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  1. #1
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    Default Overcoming shyness

    This has actually been an issue for years, but I thought now Id give it a try and start a thread. Im usually not that uncomfortable with being an I. But even this specific I needs to have at least some friends around and dates other than historical ones.
    I just have such a hard time making either (Oh self pity, thy name is me ).
    It has simpy reached a point where I decided that I must do anything about it and not lose any more time.
    The two major questions that crossed my mind today are:
    What is shyness actually, and how does it evolve?
    And most importantly: Is there actually a way to overcome it? Id be especially grateful for some practical advice here.
    Im sometimes concerned about how other people might perceive me. Chances are that most people know me for not knowing me and think that Im rather aloof and fairly intellectual (read: nerdy) - not that theres anything wrong with that; I guess I sort of cultivate this image a bit. But it tends to put people off. Im really not an unfriendly person, far from it - it's just that I rarely ever make the first move, in almost all of my social interactions. Especially in courting I think its fair to say that this its not what is expected of males. This is also where shyness is the biggest issue. Since chances are rather remote that this will change all of a sudden, I guess that I have to change instead. (And its not settled yet, but chances are also that I'm beginning to have a crush on someone right now )

    I know all of this may sound very non-descriptive for the time being, but I wanted to make this some sort of general thread. Inputs, especially from other male INFPs, would be highly welcome. But of course it's in the public NF forum, and that's where I meant it to be

  2. #2
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Yeah! It's always that "possible crush" that makes us hate our introversion. I also agree that the "aloof" image needs to go, but as a T...

    At least now I know Fs have this too, so somehow it's not as hopeless as it seemed....
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Default

    i think it has to do with how much you care about consequences ...like think of the worst that can happen and decide you can live with it...realize it's not quite the big deal...like look at an enfp who says ridiculous things all the time and people go like...wtf?! but?? who cares right?

    so just do you.. ya know...share your thoughts and opinions so people can get to know you.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Default

    I think shyness comes from a subconscious level, where you learn from a specific event that makes you associate that memory with something along with the lines of embarrassment, failure, identity (positive or negative).. It could also be fostered by your environment where 'shyness' seems to be cute.

    For some, whom are naturally shy, it's probably deep rooted in their personality.

    Anyway, if this is regarding your love life- no sweat. Some girls like the shy guys (I do). Be you. Strike up an innocent convo with the lady you like, and let it flow from there. Over thinking things can also cause shyness to worsen.. Imagine that you are talking to your buddy or something.. Replace the image of her with someone you associate with as a close friend/human being.. Really, because that's really all that person is. Human, just like anyone else. Crushes.. *sigh*

  5. #5
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    I am terribly shy, but most people don't know it. I've trained myself to appear fierce when it matters. I don't expect to ever get over my shyness, I think it's always been a part of who I am to some degree. I need to feel out a situation before I jump in. I need to evaluate the climate, and then I consider how to engage. In considering how to involve myself, I naturally think of all the things that could go right, or wrong. It's the "or wrong" that causes my shyness, so I guess it could be labeled as social anxiety. In any case, it's not a real problem for me so long as I keep my eyes on the prize.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  6. #6
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    When you realize how many people do feel shy, so many of them in fact, introverts and extroverts, it helps you 1.) to not feel so alone in that and 2.) to take the first step and just talk to someone.

    Chances are that they will appreciate and admire your confidence. I do think this is an area where "practice makes perfect" - in my early 20's I used to have to write down on paper what I wanted to say on the telephone to someone I felt nervous talking to, and now after years and years of growing and maturing, I could spontaneously talk your ears off if necessary.

    But just getting good at something doesn't make that initial discomfort completely vanish - I still do feel shyness regularly even in the present; I just decided in my mind that the benefit potentially outweighs the momentary discomfort. And if someone makes me feel regularly awkward, I know better now just to maintain a social politeness with them and seek out the people who fit me better for closeness.

    Good luck!

  7. #7
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    90% of life is just showing up
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    90% of life is just showing up
    QFT

  9. #9
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    90% of life is just showing up
    Yes but as they say in real estate: location, location, location.

    Actually, to put it more seriously, 90% of life is determined by where you just show up to...
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  10. #10
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    There are so many reasons why I dont say things, sometimes I just dont have anything to say, I dont want to be rude, what you said sounds good so I dont put in any more thought, etc. So what is the difference between quiet and shy? I would say I am more of a quiet person.

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