[Jungian Cognitive Functions] Do INFPs Hold Grudges... Really bad ones?

[runvardh]

Do I remember the shit I've been through? Hell yeah. Have I engaged in activity to bring down someone who has hurt me? No, I have better things to do with my time, as much as it can still hurt. All of you have heard me rant about most of them though, even though most are years past.

 

[Biaxident]

...

 

[A window to the soul]

Just say no to grudges!



Well then, isn't this a nice happy chit chat on all that's good and lovely. looks like I'm just the hippy INFP here. Sorries that I love to love and hate to hate. **building a bonfire**

I don't look back at the bad stuff so I can brood over it and hold a grudge...and why would I? How rediculous. Then I'd be a fraud INFP and an emotional train wreck where I wouldn't be very useful in helping and caring about people.... which is our gift.

Sure, the past, present and the future are full of obstacles, but nothing we can't go beyond. Good will always wins if I have anything to do with it and I'll go down fighting if I have to. If it kills me, I still win because it was an honorable way to go. No grudge or any amount bad will defeat this INFP. I'm shocked at all my jaded counterparts here. Once an obstacle is a spec in my rear view mirror, I'm over it. Come on guys! What's going on? Did I miss the memo? Jeez, I'm always getting sidetracked.

 

[A window to the soul]

More threats. Is domination is a sign of strength?

I don't hold grudges, I don't hate. If someone holds a grudge that interferes with my life I might just reciprocate.

...yes! The first logical thing I think I heard in this discussion. INFP's please switch off the "stuff and fluff" for a moment and listen to the INTP... I find it's very rewarding to have some logical analysis to support my positive emotional conclusions. Thank you INTP!... I figured you'd agree since holding a grudge serves no practical purpose.

 

[ajblaise]

I know an INFP who was still griping about a minor spat he had with someone.... after they had died. I had to do a double take. Though I don't know if it was real animosity.

 

[scantilyclad]

I do not hold grudges, but I never forget about what someone has done to me, and that may occasionally make me feel like shit/withdraw, but I'm generally a very forgiving person. The longest i've held a grudge was like 2 days. I get over things quickly, I don't like for relationships to be in some sort of a conflict, so i resolve things fast.

 

[Seymour]

Definitely not a grudge holder. I sometimes marvel that people are willing to expend the energy to hold onto a really good grudge.

I can, once every few years, be very, icily angry at someone. This shocks my friends. In a few days my anger passes, though, and I can usually forgive (if not forget).

Otherwise, if I get hurt repeatedly by someone I tend to permanently withdraw. While I will be perfectly pleasant, I don't make myself vulnerable to that person again or share anything of personal importance.

 

[Liquid Swordz]

If I can speak for myself and only myself.


YES!

 

[A window to the soul]

If I can speak for myself and only myself.
YES!

That's the only way to speak sillies. Do you want my help in changing your mind about this? It's just not good for you to be all grudged up.
​

If it is what I think it is, you deserve whatever is coming.

Aww, be sweet T! Only a fellow INFP has the right to speak to another INFP that way. Didn't you read the unwritten book of INFP rules? Although I tend to agree that all this grudge talk is a waste of precious time. I'd much rather be sharing the love.
​

 

[A window to the soul]

You do know I'm holding back, don't you? Would you rather I didn't? What do you want? I can't make any promises but I can try.

Oh yes! I know you are holding back. I just stepped off the soap box if you've got the time.

Here ya go....

There's much to be learned from you. **listening**

 

[A window to the soul]

The truth can be uglier than any insult. I really don't want to do it. I'll just shout at the computer monitor for now.

You're no fun. I was serious. I respect INTP's. I feel like I've got lots of energy and clarity after I listen to one talk for awhile about all kinds of interesting stuff. I have a mind full of all sorts of questions about the world and the universe. INTP's always seem to have the answers I need to understand.

 

[A window to the soul]

So back to the question. What do you want?

Well, what do INTP's really think of INFP's? Do you like us? Are we as interesting as we think you are?

 

[Bubbles]

Well then, isn't this a nice happy chit chat on all that's good and lovely. looks like I'm just the hippy INFP here. Sorries that I love to love and hate to hate. **building a bonfire**

I don't look back at the bad stuff so I can brood over it and hold a grudge...and why would I? How rediculous. Then I'd be a fraud INFP and an emotional train wreck where I wouldn't be very useful in helping and caring about people.... which is our gift.

Sure, the past, present and the future are full of obstacles, but nothing we can't go beyond. Good will always wins if I have anything to do with it and I'll go down fighting if I have to. If it kills me, I still win because it was an honorable way to go. No grudge or any amount bad will defeat this INFP. I'm shocked at all my jaded counterparts here. Once an obstacle is a spec in my rear view mirror, I'm over it. Come on guys! What's going on? Did I miss the memo? Jeez, I'm always getting sidetracked.

Hey, beautiful INFP lady. I get what you're saying. I really really do.

But this is my weak point, this is my irrational side, and it's part of who I am. I wish I could say I never hold grudges? But lots of us INFPs do. Mostly because we're so trusting, and so willing to help others, that when we're treated badly it's a slap to the face.

It hurts, because we're not expecting it. We think everyone is as open to healing people and making life better as we are. And that blow to our idealism, and breach of trust, hurts. However long it hurts depends--I'm proud to say I've shortened that span for me--but it's definitely an Achilles's heel for many of us.

PS: Eww, logic is for NTs!

 

[A window to the soul]

If you want my respect you have to earn it back. There are plenty of people who don't respect you. They say much worse things and there's no chance of ever winning their respect unless you subscribe to their ideology. Do you give them this much of a hard time? Why not?

