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[ENFP] enfp girls

INTP

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When you really want one, she doesent want you. When you dont want one, she wants you to go in the club with others and says you had some flirting going on when your leaving :huh:
(2 seperate cases)

discuss
 

Lady_X

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what exactly are we supposed to discuss? :/
 

INTP

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what exactly are we supposed to discuss? :/

about enfp girls acting these ways :D

is this something that others have noticed too?
 

Lady_X

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but...the 2nd girl in this scenario...are you saying she did want you? and are you saying it's because you didn't want her? all i know about that is...it can't be too easy :D
 

INTPness

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I've had a similar experience with an ENFP female. If someone likes her, she isn't interested. If someone is NOT into her, she develops feelings for them.

I have no explanation other than the old theory about being afraid of love. If someone wants to love you, you know that it has a chance to be real so you subconciously are not interested (because of the underlying fear). But, if someone isn't available, already involved, or just plain doesn't like you, then you make them the object of your affection because the love won't be "real". If you get involved with a married person, then it's real, but not exactly - it's kind of "fake" because you're just a side dish to them. So, if it doesn't work out then the person who is fearful can just say, "well, I knew it wouldn't work. He's married." I have also seen situations where a fearful person likes someone who does not like them, then suddenly the other person decides that they DO LIKE the person and then the fearful person is no longer interested. They liked them, liked them, liked them, then when it had "reality" potential, they suddenly find a flaw and don't like them anymore.

Not sure it's an ENFP thing (maybe it is since NF's tend to idealize people), but I would say it's more of a "I've been hurt a LOT in the past, and I'm not going to let it happen again" - a sort of subconcious defense mechanism.

That's the common theme I see in everyone I've known to do this - they've all been hurt or had their trust broken in a very bad way.
 

Thalassa

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what is totally horrific is that I relate to this...I don't like things to come too easy, so will seek friction or be attracted to someone less blatantly available...even in a LTR something has to keep it exciting
 

Lady_X

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hmm...i think it's from needing things to feel even...i don't want someone to like me more than i like them...i'd like to move at the same pace so..liking is good...but not obviously more than me...because then it would freak me out and i'd be afraid i'd hurt you...it's not really such the odd thing is it?
 

INTPness

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what is totally horrific is that I relate to this...I don't like things to come too easy, so will seek friction or be attracted to someone less blatantly available...even in a LTR something has to keep it exciting

Expand on the part in bold. That's the part that I often have a hard time understanding. It would seem to me (and I've been known to be wrong) that there's MUCH more too it than just "I don't like things to come too easy". Why exactly don't you like things to come easy? One would think that if the man of your dreams (or fantasies) actually fell into your lap, you would welcome it and want it to be as easy and friction-free as possible. What is it that makes a person turn away from a healthy, loving, mutually supportive, non-dramatic relationship? I wouldn't want to run away from that...I'd want to go towards it. Hope that it doesn't seem like I'm attacking you, just curious is all.
 

nomadic

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i dont think its just enfp girls. most girls are like this. as many times, so are guys.

its just that u notice it easier in enfp girls
 

Thalassa

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Expand on the part in bold. That's the part that I often have a hard time understanding. It would seem to me (and I've been known to be wrong) that there's MUCH more too it than just "I don't like things to come too easy". Why exactly don't you like things to come easy? One would think that if the man of your dreams (or fantasies) actually fell into your lap, you would welcome it and want it to be as easy and friction-free as possible. What is it that makes a person turn away from a healthy, loving, mutually supportive, non-dramatic relationship? I wouldn't want to run away from that...I'd want to go towards it. Hope that it doesn't seem like I'm attacking you, just curious is all.


Err...I like friction. It's that simple. It's not as clear cut with me that I only want what I can't have, and don't want what I can have though. Sure, I sometimes want what I can have, and if I can't have someone I will lose interest. I would like for the man of my dreams to fall in my lap. But the man of my dreams would probably argue with me. :D
 

Lady_X

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Expand on the part in bold. That's the part that I often have a hard time understanding. It would seem to me (and I've been known to be wrong) that there's MUCH more too it than just "I don't like things to come too easy". Why exactly don't you like things to come easy? One would think that if the man of your dreams (or fantasies) actually fell into your lap, you would welcome it and want it to be as easy and friction-free as possible. What is it that makes a person turn away from a healthy, loving, mutually supportive, non-dramatic relationship? I wouldn't want to run away from that...I'd want to go towards it. Hope that it doesn't seem like I'm attacking you, just curious is all.

yeah i don't know her reasons...but for me personally...i value growth a great deal and feel there's more chance of that happening with someone not afraid to speak their mind or disagree with you or to challenge you in some way...sometimes when people are completely gaga over you...they lose their independent free thinking minds...know what i mean?
 

Thalassa

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In fact, if I like a guy I am highly likely to argue with him. Ideally that would be with someone who could keep their cool, though. I had this really exciting, dramatic relationship with an ISFP, but ideally I should probably be with a T, so at least when we argue one of us can be rational.
 

INTPness

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Err...I like friction. It's that simple. It's not as clear cut with me that I only want what I can't have, and don't want what I can have though. Sure, I sometimes want what I can have, and if I can't have someone I will lose interest. I would like for the man of my dreams to fall in my lap. But the man of my dreams would probably argue with me. :D

LOL. OK, I can see that. I guess the woman of my dreams would be able to hold her own in a heated debate as well.

