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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Not a need for connection as much as happiness doesn't feel true unless others are happy with you.
    Lets take this to a crash tackle hug. You do something or say something for someone that causes them to crash tackle hug you. Will the intensities be the same?

    Isnt feelings an internal thing? Isnt whats true happyness to the other person independent of your perception?
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Precisely. This is actually true of small infants as well. If they aren't mirrored by their parents, they tend to suffer in their attachment security.
    I am horrible at mirroring because it feels fake to me. Its not my feelings. I know my son is very attached to me and feels secure with me. He is a daddies boy big time. Sometimes I can mirror his intensity, but to be true to myself sometimes I cant and I just want him to be able to be happy on his own. I dont want my inability to keep up with his intensity to cause his feelings to change. I am happy he is happy.

    I posted somewhere in about laying on my jet ski watching my family enjoy themselves at the lake. I was wiped out, exhausted, but there happyness just made it all the better. I just layed there and watched them be happy. It was true happyness for me.

    It was introverted happyness.
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  3. #13
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    I am horrible at mirroring because it feels fake to me. Its not my feelings. I know my son is very attached to me and feels secure with me. He is a daddies boy big time. Sometimes I can mirror his intensity, but to be true to myself sometimes I cant and I just want him to be able to be happy on his own. I dont want my inability to keep up with his intensity to cause his feelings to change. I am happy he is happy.
    Most attachment studies with infants are done with their mothers, and the process of attachment is different with mothers and fathers. We all mirror to some degree. It's an unconscious process, but many people mirror much more and it's typically related to the capacity to empathize.

    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    I posted somewhere in about laying on my jet ski watching my family enjoy themselves at the lake. I was wiped out, exhausted, but there happyness just made it all the better. I just layed there and watched them be happy. It was true happyness for me.

    It was introverted happyness.
    Yea, I can relate to that too. That's so sweet.
    But I think it's going to be more common for those who are high on empathy themselves to want it reciprocated, to know that someone else is capable of feeling and reflecting their joy and their pain.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  4. #14
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    I wanted to hit on a specific portion of Fe and Fi in regards to something I noticed, not as a whole.

    With an Fi person, they can feel happyness inside and not need that feeling reciprocated externally. For example someone can do something for you that they doesnt cause the same level of excitement within them. That person can smile and be happy for you, maybe laugh out of amusement at how happy you are, etc.

    With an Fe person, you need someone to experience your happyness, to match your level of excitement, to jump up and down with you. If someone does something for an Fe person and they get all excited and the other person just smiles or is happy they are excited its discouraging that the other person doesnt meet that same level of excitement and bothers you that they just smile or laugh out of amusement because you are really excited.

    Thoughts, feelings?

    Please keep this on topic and do not turn it into a bash fest.
    I don't relate to this much; if I am happy, I don't expect people to match my same level of excitement. That doesn't even make much sense to me!!
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Most attachment studies with infants are done with their mothers, and the process of attachment is different with mothers and fathers. We all mirror to some degree. It's an unconscious process, but many people mirror much more and it's typically related to the capacity to empathize.


    Yea, I can relate to that too. That's so sweet.
    But I think it's going to be more common for those who are high on empathy themselves to want it reciprocated, to know that someone else is capable of feeling and reflecting their joy and their pain.
    I know with me empathy is more focused on the understanding side of things as opposed to the feelings side. Which made me wonder if it really is empathy. So I can reciprocate the understanding, but have trouble with the feeling side.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I don't relate to this much; if I am happy, I don't expect people to match my same level of excitement. That doesn't even make much sense to me!!
    Thanks, back to the drawing board, of course one side of me says that you sit more in NiTi, which is the same as me but backwards and wonders how that works into the equation.

    Also makes me curious because of the response from an ENTP who sits in NeFe.
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  6. #16
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I don't relate to this much; if I am happy, I don't expect people to match my same level of excitement. That doesn't even make much sense to me!!
    Fe - happiest when making others happy, or sharing in a meaningful emotional experience with another.

  7. #17
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Fe - happiest when making others happy, or sharing in a meaningful emotional experience with another.
    I don't disagree with this; however my point was more that I hold no expectations that people will match my level of excitement, as everyone has a unique personality, not everyone 'mirrors' or can even empathize with me, someone very well might be in a bad mood when I'm happy, so why would I then expect them to be able to match my level... I take these things into account. So this is why I didn't relate to the OP as it referred to Fe.

    Poki, I don't know that I'm a great example anyway; Fe-dom's would be more helpful. I'm pretty darn introverted as these things go, so I do think I often 'bypass' Fe and go straight to Ti; Fe just isn't a kneejerk reaction for me.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #18
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    It might not have to do with Fi or Fe. Some people are just more expressive, others less so.

    I am not expressive, and I don't care if others are.

  9. #19
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    Excitement is something I rarely express, so when I do, people around me usually get excited for me also. Especially the Fe people, because they like getting excited .

    I do notice they get crabby when they are excited and I fail to show what they consider the appropriate amount of excitement in return. I try and make a response sometimes, because I don't want to seem dismissive, but it feels unnatural. I'm like "oh, wow" in a really flat tone.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  10. #20
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    [YOUTUBE="S1ZZreXEqSY"]Excitement[/YOUTUBE]
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