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Thread: enfp girls

  1. #11
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Expand on the part in bold. That's the part that I often have a hard time understanding. It would seem to me (and I've been known to be wrong) that there's MUCH more too it than just "I don't like things to come too easy". Why exactly don't you like things to come easy? One would think that if the man of your dreams (or fantasies) actually fell into your lap, you would welcome it and want it to be as easy and friction-free as possible. What is it that makes a person turn away from a healthy, loving, mutually supportive, non-dramatic relationship? I wouldn't want to run away from that...I'd want to go towards it. Hope that it doesn't seem like I'm attacking you, just curious is all.
    yeah i don't know her reasons...but for me personally...i value growth a great deal and feel there's more chance of that happening with someone not afraid to speak their mind or disagree with you or to challenge you in some way...sometimes when people are completely gaga over you...they lose their independent free thinking minds...know what i mean?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #12
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    In fact, if I like a guy I am highly likely to argue with him. Ideally that would be with someone who could keep their cool, though. I had this really exciting, dramatic relationship with an ISFP, but ideally I should probably be with a T, so at least when we argue one of us can be rational.

  3. #13
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Err...I like friction. It's that simple. It's not as clear cut with me that I only want what I can't have, and don't want what I can have though. Sure, I sometimes want what I can have, and if I can't have someone I will lose interest. I would like for the man of my dreams to fall in my lap. But the man of my dreams would probably argue with me.
    LOL. OK, I can see that. I guess the woman of my dreams would be able to hold her own in a heated debate as well.

    Still though, it's the strangest thing how that happens. I'll see someone like a person and have this supposedly "huge crush" on them for a long time and then the instant that person becomes available and interested and then they're like "I'm over it." So, apparently you didn't really like him? You were just playing house in your mind? It's like they need an object of their affection at all times that is unattainable. The "impossible man". Not that men don't do it too, but it just confuses me.

  4. #14
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    I've always been more attracted to men who make me kinda work for their attention. If you give it to me too easily, there's no challenge. Also, it might send a message about how high the demand is for you. If you're really desired, then you might be more into the push-pull. If not, then you may be more ready to jump on whatever comes your way. I'm not saying that's actually what's true, just saying that that may be the way the situation is being perceived unconsciously. Men in high demand do the same thing. They push and pull.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yeah i don't know her reasons...but for me personally...i value growth a great deal and feel there's more chance of that happening with someone not afraid to speak their mind or disagree with you or to challenge you in some way...sometimes when people are completely gaga over you...they lose their independent free thinking minds...know what i mean?
    I definitely have seen that too, so yeah, I know what you mean. But, I'm not talking about someone who is "gaga" over you. Just someone who you may have liked and then they simply become available and want to date you (not gaga yet) and then the person doesn't want anything to do with it. This is often the same person who enjoys flirting with married men or men that they know are taken. There is a theory laying around out there somewhere (I'd have to dig up the book) that says that people do these kinds of things precisely because they know it won't be/can't be "real" if the guy is married/taken or otherwise unavailable. There could be a perfectly fine available single man, but they aren't interested in that cuz it's too normal. They want a chase, they want that "push and pull", back and forth exercise.

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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    I definitely have seen that too, so yeah, I know what you mean. But, I'm not talking about someone who is "gaga" over you. Just someone who you may have liked and then they simply become available and want to date you (not gaga yet) and then the person doesn't want anything to do with it. This is often the same person who enjoys flirting with married men or men that they know are taken. There is a theory laying around out there somewhere (I'd have to dig up the book) that says that people do these kinds of things precisely because they know it won't be/can't be "real" if the guy is married/taken or otherwise unavailable. There could be a perfectly fine available single man, but they aren't interested in that cuz it's too normal. They want a chase, they want that "push and pull", back and forth exercise.
    I don't want someone who is taken. I just don't want someone who will agree with everything I say. I agree with EnFpFer about the "push-pull" thing - it's about striking a balance in that.

  7. #17
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    If I like you, and I mean really like you, which is such a rare event, that in the off chance you reciprocate my feelings, hell yeah, I'll happily pursue and woo you and enjoy being pursued and wooed by you.

    Real connection and chemistry is hard to find with someone else, so why pass it up for silly games?

    The problem here, I think, is when we kinda, sorta like a guy, and then we may go into game-mode, but when and if we REALLY like you, we will loyally stick by you.

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  8. #18
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    oh sure i know what ya mean and yeah i think you're right it must be out of fear for something real...something that they might actually become invested in and get hurt...the other is safe in their heads.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #19
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    There could be a perfectly fine available single man, but they aren't interested in that cuz it's too normal. They want a chase, they want that "push and pull", back and forth exercise.
    But but...it's not ENFP women! Married Men Are a Better Catch, Ladies Believe - Study shows women choose married over bachelor in their pursuits - Softpedia

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    The problem here, I think, is when we kinda, sorta like a guy, and then we may go into game-mode, but when and if we REALLY like you, we will loyally stick by you.

    Well, Fi is always making evaluations and re-evalations, so I think getting to that place where we decide that we really trust someone is what can also make us appear ambivalent. Which we often are. But yea, once we decide how we feel, then it's settled. Until you start acting a fool.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  10. #20
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    I've always been more attracted to men who make me kinda work for their attention. If you give it to me too easily, there's no challenge. Also, it might send a message about how high the demand is for you. If you're really desired, then you might be more into the push-pull. If not, then you may be more ready to jump on whatever comes your way. I'm not saying that's actually what's true, just saying that that may be the way the situation is being perceived unconsciously. Men in high demand do the same thing. They push and pull.
    Interesting. Strange thing about that though is this. I'm an "N". I get along (romantically speaking) with "N" women. So, most women I meet are "S", and I usually sense that we don't have much to talk about (long-term anyways), so I'm not too interested. When I find someone who is attractive and we have great conversation, then I usually find myself becoming interested. There's just not enough single "N" women out there to play "push and pull" games with just so that they'll think I'm "in high demand". I can see how what you say is probably true, so I can't deny it, it just feels like game playing. When I stumble across an attractive female who I can have great conversation with, I'm interested. I don't want to hold back or take extra time to prove that I'm highly sought after. Let's just get into the good conversation and see where it goes. I feel that I'm being honest and open by saying, "I'm interested." Doesn't mean let's get married tomorrow. Just means let's see where this goes.

    From now on I'm playing Joe Cool. "Who me? I don't like you. Nah. Good luck with that ."

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