Ok. Apologies in advance for how huge and dense this post is. It's hard to cover so much insanity.
So, I posted a good while back about my boyfriend, back when I could not, for the life of me, type him. He's an exemplary ENFP. I'm not hardcore about adhering to the MBTI or applying it very seriously to all situations, but I'm actually finding it's been insightful in my relationship.
The scoop: our relationship is very strange, as far as I can tell. I dreamt about him before I knew he existed (this is documented) and we seem to have a very deep connection between us. We've shared many dreams, coincidences, and experiences long distance. We're a very unlikely pair in many ways, and the way we met (outside of dreams) was an awkward forum online. We'd known each other a couple years before we got into the relationship, and that was after I realized the slew of dreams I'd been having were about him. It went on for two years mostly a nightmare. I tried to break up with him but somehow never did, we fought, it was just...generally very unhealthy, and for reasons I now understand. As crazy as it sounds, it's extremely difficult to understand personal boundaries when you're aware of a connection like ours.
In the end, he broke up with me and started to immediately pursue other people--guys; he's a male-preference bisexual. Even during his one relationship, when we weren't talking, he was showing up in otherwise completely unrelated dreams to tell me about his life -- details I could not have known, but were true. It was devastating and debilitating at points, to not have the ability to shut him out so that I could let go. It turned out he couldn't let go; even his relationship pursuits were him trying to find me in other people. Typical, I guess, for many break-ups. Long story short, he managed one relationship that failed (through no real direct fault of his own) and we got back together.
It takes a lot for me to swallow my logical pride and admit that he does actually feel like a 'soul mate,' and my value system used to be very closed to such ridiculous ideas. But all things considered we're drawn back to each other repeatedly, and I've never felt so connected to anyone despite all the numerous issues. It feels in some way like we've followed each other for millennia. It's not just one of those situations where you talk to someone and realize how much you click with interests either; we're very different people in our functioning lives and our external interactions have often been very awkward. The movie Mirrormask probably sums up everything about our relationship, with a few obvious differences. I was blown away by the similarities, even in the two main characters.
It's much healthier this time around. One problem: I have BIG ISSUES with loss in my past, and a moderate case of C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) from my natural sensitivity clashing with family deaths and emotional abuse. I'm alternately aggressive and flighty as a result. I have major self doubt issues and I'm generally a wreck emotionally, at least inside. This has been a problem for years, but I'm working through it slowly. His issues stem from his childhood emotional neglect and, well, being a natural ENFP, he's flighty, too. We have a constant situation between us where we're both afraid to lose each other for all of these reasons. Really, though, that seems to be the extent of it.
He's a mildly bipolar ENFP and I'm a traumatized INFJ. Our communication problems are not few. Tonight we argued. He told me he didn't understand me, that most of the things I say to him about our problems just go right over his head. He can "hug me," and tell me that he loves me, but that he just doesn't work like I do with talking things through or showing affection and support. I told him that because of our connection, I often mistake his unconscious depths for what will be consciously projected.
He is endlessly entertaining. I want to emphasize 'endlessly,' because there really isn't a break until he drops into his depression, where he becomes very quiet and withdrawn for a while. There isn't much of a chance to explore his depths, or to carry on a serious or profound conversation. There are times when he can flip a switch and become very mature and focused, his "seasoned psychotherapist" vs. "college humour comedian". Don't get me wrong, I love his bizarre, hyperactive attributes because they can bring me out of my shell. Too many will send me into hiding again, though. I often feel he's terribly insecure and hides under his jocular veil. He's very sensitive to criticism and whether I accept him or not. I can't really deeply reassure him that I do.
In the end, we have a lot of intense history together and I love him very much, cherish him to no end, and want to promote compatibility on the outside as well as the inside. I feel like the huge issues we've been through have taught me so much that I've changed like never before in my life. He, too, has grown from it. All things considered, that's quite the feat, especially for me. These are a few of the issues we face, and probably the biggest ones right now. I'm wondering if any of you can offer words of advice, or comforting back pats. Any insight is greatly appreciated.