even after all this time.

    And he is just a chronic cheater i guess. He's already cheated on his current girlfriend a few times. I of course warned her, i don't really know why he does this. I can't be with someone who tells me they love me and goes around banging other girls behind my back.
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    I went out with an unhealthy xNFx, type 2 or 6. She said I corresponded to her ideal and was already talking about children and marriage. She was very fearful and ambivalent. One day she wanted to commit suicide after I nearly dumped her. Then she made plans to get back with her ex behind my back. All this in the matter of two weeks. When I did dump her, she got back with her ex 1 hour later and told me she always loved him anyway but couldn't face it because he wasn't right "socially".

    I thought all was well but... I have to see her often. She told me also after the breakup, one day, that she would always be attracted to me. I've had conversations to try and ease things out. She is paranoid about everything I do. If I contradict her she thinks I'm "attacking" her. She is constantly irritated by me. She's been spreading gossip. I told her I wanted to be friends but she says it's not true and that I don't like her. Whatever I do, either by polite or ignore her, it's always wrong. If I ignore her she complains to everyone I'm giving her the cold shoulder. If I am nice she complains that I don't really like her.

    My God Maverick. Cut this woman out of your life or else get her professinoal help. She's toxic and will turn into a lifesucking boil on your butt. You are seriously asking for a hurting by continuing to let this woman manipulate you.

    I don't want to seem like I'm jumping on you for this, I'm sure you have your reasons, but as an outside observer this sounds like bad news.

    So do you still have feelings for her? Are you trying to support her because you know she needs help?

  10. #20
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    Default Speaking of Breakups --

    Can we list our approximate ages (even by decades people) and how many relationships we've been in? I love that people feel comfortable sharing and personally find it very illuminating -- but, without context it's not nearly as helpful.

    For instance, some people say that haven't been in 'many' or 'any' relationships but if you are 21 or under I think that can be contributed to literally years of opportunity and experimenting versus if you are in your 50s which might be contributed to having married your highschool sweetheart and still being together or just being an incredibly private person who prefers being alone.

    Also, are we defining "breakups" as only official dating partner relationships w/ physical intimacy, even if the physical intimacy is only holding hands? Do we only count break-ups past the age of 18? Is 'dating' considered different from being "in a relationship" and if so, do we count dating breakups to? Also, aren't people responses in 'breakups' really dependent on what the relationship and the person meant to them and if they are the kind fo person who 'sees the writing on the wall' for a while or is the person doing the dumping?

    I think some people are just very casual about their relationships and aren't deeply invested usually so breakups ain't no thing. But some people are HARDCORE monogamists who take their relationships very seriously investing a lot of time and energy, so even if they weren't deeply in love with the person, breaking up is hard because it's such a loss or change for them.

    Just my 2 cents.

    I hate to be a stinker on this, but these things do matter!

    And yes, I would personally love to hear more details from me people, because I like context.

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