Still though, it's the strangest thing how that happens. I'll see someone like a person and have this supposedly "huge crush" on them for a long time and then the instant that person becomes available and interested and then they're like "I'm over it." :shock: So, apparently you didn't really like him? You were just playing house in your mind? It's like they need an object of their affection at all times that is unattainable. The "impossible man". Not that men don't do it too, but it just confuses me.
 

Charmed Justice

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I've always been more attracted to men who make me kinda work for their attention. If you give it to me too easily, there's no challenge. Also, it might send a message about how high the demand is for you. If you're really desired, then you might be more into the push-pull. If not, then you may be more ready to jump on whatever comes your way. I'm not saying that's actually what's true, just saying that that may be the way the situation is being perceived unconsciously. Men in high demand do the same thing. They push and pull.
 

INTPness

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yeah i don't know her reasons...but for me personally...i value growth a great deal and feel there's more chance of that happening with someone not afraid to speak their mind or disagree with you or to challenge you in some way...sometimes when people are completely gaga over you...they lose their independent free thinking minds...know what i mean?

I definitely have seen that too, so yeah, I know what you mean. But, I'm not talking about someone who is "gaga" over you. Just someone who you may have liked and then they simply become available and want to date you (not gaga yet) and then the person doesn't want anything to do with it. This is often the same person who enjoys flirting with married men or men that they know are taken. There is a theory laying around out there somewhere (I'd have to dig up the book) that says that people do these kinds of things precisely because they know it won't be/can't be "real" if the guy is married/taken or otherwise unavailable. There could be a perfectly fine available single man, but they aren't interested in that cuz it's too normal. They want a chase, they want that "push and pull", back and forth exercise.
 

Thalassa

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I definitely have seen that too, so yeah, I know what you mean. But, I'm not talking about someone who is "gaga" over you. Just someone who you may have liked and then they simply become available and want to date you (not gaga yet) and then the person doesn't want anything to do with it. This is often the same person who enjoys flirting with married men or men that they know are taken. There is a theory laying around out there somewhere (I'd have to dig up the book) that says that people do these kinds of things precisely because they know it won't be/can't be "real" if the guy is married/taken or otherwise unavailable. There could be a perfectly fine available single man, but they aren't interested in that cuz it's too normal. They want a chase, they want that "push and pull", back and forth exercise.

I don't want someone who is taken. I just don't want someone who will agree with everything I say. I agree with EnFpFer about the "push-pull" thing - it's about striking a balance in that.
 

SillySapienne

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If I like you, and I mean really like you, which is such a rare event, that in the off chance you reciprocate my feelings, hell yeah, I'll happily pursue and woo you and enjoy being pursued and wooed by you.

Real connection and chemistry is hard to find with someone else, so why pass it up for silly games?

The problem here, I think, is when we kinda, sorta like a guy, and then we may go into game-mode, but when and if we REALLY like you, we will loyally stick by you.

:)
 

Lady_X

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oh sure i know what ya mean and yeah i think you're right it must be out of fear for something real...something that they might actually become invested in and get hurt...the other is safe in their heads.
 

Charmed Justice

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There could be a perfectly fine available single man, but they aren't interested in that cuz it's too normal. They want a chase, they want that "push and pull", back and forth exercise.
But but...it's not ENFP women! Married Men Are a Better Catch, Ladies Believe - Study shows women choose married over bachelor in their pursuits - Softpedia

The problem here, I think, is when we kinda, sorta like a guy, and then we may go into game-mode, but when and if we REALLY like you, we will loyally stick by you.

:)
Well, Fi is always making evaluations and re-evalations, so I think getting to that place where we decide that we really trust someone is what can also make us appear ambivalent. Which we often are. But yea, once we decide how we feel, then it's settled. Until you start acting a fool.
 

INTPness

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I've always been more attracted to men who make me kinda work for their attention. If you give it to me too easily, there's no challenge. Also, it might send a message about how high the demand is for you. If you're really desired, then you might be more into the push-pull. If not, then you may be more ready to jump on whatever comes your way. I'm not saying that's actually what's true, just saying that that may be the way the situation is being perceived unconsciously. Men in high demand do the same thing. They push and pull.

Interesting. Strange thing about that though is this. I'm an "N". I get along (romantically speaking) with "N" women. So, most women I meet are "S", and I usually sense that we don't have much to talk about (long-term anyways), so I'm not too interested. When I find someone who is attractive and we have great conversation, then I usually find myself becoming interested. There's just not enough single "N" women out there to play "push and pull" games with just so that they'll think I'm "in high demand". I can see how what you say is probably true, so I can't deny it, it just feels like game playing. When I stumble across an attractive female who I can have great conversation with, I'm interested. I don't want to hold back or take extra time to prove that I'm highly sought after. Let's just get into the good conversation and see where it goes. I feel that I'm being honest and open by saying, "I'm interested." Doesn't mean let's get married tomorrow. Just means let's see where this goes.

From now on I'm playing Joe Cool. "Who me? I don't like you. Nah. Good luck with that :D."
 
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