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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Default How easy is it to hurt an INFJ guy's feelings?

    I like INFJs and would love a male INFJ companion, but I'm worried that I would hurt his feelings all the time because of my T-ness, and he wouldn't be happy in the relationship... either that or he would smother me and I would end up walking around on eggshells trying not to offend him.

    Should I steer clear of INFJ guys, or do you think an INFJ male in his 50's could handle the abruptness of an INTJ... namely... me?

  2. #2
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    More than likely yes, but it's going to depend more on how that particular person has lived and been raised then by the fact that he's and INFJ. I'm and ENFP and have an INTJ for a best friend and I'll admit that they have hurt my feelings a time or two but amazingly enough the T helps to balance us Fs out quite well, in my experience.
    "If A is a success in life then X+Y+Z=A. X is work, Y is play and Z is keeping your mouth shut." -Albert Einstein

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    i think it would depend on if he's healthy or not. I would think by 50 he should be able to be ok with insensitivity as long as you weren't too insensitive but I've known an unhealthy ixfj and even for me walking on egg shells was exhausting. of course with most people I say what comes into my mind and most people go why would you say that and I'm like because it's the truth or that's rude and i'm like well i didn't mean it in a malicious way. I tend be too honest for my own good at times.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #4
    Member MmmCrazy's Avatar
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    It's going to take a lot of love on your part (which will be returned a thousandfold!) and developing a sense of empathy for your partner when you do hurt his feelings. Just be very patient and loving with him and he'll appreciate it very much.

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    Oh I agree with you prplchknz, I have been known to be evtremely blunt but hey... I always figure it's helpful... maybe not huh?
    "If A is a success in life then X+Y+Z=A. X is work, Y is play and Z is keeping your mouth shut." -Albert Einstein

  6. #6
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    I could see lots of potential for a great relationship there, especially since female INTJs and male INTJs tend to be typically more well-rounded than their opposite sex, same type counterparts.

    I'm married to an INTJ, and I actually rarely get my feelings hurt by him. He drives me bananas on occasion, but he rarely hurts my feelings. A display of willingness to learn/understand how he'd like to be treated goes a long way, and you'll likely find that if you do that, he'll be likely to assume positive intent on your part. INFJs actually appreciate reason a great deal, as well as (appropriately timed) honest input.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    I could see lots of potential for a great relationship there, especially since female INTJs and male INTJs tend to be typically more well-rounded than their opposite sex, same type counterparts.

    I'm married to an INTJ, and I actually rarely get my feelings hurt by him. He drives me bananas on occasion, but he rarely hurts my feelings. A display of willingness to learn/understand how he'd like to be treated goes a long way, and you'll likely find that if you do that, he'll be likely to assume positive intent on your part. INFJs actually appreciate reason a great deal, as well as (appropriately timed) honest input.
    Thanks.
    You give me hope.
    I was afraid I was going to have to be stuck with an INTP or INTJ...
    and I don't really think I could bear either one long-term.

    I've met a couple of female INFJs recently, and I really like them a lot.
    I'm not sure I know any INFJ men though.

    The ISTxs in my life don't seem to respect me because all they see is my lack of what they call "common sense". And I don't care care to finish out the rest of my life being disrespected. I'm not doing another 25 years of that. I'd rather be alone.

  8. #8
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MmmCrazy View Post
    It's going to take a lot of love on your part (which will be returned a thousandfold!) and developing a sense of empathy for your partner when you do hurt his feelings. Just be very patient and loving with him and he'll appreciate it very much.
    Thank you.
    You make me wish I knew one.

    Also, your avatar makes me want to get a yellow-dog.

  9. #9
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I like INFJs and would love a male INFJ companion, but I'm worried that I would hurt his feelings all the time because of my T-ness, and he wouldn't be happy in the relationship... either that or he would smother me and I would end up walking around on eggshells trying not to offend him.

    Should I steer clear of INFJ guys, or do you think an INFJ male in his 50's could handle the abruptness of an INTJ... namely... me?
    I don't think you should be concerned about this at all!

    I don't believe I get my feelings hurt easily, and I would imagine (maybe wrongly?) that a male INFJ, given gender expectations/roles, would have built up that much more of a thicker skin over the years. Anyway, the male INFJ I know...you'd never guess he was INFJ. He comes across as rather crusty and quite cynical - rough around the edges but also really sensitive and good with people. Dark/sarcastic sense of humor.

    I think INFJ's are pretty good about taking other peoples' dispositions into account. So they're able to know when someone isn't intentionally being hurtful, or won't take particularly blunt language badly, because they tie it to the person himself and what they know about him. It's all about intentions, and even if his feelings would be hurt at some point, all it would take would be an explanation/clarification of what you were really intending or trying to say, and then it would all be good. In my opinion.

    Anyway, I've never had issues with NTP's or NTJ's as friends.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  10. #10
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I don't think you should be concerned about this at all!

    I don't believe I get my feelings hurt easily, and I would imagine (maybe wrongly?) that a male INFJ, given gender expectations/roles, would have built up that much more of a thicker skin over the years. Anyway, the male INFJ I know...you'd never guess he was INFJ. He comes across as rather crusty and quite cynical - rough around the edges but also really sensitive and good with people. Dark/sarcastic sense of humor.

    I think INFJ's are pretty good about taking other peoples' dispositions into account. So they're able to know when someone isn't intentionally being hurtful, or won't take particularly blunt language badly, because they tie it to the person himself and what they know about him. It's all about intentions, and even if his feelings would be hurt at some point, all it would take would be an explanation/clarification of what you were really intending or trying to say, and then it would all be good. In my opinion.

    Anyway, I've never had issues with NTP's or NTJ's as friends.
    Thank you.
    That is quite encouraging.

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