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  1. #1
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Default Protection. (I dunno how to title it)

    I've been talking to this girl for ages. She's connected somewhat slowly but I've managed to work her out. I know when she answers, it's not by words but rather with how her presence feels. It can feel as long sentences and sometimes nothing but a notion.

    Now, I am tired of her will to stay anonymous. She's destroying the very people she loves and I can't stand to see that happening. Especially since my best friend is involved.

    Now; I've chosen to approach her in a very poisonous way and hope that she might just lash out on me or whatever. I know that it is the wrong way to go about things but I really have tried every other approach known to me. I did manage to settle one thing, in one way but it didn't even scratch the core of what we spoke about. She's in a hiding and it drives me nuts.

    My best friend wishes to protect her from me. I cause her pain. I cause her pain so that she may reveal what she finds is faulty in our everyday lives. She just choose to shut the doors. (I do understand why, she has told me that it is so she can choose her own battles and make sure she knows the script)
    What I do is somewhat like forcing another to participate. It is a bad thing to do. I'm just out of options, I live here and both their actions are killing me.

    So, my question is; Why does someone protect someone else even though the statements made are based upon something tangible? The protector knows this and still finds it in his heart to protect (though has chosen not to do so openly after viewing the point) her.

    How does this work?

    (I bet there'll be spin-offs due to my approach)
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  2. #2
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    I think, if I read you correctly, then the word you are looking for is ‘enabling’. The way in which you speak is very murky to me. I would have to know a little more about the situation to know exactly what type of behavior he is enabling before giving a real answer, and I might even have to know a little bit about the two.

    Is she into drugs? This is just a guess; your sentences allude to something dark like that.

    If your friend is enabling her then he probably will only do it until he feels like she is a hopeless case. There is only so long that someone will put up with behavior before they realize it’s a waste of their time.

    He probably honestly feels that she will improve, and she may (That all depends on her, if she can pull herself together before self destruction). But if she doesn’t then he might give up on her. At which point in time she will have to learn how to fend on her own...

  3. #3
    Senior Member Keps Mnemnosyne's Avatar
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    I'll let someone else do the spin-offs to reprimand you.

    To your question, if the protector does not think that your negative actions will have a long term positive impact then the protector protects, despite knowing that the situation is still negative. Hopefully this answers your question...if not could you clarify your question?
    Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it.

    Peach yogurt is made of love. And gnome kidneys. - Domino

    I can cope and will cope without polluting my lungs. - Saslou

  4. #4
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Could you give us some more details?

    I would 'protect' someone I love even when they are offered outside help if I really believe they are not ready and that the said help would be more harmful in the long run. If she said she had to deal with it herself first, your best friend might respect that wish and tries to 'protect' her from everything to give her time to work out the issue.

  5. #5
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    I think, if I read you correctly, then the word you are looking for is ‘enabling’. The way in which you speak is very murky to me. I would have to know a little more about the situation to know exactly what type of behavior he is enabling before giving a real answer, and I might even have to know a little bit about the two.

    Is she into drugs? This is just a guess; your sentences allude to something dark like that.
    Whatever drugs she is taking at occasion is not the problem. I don't mind some weed smoked once every month or something similiar.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Could you give us some more details?

    I would 'protect' someone I love even when they are offered outside help if I really believe they are not ready and that the said help would be more harmful in the long run. If she said she had to deal with it herself first, your best friend might respect that wish and tries to 'protect' her from everything to give her time to work out the issue.
    If she'd say that to me or to him, I would also respect that and wait. She just doesn't speak.


    The guy loves her but has reached a point where in he doesn't wish to try to speak to her about things that matters anymore. The girl definitely loves him but doesn't get enough attention from him through recreational ways and bends to the destructive nature she* carries instead. She's only able to get true passion from him during sex or whenever he turns vengeful and is filled with rage. He offers the reason for his behaviour that he has tried to speak to her many, many times and still won't get an answer. She doesn't reply to this.
    So far, she only ever replies fully and in concious mind towards me when we speak; Which I find is odd and very tedious.
    I decided to speak my mind over matters, as it's gone so far that they either fight or have sex. It helped, a bit and only helped just so much until we came to a point where neither would step back and say "I am sorry" even though at least one of them saw that there was valid ground to do so.
    After this little conversation, things ran somewhat more smooth around the edges but the habit of not speaking to one another remained. What also stayed was the intentional "conflicts" that she create to gain attention. Both are scared by conflict, the guy having problems saying no and compromise way over his head at times; the girl changes topic whenever her response may or may not be "adequate" for a lack of better word. According to her own statement she won't handle conflicts she does not know out of fear and how incredibly straining** it is. She either complies or fights by the off chance that it will be forgotten and/or avoided. He is a very talkative guy and I am constantly wondering how I can manage to be around him for so long. She prefers... I dunno. A wild guess is that she choose not to speak many times out of fear for conflicts/"being odd"/being misunderstood.

    So the type of behavior he is enabling, is the "won't speak a word, go to another room, cry for 25 min, make the enabler feel unhappy, guilty and helpless, just to come out with a smirk on her mouth looking as if it was all meant to be just to make fun of him. And when he asks about why she looks as if she tried to hurt him, she's either very sarcastical and speak of him as a dumbass or she changes topic or she just smiles and very faked says "Why would I do that?" in a theatrical voice and/or starts to laugh." and all that while it's very obvious that she just wish to hold onto the conversation for as long as possible to gain attention and eyecontact from her lover; which he doesn't give much of anymore, sadly.

    This has been going on for about 3 months now.

    She doesn't want people to dislike her. I don't dislike her, yet and so I gave her an ultimatum. Instead of running away at every sight of a conflict, she'd stand ground and try to speak of what made her feel bad and perhaps gain something out of it instead of just running; and that she must pull down on the intentional conflicts that does neither of them any good; in return, I won't change my mind about her and start to dislike her, with every intention of spending as little time as possible around her.


    I hope this was clarifying. I tend to jump to conclusions that everyone understands everything.

    *I think everyone has a way of being destructive, so I'm not pointing fingers at her.
    ** Tiresome, ineffective, slow, having to Deal with anything.
    Reason it being murky was out of respect towards the couple, not trying to place all their troubles onto the internet.
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  6. #6
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Gtzk your initial post is very cryptic. I can't understand what the root issue is. What exactly is the problem. You seem to be talking in riddles. What I get is that there is a man and woman having problems. She is cold, manipulative. He is emotional. You are getting between the two and trying to anger her in order for her to "see" her wicked ways?

    I don't know.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  7. #7
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Gtzk your initial post is very cryptic. I can't understand what the root issue is. What exactly is the problem. You seem to be talking in riddles. What I get is that there is a man and woman having problems. She is cold, manipulative. He is emotional. You are getting between the two and trying to anger her in order for her to "see" her wicked ways?

    I don't know.

    Yeah. I don't understand why he is involved to begin with.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #8
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    I accept with information: The guy loves her but has reached a point where in he doesn't wish to try to speak to her about things that matters anymore. The girl definitely loves him but doesn't get enough attention from him through recreational ways and bends to the destructive nature she* carries instead. She's only able to get true passion from him during sex or whenever he turns vengeful and is filled with rage. He offers the reason for his behaviour that he has tried to speak to her many, many times and still won't get an answer.

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