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  1. #11
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    It's very easy to hurt an INFJ if you try to hurt their feelings, but very hard if you're trying to be nice (even if you're very emotionally clumsy). Intent is a big deal, especially when INFJs are dealing with INTJs, because we can sense it. You guys are more transparent (at least to INFJs) than you think, believe me.

    It's not so much whether you're blunt, so much as why you're blunt that matters to INFJs. If it's for their own good, they'll appreciate it, and if it's just because you disagree with them and want to be right, then they won't so much.

    But wait... I thought you were already married and everything! What happened?

  2. #12
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    my s.o. is an intj female. she's a 6w7 sp/so so she's a bit sunnier in disposition than some intjs. she is great at recognizing problems, altho she is terrible at predicting emotional responses. so she is sometimes very cautious. more direct communication than is sometimes immediately comfortable eases all concerns so far.

    we predict and structure our communications based on the other person's emotional mood, needs, etc. when we can't read it, we lose touch and feel like we're not communicating. this is an obstacle, which is why written speech can be very important to give concrete grounded discussion.

    her ability to revise, set objectives/goals and sub-goals, etc, is fucking GREAT for me! i love it. plus we do lots of classically introverted things, cook, play abstract strategy games, read, etc. lots of quality time together where we are using our imaginations and our great and enormously powerful brains!

    i can be sooo sensitive tho and my feelings do get hurt. but less with her than any other previous relationship. she cares and wants to solve problems!

  3. #13
    Senior Member bighairything's Avatar
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    I'm not sure how much of a good idea it is to take MBTI too seriously when considering who you're going to hook up with. I've been going out with an INFP for a short while, and went through a period of looking out for the ENFP/INFP flashpoints (specifically: clash of values and hyper sensitivity) to the point where I realised there was a real danger that I was going to turn it into a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you meet someone you like, best to just run with it and see what happens.

  4. #14
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bighairything View Post
    I'm not sure how much of a good idea it is to take MBTI too seriously when considering who you're going to hook up with. I've been going out with an INFP for a short while, and went through a period of looking out for the ENFP/INFP flashpoints (specifically: clash of values and hyper sensitivity) to the point where I realised there was a real danger that I was going to turn it into a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you meet someone you like, best to just run with it and see what happens.
    I agree.

  5. #15
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    I think it would work. INFJs (well, the couple of male ones whom i'm close to) generally appreciate the T-ness. They recognise that they need that. They know that they tend to get idealistic and do appreciate pragmaticism from their friends; it can somewhat have a 'grounding effect'.

    I'd say go for it -- the only problem now is finding one. Haha -- you gotta make sure you know what they look like first! And don't scare them with excessive business-y/bristling Te. You have to show that you're interested and genuinely care. I think thats the MAIN important thing. To show interest and genuine concern and appreciation for them.

    It's very easy to hurt an INFJ if you try to hurt their feelings, but very hard if you're trying to be nice (even if you're very emotionally clumsy).
    ^ Agreed

  6. #16
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I'm by no means an expert on INFJ's but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night. Honestly, I took him for a fellow SP when I first met mine. Kind of tricky to recognize.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  7. #17
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    my s.o. is an intj female. she's a 6w7 sp/so so she's a bit sunnier in disposition than some intjs. she is great at recognizing problems, altho she is terrible at predicting emotional responses. so she is sometimes very cautious. more direct communication than is sometimes immediately comfortable eases all concerns so far.

    we predict and structure our communications based on the other person's emotional mood, needs, etc. when we can't read it, we lose touch and feel like we're not communicating. this is an obstacle, which is why written speech can be very important to give concrete grounded discussion.

    her ability to revise, set objectives/goals and sub-goals, etc, is fucking GREAT for me! i love it. plus we do lots of classically introverted things, cook, play abstract strategy games, read, etc. lots of quality time together where we are using our imaginations and our great and enormously powerful brains!

    i can be sooo sensitive tho and my feelings do get hurt. but less with her than any other previous relationship. she cares and wants to solve problems!
    Aww. That's awesome!

  8. #18

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    I'm a female INFJ with a female INTJ best friend.
    Yes, her abruptness and direct (sometimes rude) statements can hurt my feelings, but as someone said in another thread (I think it was "You know you're an INFJ when..."), I have the tendency to -think- the SAME WAY she does.

    The difference is: she actually says it, but I might not (at least, not to the person ).

    Also, at least for me, I'm just as capable of being brashly sarcastic and hurtful, so it should even out :-p.

    My best friend and I are very different. Sometimes I think had we not known each other since we were 11, we wouldn't have become such close friends. But I think it does balance out in a lot of ways. I would think that an INFJ/INTJ romantic relationship would be great as far as communication goes! My INTJ friend is able to see things in their simplest form and solve problems that way, which helps me a lot when I am bogged down by the symbolism or details :-p.
    "When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you will always long to return."
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  9. #19
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weakshadeofblue View Post
    I'm a female INFJ with a female INTJ best friend.
    Yes, her abruptness and direct (sometimes rude) statements can hurt my feelings, but as someone said in another thread (I think it was "You know you're an INFJ when..."), I have the tendency to -think- the SAME WAY she does.

    The difference is: she actually says it, but I might not (at least, not to the person ).

    Also, at least for me, I'm just as capable of being brashly sarcastic and hurtful, so it should even out :-p.

    My best friend and I are very different. Sometimes I think had we not known each other since we were 11, we wouldn't have become such close friends. But I think it does balance out in a lot of ways. I would think that an INFJ/INTJ romantic relationship would be great as far as communication goes! My INTJ friend is able to see things in their simplest form and solve problems that way, which helps me a lot when I am bogged down by the symbolism or details :-p.
    Cool!
    That gives me hope that maybe someday I might be able to find a relationship that is nurturing.

  10. #20
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    The one real thing I've found is that, due to being 'trained' by society, I need to feel like I can reliably 'win' in areas. I learned this from the two T-girls* I know here in Finland. It feels like if I say something it's probably going to be nitpicked or shot down. It really gets me down, thankfully conversations with them can be interesting and fun.


    All you really gotta do is accept their potential for 'gender role frustration' and other oddities, such as obliviousness, but I guess as an MBTI-knowledgeable INTJ you're set for it.

    *One might not be T, but she's likely E and has 'laserbeam eyes' I tend to associate with EJs. The other has got to be an ENTP.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

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