[NF] Do's and Don'ts of dating and NF

[sunshinEnfp]

Jumping on the ENFP bandwagon, I would say:

Be honest. Be genuine. Don't say things just to make me feel better... don't give false compliments or try to be nice to me (without REALLY meaning it).

Also: I agree with not assuming you know what I think. You may... but you may not. So don't assume.

 

[kiddykat]

DO:
#1. Be yourself. I can spot bullshitters/pretenders from a mile away. (If that means you're shy/nerdy- I find that more sexy than a player wannabe). Bonus- speaks volumes for confidence.

2. Engage in dialogue, and be ready for me to psychoanalyze you.

3. Enjoy good laughs/fun. Keep it simple, light-hearted. Just be real.

4. Smile. I love guys who smile.

5. Treat others with respect. I watch like a hawk.

Basically- for me- a guy who knows how to treat others right, who have kind hearts go waay far with me. Those are the types of guys I give my time to.

 

[Qre:us]

Do be loving.
Don't be mean.

 

[Scott N Denver]

^ Indeed, I feel you there. I think people get annoyed, consider me not so genuine, etc. but the reality is I'm ever curious about people, especially people that are potentially going to be my friend or in my life.

So I guess to tie this into the thread Don't date an ENFP if you don't want to be forced to answer a million 'personal' questions.

Oh. And I have absolutely no sense of what is 'personal' or not. You have to provide that information.

So true. I just tend to do it when I'm first getting to know someone. I go into journalist/excavationist mode, but it tappers off once I'm clear on who or what I'm dealing with.

I do shy away from deeply personal issues, unless someone has brought my personal life into the conversation. At that point, most everything is game. But I can tell when someone is getting uncomfortable, and I'll drop highly sensitive subjects that seem to make people squirm. I don't like people to dig up painful things from their past at my asking, unless, they've specifically sought me out to unload for whatever reason.

Maybe the million questions is an NFP thing, I definitely do it too.

 

[Scott N Denver]

Do be loving.
Don't be mean.

Yes, this goes pretty far too.
That was SOOOOO Fi I_FP!!!

 

[Charmed Justice]

Maybe the million questions is an NFP thing, I definitely do it too.

Do you feel like you know the answers before you ask the questions, or are you asking to verify what you're pretty sure you already know in the first place?

Do be loving.
Don't be mean.

 

[Scott N Denver]

Do you feel like you know the answers before you ask the questions, or are you asking to verify what you're pretty sure you already know in the first place?

I'm probing to learn more about what is beneath the surface. I tend to ask open big-picture questions, or ones that require filling in the details. They usually aren't small nitpicky questions unless I am trying to clarify confusion. "So where did you grow up", "what brought you to Colorado" "what do you think of your degree program here at [school]" "whats the coolest thing you've ever done" "what do you think about___" stuff like that.

Are you a big swami sivananda fan???

 

[Charmed Justice]

I'm probing to learn more about what is beneath the surface. I tend to ask open big-picture questions, or ones that require filling in the details. They usually aren't small nitpicky questions unless I am trying to clarify confusion. "So where did you grow up", "what brought you to Colorado" "what do you think of your degree program here at [school]" "whats the coolest thing you've ever done" "what do you think about___" stuff like that.

That's pretty much my style too.

Are you a big swami sivananda fan???

I love him! So inspirational.

 

[4375]

That is one thing that kinda drive me nuts. I sometimes feel like I am under the microscope with my NF. I hate being psychoanalyzed. I am who I am. There is no secret to how I think. I think I am pretty transparent.

Overall I really appreciate her. I can handle a few annoying traits. Really though the annoying stuff is minimal. I do like her honesty and genuineness.

 

[BlueScreen]

I always thought the be nice to waiters and staff at places was an important one. Seems to get people a long way with me in terms of respect. I think I'd feel uncomfortable dating someone who saw them as below them.

On the questions thing. I think a lot of the time the content is only part of it. It is more to engage so you can read all the other stuff between the lines. And get how they think and what they love.

 

[BlueScreen]

That is one thing that kinda drive me nuts. I sometimes feel like I am under the microscope with my NF. I hate being psychoanalyzed. I am who I am. There is no secret to how I think. I think I am pretty transparent.

Overall I really appreciate her. I can handle a few annoying traits. Really though the annoying stuff is minimal. I do like her honesty and genuineness.

Not sure. I'm pretty non-judgemental on most things. Psychoanalysis is just part of the way we relate. Gives better understanding in future situations and stuff. Ideally it is just so we have an understanding of how to interact best.

 

[4375]

hmmm...Never thought about it that way. With my girl she finds it hard to communicate. I think that has more to do with being introverted than NF. Se is very cautious. That probably also has more to do with past relationships, which I won't discuss out of respect to her. She seems apprehensive to discuss anything too intense.

I don't want it to sound like I am complaining about her, cause I am not. She is really a great girl. I feel like I am understanding her more, but there is a lot I don't yet understand.

 

[BlueScreen]

hmmm...Never thought about it that way. With my girl she finds it hard to communicate. I think that has more to do with being introverted than NF. Se is very cautious. That probably also has more to do with past relationships, which I won't discuss out of respect to her. She seems apprehensive to discuss anything too intense.

I don't want it to sound like I am complaining about her, cause I am not. She is really a great girl. I feel like I am understanding her more, but there is a lot I don't yet understand.

Yeh, it will depend on type. What I said is why I do it as an ENFP. But different NFs have quite different needs.

I quoted these from personality page in my blog a while ago. You can only apply them loosely, but it gives a start in seeing where each NF is going and why.

ENFP: An ENFP’s feeling of success depends upon the availability of opportunities to grow their understanding of the world, upon feeling that they’re living true to their personal value system, and upon the condition of their closest relationships.
INFP: For the INFP, personal success depends upon the condition of their closest relationships, the development of their creative abilities, and the continual support of humanity by serving people in need, fighting against injustice, or in some other way working to make the world a better place to be.
INFJ: An INFJ's feeling of success is centered around their own level of understanding and accomplishment, their usefulness or service to others, and the condition of their personal relationships.
ENFJ: Success for an ENFJ comes through involvement in the process of making things happen for people; through the accomplishments and satisfactions of those they have helped to enrich the human world with greater value, and through finding that their efforts on behalf of others have fulfilled their own life as well.

 

[Domino]

Nice to meet you, 4375

As others have stated, lying and dismissing my feelings are the worst.

 

[4375]

Nice to meet you, 4375

Thanks. Nice to meet you too.

 

[SUPER]

try not to pick fights or arguments... stuff us NTs will get over in mere seconds... will be held onto by the NF for quite some time

 

[bighairything]

I always thought the be nice to waiters and staff at places was an important one. Seems to get people a long way with me in terms of respect. I think I'd feel uncomfortable dating someone who saw them as below them.

^ +1,000

 

[Parrish]

^^
on a related note, a no-no in my book are people who behave badly towards animals. Or those who think that I am a thing they (want to) possess.

 

[Sarcasticus]

try not to pick fights or arguments... stuff us NTs will get over in mere seconds... will be held onto by the NF for quite some time

This.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Just try not to offend their delicate sensibilities.