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  1. #1
    Member 4375's Avatar
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    Default Do's and Don'ts of dating and NF

    I am dating a INFJ. I am starting to really understand her. I would like to talk to NF's to get their advice on what the do's and don't of relationships with NF's.

    The discussion doesn't have to be specifially about my situation. Just NF's in general male or female. That way everyone can input and everyone can gain from an NF's advice.
    I am male. Don't hold it against me.

  2. #2
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4375 View Post
    I am starting to really understand her.
    Ha! Gotcha.
    Seriously: Speaking as an INFP, I don't like being labelled. At all. "I don't understand you" can sometimes be actually sort of a compliment (but tread carefully here, it's always dependant on the situation. Don't use in in the middle of an argument ). Sometimes I just like to feign complexity I don't know how INFJs are in that respect.

  3. #3
    Member 4375's Avatar
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    I like labels......makes life more structured......but seriously........

    People are still unpredictable and can never be contained within a set of specific guidelines. Still there is some merrit to the personality descriptions.
    I am male. Don't hold it against me.

  4. #4
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Can't speak for anyone but myself, but these are things that come to my mind. I need:

    *Acceptance
    *Space
    *Time to think out important decisions and weigh my options
    *Understanding
    *Honesty, but diplomacy.
    *To be valued and seen as a unique individual, appreciated for the specific things that I bring to the table(or not)
    *To be taken seriously when I'm being serious.
    *To laugh a lot

    Don't be:

    *Controlling.
    *Demanding
    *Insensitive and overly brutish. We know how to hit below the belt too, and we will when provoked too many times. Don't be fooled. When we ask you to stop being hurtful, and outline what that means(cause we will), pay close attention and make an effort to communicate differently.
    *A liar. Personally, I can accept imperfections and even "mistakes", but being intentionally lied to burns me to my core.
    *Possessive
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  5. #5
    Member 4375's Avatar
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    Default

    Thanks for your honesty and input. I have totally seen the importance of space, understanding and giving time to make important decisions. It makes sense. It is all about respect.
    I am male. Don't hold it against me.

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Love your types strength, determination, lack of indecision, your take charge no nonsense attitude. It feels safe, protective...as long as you aim it at the outside world! Turn it on me and it better be dosed with tenderness, respect, kindness and not with you taking me for granted or treating me like a pawn. I personally love it when a guy with that kinda mindset then turns to me and lets go. Realizes that with me, he gets a break from all that stuff, there is no real need for him to be controlling as everything is fine the way it is. That I'm trying to provide safe haven for him, when it's just the to of us, so he can relax. And that he appreciates that. That he appreciates who I am, doesn't freak at my crazy quirks, but trusts, that my method though not as efficient as his, will yield results, and potentially is more suited for interpersonal situations, for his pleasure, for that matter. Someone who knows better than to treat me like a porcelain doll but will keep me safe nonetheless, without treating me like child, not taking me seriously. On the contrary, I expect you to take into account what I say. So don't lie to me to protect me, and don't keep me out of the loop. We're a team. Appreciate me for who I am and balance out my flaws. I'll do the same for you.

    Hope this helps
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  7. #7
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    Maybe you should have a look at the "How easy is it to hurt an INFJ guy's feelings?" thread. I think an important point is the whole intentionality complex. It has been explained pretty well and doesn't need repeating. Just to sum it up: For an INFJ, your intentions are possibly more important than your actions. The real fighting starts only when your s.o. has the feeling that you did something for the sole purpose of hurting her. Keep in mind thing: Sincere apologies can mean a lot. And I think that most INFJs aren't known for being unforgiving. They don't see it as a sign of weakness.

    Quote Originally Posted by 4375 View Post
    It is all about respect.
    Spot on. Again, INFPs might be a bit different, but one thing I can absolutely not stand is ridicule - both targeted at other people, but especially at me, and even doing it in good humour might sometimes make me kinda edgy. Don't even think of it, even in the middle of an argument (not that I think you're prone to this, just wanted to give you a heads-up )
    It's one of the things I can forgive, but won't forget. Do it too often and I will withdraw without telling you.
    Hope that helps.

  8. #8
    Member 4375's Avatar
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    Thanks. I find it all interesting. Some I already know but it is good to have things confirmed.
    I am male. Don't hold it against me.

  9. #9
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Dont take her feelings for granted, and make sure you take the time to say AND show appreciation for her feelings and her intuition. By that I mean don't just bulldoze over her opinion which she might hold back a bit because she wants you to be happy. INFJs can be sort of self sacrificing, but not in a good way always.

  10. #10
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4375 View Post
    I am dating a INFJ. I am starting to really understand her. I would like to talk to NF's to get their advice on what the do's and don't of relationships with NF's.
    Apparently, some INFJs don't like it in the butt.
    But you have to talk to the original source as for exact reasons why.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

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