I can list a couple of my stress traits, which I'm sure are undesirable. Some of them could be unique to an INFJ, though.
-Impossible to console. You could shower me with roses, sit by me and hold my hand, get into my head and try your best to solve the problem - but I will continue to be upset and inable to find a solution. I'll also get very defensive for no good reason.
-Argumentative. I will start arguing every idea you throw at me in the most stubborn, borderline close minded way possible. This ties in with impossible to console.
-Withdrawl. Under a lot of stress, I tend to bolt out of the situation dropping everything and everyone involved. On a smaller scale, I will start breaking plans for no good reason.
-Overfocusing on details. For the most part, I'm not particularly detail oriented. However, when I'm under stress, I will focus on the most unimportant details and give them some sort of delusional meaning. It's awful. I'll also start getting overly symbolic and start finding some out there meaning in things that are insignificant.
-Overindulgence. I do this RARELY, but it probably has to do with the theory that a negative ESTP shadow comes out when an INFJ is under extreme stress. I am normally very careful with spending money (borderline cheap! haha), but I will go on a pointless shopping spree if I am under a lot of stress. I'm also a really controlled drinker - I'll have a few and get tipsy, but it's a rare day you see me lose control with it. Under extreme stress, I've over drank quite a bit on a couple occasions.
That's me when I am TOTALLY LAME. Sigh. (Except that I have never really done the overindulgence thing beyond impulsively buying boxed TV from time to time...)
"I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thanks for adding that. I kind of meant the same thing with how they want your support but then get upset when you want theirs. You articulated it much better.
and holy crap.
My ex-gf was enfj.
VERY VERY unhealthy to a point of suicidal. She would call me and txt msg me saying stuff like "i missss youuuu sooo much! ive been thinking about you all day. love you <3"
so I'd go see her to make sure she's doing alright. and then I called her the few days later to check up on her and talk to her she'd be like "omg what are you, my dad or something?" in the most bitchy tone possible.
it was incredibly frustrating to deal with at the time.
To a degree I think I've gotten pretty good at controlling my shadow side when I'm stressed, at least as far as when dealing with others is concerned.
My brother is one of those people that I can barely tolerate after I get home from work and he comes over to visit. It can take a lot of mental power to stop my self from telling him to screw off and leave me alone and for the most part I succeed. When I was younger it was a different story, fist fights between us were not uncommon. These days I just grind my teeth and answer him somewhat calmly hoping he'll go away soon.
My father is probably the main one I have issues dealing with. Him and my mom split when I was 4, growing up I rarely saw him beyond special dates such as birthdays or Christmas. Most of my childhood memories were of him taking us to his place for the weekend, then usually bringing us back that day or the next saying we were "uncontrollable brats." Now that I'm older and I actually work for him, I can generally get along with him, that is until he gets on my nerves in which case I usually snap before I get a chance to hold back. He's always been very critical on the choices I've made during my life, so I generally don't have much tolerance for any crap from him.. I'm workin on it tho.
With the rest of the world I generally just shut down and don't say or do anything.
Though I don't find this to be a negative attribute, I have been accused more than a few times of being, "too intense".
I am hypercritical of damn near everyone and everything, but lucky me, I am never, or rarely judgmental about it.
I analyze things to a flaw, at my best I am synthesizing beautiful ideas, at my worst, I am going nutty over what the difference between something and nothing is.
I am an extremist, an all-or-nothingist, and though some like to refer to it as being an "idealist", in actuality I suffer from being a latent perfectionist.
Delayed gratification??? I have no idea what that means, let alone how to live by it.
The world I perceive is highly dependent on the mood-infused, and circumstance laden lens I happen to be looking through at the moment. Life is either beautiful, or disgustingly perverse, entirely worth living, or a complete and utter waste.
I am my own worst enemy.
I rarely lose my temper, but if, and when I do, ring the alarm, for a wretched beast beyond most imaginable horrors shall be unleashed.
I am obsessed with how unfair everything seems to be. Everywhere I look I seem to find inequity, and that kills me inside..
OK, that's all I can think of for now, but I'll think of more...