Forgive me for seeing and loving ideals in people and not the people themselves...
I am seeing in some posts that people who have been loved and admired by NFs have come to realize they weren't loved for who and what they were but for the ideals NFs thought they had found in them.
I am guilty and repentant.
I don't want to justify myself and have no interest in doing so, but if you are interested in knowing what this is all about...
I don't know if all NFs feel the same about this, so I'll use the I instead of we.
I am very sensitive about evil within myself (and a Christian on the top of that, so I have very clear convictions about sin). I aspire to holiness and goodness and always seeking to better myself so I can be truly helpful and truthful in my work and relationships. When I meet people who appear to have reached a certain level of holiness or simplicity, or humility that I clearly haven't reached, I become VERY admirative and respectful of them. I want to learn from them and will try to spend as much time as I can watching them and speaking with them. I do love them as people, but when I begin finding faults in them as well as goodness, I feel very disappointed, and I start thinking I have to find another role model.
I've had great inner struggles about this, and in his patience and mercy, God has taught me to be gracious and to love these people as they were with their qualities and weaknesses, as he loves us (sorry atheists, laugh at me if you will).
What happens here, is that my love for them has been so intense at the time I admired them as ideal human beings, that I can't help loving them still and will start being more objective in appreciating them for who they are. This is where true love begins, and I know it.
But then again, if any of you have ever been loved and admired by an NF in this idealistic way, this is great honour. The Idealist is seeing something wonderful and universal in you. I can't speak for other NFs, but it isn't just the ideals I love in you, I love you as a human being as well, and hope I will be better at this as I grow in maturity.
A question to fellow Idealists: is it possible to stop this stupid idealization process? Or idealization is actually seeing people as diamonds in the rough, seeing them as they would be if they had reached their full potential?