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  1. #11
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    My INFJ friend doesn't have a low self image at all. He likes to wear nice clothes and cologne, just because it makes him feel good and he knows that he looks good. He knows that the world sucks, and doesn't take in all of the negativity, and when he does take in some of it it doesn't affect him too much. He's a pretty happy person.
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Negatively charged environments can make me feel sick. When I started graduate school the U I attended was especially negative and cut-throat at the time. I would watch grad students act friendly and then cut each other down when they left the room. There were professors actively undermining other professors and trash-talking students to get a present group of students to laugh and be impressed. When I see negativity and gossip between people I know that there is no difference whether or not it is directed at me. If they do this to me, they also do this to others. If I see them do this to others they will do it to me given motivation and opportunity. There is no dividing line between myself and others (even if external behavior differs). We are only separated by different experiences. They are me and I am potentially them had I experienced the same things. When I see suffering and cruelty I recognize I am not in a safe or superior place, but part of this humanity.
    I experienced this too. I found it intolerable and suffocating. I think that type of environment also affected my health. The sad part is that the distress the environment had caused led me to almost submit to it and become part of it. I did manage to pull away, however, and become myself again. Unfortunately, I think I've become permanently scarred from the experience.

  3. #13
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    The INFJs I know are all positive, happy people. Any type can be unhealthy so perhaps that's more the issue.

  4. #14
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by firstjudge View Post
    I experienced this too. I found it intolerable and suffocating. I think that type of environment also affected my health. The sad part is that the distress the environment had caused led me to almost submit to it and become part of it. I did manage to pull away, however, and become myself again. Unfortunately, I think I've become permanently scarred from the experience.
    It helped me to filter out the negative people and spend most of my time with the more positive ones.

    I guess it's difficult to explain my own sense of self-image. I don't consider it negative exactly, but it is not strongly ego-based. The self-worth I have tends to based on the intrinsic value of a human life, so that external set-backs of "failure" are less likely to impact me than most, but I am also not easily inflated by successes. The core of my self-worth is quiet, buried deeply, and stable, and not always apparent to others in terms of assertiveness and other typical social measures.

    Edit: Perhaps the question of the thread is not so much whether INFJs have a low self-image, but how the type forms a self-image in contrast to how another type might. External vs. internal validation, introversion vs. extroversion, empathy vs. detachment, and all these things can form different basis for how a sense of self is formed for various types.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
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  5. #15
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    This thread is still young, but it is interesting that so far every INFJ post has explored the issue in an open manner, and the non-INFJs who report knowing the type state that the "INFJ is happy and confident". Society dictates that people appear confident by what they wear, how they present themselves socially, how successful they are professionally. Many people respond to these requirements regardless of how they feel internally. On one level these are a measure of a person's self-worth, but the whole concept of self-identity is complex and I would venture to guess that there is not such a thing as someone completely without self-worth or completely without self-doubt. It is a complex issue when approached in an analytical, introspective way.

    What can be interesting for people in general (and possibly INFJ?) is that the external presentation of self can have little relationship to what is going on inside. When I was young and suffering from depression, no one had any idea. I smiled at everyone and was successful externally. I was up front performing art and taking leadership roles in school. In contrast, there are also times when I am deeply happy in life, but withdrawing in analysis, and people have asked me what is wrong.

    If I had to guess, I would say that on some level most people struggle in their formation of a sense of self. There is a healthy range that allows for both positive and negative concepts that need to be addressed. Society requires that we present only the positive, but it is also healthy to internally address the negative. It doesn't have to be powerful or scary to doubt oneself. It is one of the best chances a person has to grow.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #16
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    I think my friends would consider me very put-together, pretty balanced, calm, and affirming. I care about my appearance, I take care of myself physically, and I do really try to view things in a more optimistic light than negative one; I hate being cynical/pessimistic, so I choose to try not to be so. I love to laugh, and have fun, well, having fun...I think it's why I enjoy more Se-typical activities, as they get me out of my head and I feel more balanced. I tend not to dwell on my more negative thoughts when I'm talking to others, so they wouldn't necessarily see that side of me. I almost always try to put on a happy/chipper/upbeat face, although with those I'm super close to, I give myself permission to not bother doing that, sometimes.

    Sometimes I AM very optimistic, happy, and excited. It's not like I'm never like that; it's just not my 'base level'.

    But I've *always* struggled with self-esteem issues, my entire life, and I'm incredibly self-critical. I had severely low self-confidence while a teenager and it still comes and goes on occasion, although thankfully it's a lot better than it used to be. Also prone to depressive thoughts. As far as why I do this, I think I have an adverse personal reaction to thinking more highly of myself than is reasonable; so in my [perhaps failed] attempt to try to be objective, I give my more negative traits equal weight with my more positive ones; therefore I will never act as if I'm totally awesome, and exhibit huge amounts of confidence, because I don't think that's 'accurate' and I don't think it's true, as I have flaws as well. I dunno. I'm not saying this is a good way to view myself, I'm just trying to explain why I'm not brimming with confidence in myself.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  7. #17
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adoamros View Post
    the only INFJ I know has fairly good self-esteem for what I know him for. In fact he's kind of a self-righteous asshole at times. Maybe he's wearing an INTJ skin suit with his weiner tucked in?
    oh?
    How long have you been friends with peguy ?
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I think my friends would consider me very put-together, pretty balanced, calm, and affirming. I care about my appearance, I take care of myself physically, and I do really try to view things in a more optimistic light than negative one; I hate being cynical/pessimistic, so I choose to try not to be so. I love to laugh, and have fun, well, having fun...I think it's why I enjoy more Se-typical activities, as they get me out of my head and I feel more balanced. I tend not to dwell on my more negative thoughts when I'm talking to others, so they wouldn't necessarily see that side of me. I almost always try to put on a happy/chipper/upbeat face, although with those I'm super close to, I give myself permission to not bother doing that, sometimes.

    Sometimes I AM very optimistic, happy, and excited. It's not like I'm never like that; it's just not my 'base level'.

    But I've *always* struggled with self-esteem issues, my entire life, and I'm incredibly self-critical. I had severely low self-confidence while a teenager and it still comes and goes on occasion, although thankfully it's a lot better than it used to be. Also prone to depressive thoughts. As far as why I do this, I think I have an adverse personal reaction to thinking more highly of myself than is reasonable; so in my [perhaps failed] attempt to try to be objective, I give my more negative traits equal weight with my more positive ones; therefore I will never act as if I'm totally awesome, and exhibit huge amounts of confidence, because I don't think that's 'accurate' and I don't think it's true, as I have flaws as well. I dunno. I'm not saying this is a good way to view myself, I'm just trying to explain why I'm not brimming with confidence in myself.
    Ok, now this is very strange. I could have written all of this because it applies to me 100%.

    Yeeeaah, I have nothing more to add to this thread now. Thanks, cascadeco!
    Likes cm81 liked this post

  9. #19
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    Ok, now this is very strange. I could have written all of this because it applies to me 100%.

    Yeeeaah, I have nothing more to add to this thread now. Thanks, cascadeco!
    Glad I could be of assistance!
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  10. #20
    Senior Member vince's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    This thread is still young, but it is interesting that so far every INFJ post has explored the issue in an open manner, and the non-INFJs who report knowing the type state that the "INFJ is happy and confident". Society dictates that people appear confident by what they wear, how they present themselves socially, how successful they are professionally. Many people respond to these requirements regardless of how they feel internally.
    I fully agree with that.
    I've heard many times that I appear very confident, easygoing, happy, ... It's kind of shocking how my own image differs from the image other people have of me.

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