Understood. Fair enough. Some INFP's aren't representing us fairly. Making it harder on me to prove myself. I'm up for the challenge. Thank you for your honesty.

 

[fill]

If you want my respect you have to earn it back. There are plenty of people who don't respect you. They say much worse things and there's no chance of ever winning their respect unless you subscribe to their ideology. Do you give them this much of a hard time? Why not?

Oh, that's no fun. Do I have to spell this out for you? Have you ever subscribed to a magazine you never wanted in the first place? I usually cut out cool advertisements and combine letters to make silly words like, "thought." Why not re-send their magazine, after being completely defaced to the page's designers? Their heart might sink a little because you took their idea they thought was so great and made it look like shit. That's one part of my job anyways. Ask me about the others some time.

 

[file cabinet]

I don't hold grudges. I will instead find a way to rationalize the behavior of someone else and pretend that it's all okay somehow. consistent problems with another person would lead me to reduce or avoid contact, and forget them. I expend a lot of energy to reduce the perceived/actual stress I experience with conflicts... so, I wouldn't be able to sustain a grudge.

But this is my weak point, this is my irrational side, and it's part of who I am. I wish I could say I never hold grudges? But lots of us INFPs do. Mostly because we're so trusting, and so willing to help others, that when we're treated badly it's a slap to the face.

I realize there are different INFP variants.. and, for me, I don't place my trust in a lot of people and I'm not overly interested in helping other people.

 

[OrangeAppled]

But this is my weak point, this is my irrational side, and it's part of who I am. I wish I could say I never hold grudges? But lots of us INFPs do. Mostly because we're so trusting, and so willing to help others, that when we're treated badly it's a slap to the face.

It hurts, because we're not expecting it. We think everyone is as open to healing people and making life better as we are. And that blow to our idealism, and breach of trust, hurts. However long it hurts depends--I'm proud to say I've shortened that span for me--but it's definitely an Achilles's heel for many of us.

PS: Eww, logic is for NTs!

I don't think it's illogical. If someone betrays you deeply and/or wrongs you over and over without remorse, why should you restore the friendly feeling? I think most of us are drawing the line at prolonged anger and spite, but to totally forget and even embrace someone who has unrepentantly wronged you can be naive.

Now, it's different with cases where there's an attempt to make amends, and of course I'm not talking about petty things.

 

[Bubbles]

I don't hold grudges. I will instead find a way to rationalize the behavior of someone else and pretend that it's all okay somehow. consistent problems with another person would lead me to reduce or avoid contact, and forget them. I expend a lot of energy to reduce the perceived/actual stress I experience with conflicts... so, I wouldn't be able to sustain a grudge.



I realize there are different INFP variants.. and, for me, I don't place my trust in a lot of people and I'm not overly interested in helping other people.

Enneagram type would interest me.

Also, I was trying to answer and explain the mindset of the INFPs that perfectgirl said were not acting as INFPs should. That was my intention. Mostly by referencing this to make it understandable to her:

I don't look back at the bad stuff so I can brood over it and hold a grudge...and why would I? How rediculous. Then I'd be a fraud INFP and an emotional train wreck where I wouldn't be very useful in helping and caring about people.... which is our gift.

I was using it as a tool to explain. Sorry.

 

[BlackCat]

Enneagram type would interest me.

Also, I was trying to answer and explain the mindset of the INFPs that perfectgirl said were not acting as INFPs should. That was my intention.

There is no "should" in how a personality type should act. I wouldn't subscribe to that belief. Yes INFPs will hold grudges. It depends on how attached they get at who or what they hold the grudge. You can't help that either. (This wasn't an attack, I was just using this post to support my point)

This is mainly because an INFP's relief function is Si, as pointed out earlier in the thread. Si just naturally happens for them. They will remember and take to heart past offenses if Si takes it's toll. If they stay in this Fi Si mode and if they don't gather new information through Ne, the grudge will probably stick within them.

Well then, isn't this a nice happy chit chat on all that's good and lovely. looks like I'm just the hippy INFP here. Sorries that I love to love and hate to hate. **building a bonfire**

I don't look back at the bad stuff so I can brood over it and hold a grudge...and why would I? How rediculous. Then I'd be a fraud INFP and an emotional train wreck where I wouldn't be very useful in helping and caring about people.... which is our gift.

Sure, the past, present and the future are full of obstacles, but nothing we can't go beyond. Good will always wins if I have anything to do with it and I'll go down fighting if I have to. If it kills me, I still win because it was an honorable way to go. No grudge or any amount bad will defeat this INFP. I'm shocked at all my jaded counterparts here. Once an obstacle is a spec in my rear view mirror, I'm over it. Come on guys! What's going on? Did I miss the memo? Jeez, I'm always getting sidetracked.

ENFP? This post reeks of disvaluing Si. You like to leave behind the past and start new beginnings, this is pretty Ne. And you also seem to have a very Te attitude as something going on behind the scenes. It would be no wonder why you can't relate to how INFPs function like this.

 

[Biaxident]

There is no "should" in how a personality type should act. I wouldn't subscribe to that belief. Yes INFPs will hold grudges. It depends on how attached they get at who or what they hold the grudge. You can't help that either. (This wasn't an attack, I was just using this post to support my point)

Damn straight.

I get so f'in sick and tired, of hearing how INFPs are supposed to act.

I'm a human being. Not a list of freakin' prescribed behaviors for every situation, depending on my type.

At this very moment, I am holding a grudge against everyone who thinks INFPs are all cuddly, cry at the drop of a hat, Emo babies.