I would like to comment about this. It's not really a paradox, just something I noticed and I'm curious about.
Necessary disclaimer: I'm not trying to hurt any ENFP feelings, just get a little understanding.
I was reading one of FineLine's post, someone I think is very wise and knowledgeable, and he commented about how he and his INFP wife tend to the play the "wounded INFP" game on each other and this got me thinking.
I have noticed that all throughout the Hate an ENFP thread, (and this observation could be completely off base but I'm going to say it anyway) ENFPs seem to use the heart on the sleeve also as a bloody heart grenade that will be launched at people when the ENFP doesn't really want to recognize the consequences of their actions. Even right now, I'm hesitant to finish writing this post for fear it might set off dangerous ENFP broken heart spasms throughout the galaxy.
That thread is interesting to me because it seems that any genuine criticism that might be aimed at ENFPs was completely deflected and tempered by, "but you guys are so lovable that I can't really hold anything against you!" Could this possibly be a unique ENFP game? I'm not doubting the overall sincerity of the thread, it just seemed very weird to me. I mean honestly, the ENFPs have admitted to some behaviors that while aren't bad, do seem somewhat inconsiderate and capricious. Contrast the Hate an ENFP thread with any of the various Rants on NTs threads, or even the INTJ Intimidation thread. Maybe any Hate an NF thread would turn out like the Hate an ENFP thread. It seems to me that certain NFs cause stronger negative reactions than other NFs. I don't know.
This may be an ENFJ difference, but I really don't feel the need to be constantly checking my popularity barometer. It's not that I don't worry about it, but I use different methods to get the information I want. Could the ENFP Paradox possibly include a little guilt because the ENFP may know they're using their heart grenade against people, suspect other people know it as well but for fear of hurting the ENFP's feelings go resentfully along with it, hence causing the ENFP to doubt if they're really liked or not? I'm thinking that it wouldn't be that difficult for an ENFP to detect if they disliked or not.
Just some thoughts.