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  1. #31
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nyx View Post

    One thing I am sure of is my intensity in friendships and relationships. I think it really scares people sometimes. I quickly get to deep subjects and show my excitement easily. Those who know me well can tell what kind of mood I am just by being around me, and many times (especially in one on one situations) my mood can manifest and set an overall tone for the situation. I have also had many people comment on my animated demeanor when talking, and easy excitement. When I express an emotion I really express it. Is this typical of an introverted NFJ?

    Me too. I also get deep right away, and for me, this is just showing honesty and respect to the person I'm talking to. I'm not shallow, so I won't go small talk with you and make you waste your time. But it does make them feel uneasy, I think. I've had someone who barely knows me throw the "you're an intense gal" at me the other day. But I'm very introverted on all tests (80-90% Introversion, like). I am quiet, but some people can read my emotions in silence, which annoys me a bit.

    It annoys me because I am working so hard at keeping the lid over my emotions (Enneagram Type 1) that if people perceive them still and go : "You're intense!" I'm like inside, "This is so mean, after all those efforts to contain it!"

    But I think I've been able to observe this phenomenon in another INFJ once. That was many years ago at the Montreal Celtic Festival. INFJ Gaelic activist Mary Jane Lamond was about to give a workshop in a little tent, and it was quite intimate, a bit like a classroom. I walked in, along with about five other people to attend. It was early and few people had arrived yet. Ms Lamond was standing in the front, quietly. She wasn't saying anything, wasn't staring at us, nothing. She was just standing there. Well, her presence was so intense and impressive for some uncanny reason that we all headed straight to the back and sat in the last row, very intimidated. When she saw this, she started staring and came closer saying: "There's a lot of noise outisde and if you sit way back there, I'm afraid you won't hear much. But if you feel comfortable there, that's ok." We suddenly felt better, and I walked to the third row, quite near the front and I think others did the same. How strange.

  2. #32
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Being heard seems especially important to her.

    Her energy goes outward and seems apportioned according to the issue and makes an impression on others. It also makes her seem highly-strung and intense and very reactive.

    The ENFJs I know are very headstrong too but it has a different quality... they seem less concerned with secrecy and shielding themselves than I.
    Yup... this is totally me. I've been told I'm high strung, and an Type A personality because I'm so driven and focused. If I am late for something and rushing to get something done, everyone just steps out of my way because I'm moving so fast and focused solely on getting it done. lol!
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  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    I wonder what makes people intense
    Sensitivity is found many intense people. People who experience the world with a greater awareness. Of course there are intense people who aren't the least bit sensitive, like some very driven people. I connect with the sensitive people, though. I have a quiet intensity that's picked up by some people. My expression is normally just a blank look in most social situations, except when I get excited and then I become very animated. My sister and I were talking about intensity in people a while ago. She was saying I don't suit being with other intense people, because it is just too much....total overkill, lol. I disagreed, I love being with intense people! They are the ones I normally connect with best.

  4. #34
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istina View Post
    Oh, absolutely. Like you, I spent most of my childhood balanced between E/I, but became more of an introvert when I got older. If I'm with a comfortable group, I can be with them hours and hours and hours and feel no need to recharge. It's only with a group I don't know very well or a group I don't feel I'll ever really be close to that I feel the need to withdraw. I doubt I could go a full day being completely without people.

    Maybe our Fe is as high as our Ni? I have no idea.
    I very much identify with this. I usually come out with pretty high Fe on the tests, so maybe that is a factor.

    While I find it difficult to be around people that never give you any mental breaks for 30 seconds without being called on to respond, I don't find generally that I need a ton of recharging time except in the situations mentioned above. Interesting to find out there are other INFJs saying this. I wonder what commonalities we have that make it this way, compared to many other INFJs who need more recharging time.

  5. #35
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    ^ With people I connect well with, or groups I'm comfortable with, the amount of recharging time I need can be almost negligible. I wrote a while ago about my going on a vacation once with 2 of my friends, and how I was pretty much around them 24/7 for ten days in a row, without any real official need for intense alone time...and it wasn't an issue at all. Same with family. A non-issue.

    I think the big factor in why in the grand scheme of things (in general everyday life) I need a fair amount of alone time and would be considered a big introvert, is the simple fact that I DON'T have super close connections with individuals or groups that often, and people I actually desire to get close to can be few and far between; the majority of people I interact with on a daily basis are more taxing on me, thus I need more recharging than many might.

    Edit: Just thinking a bit more...another factor is that with these close connections, I feel less of the need to be 'on'..I feel I can be more truly myself, I'm not busy filtering or self-monitoring (the trust/commonality is there), and also there's the aspect of being with someone, in the same space, without necessarily speaking. Which can become alone time, in a way, even though you're in close company with others.
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  6. #36
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm finding it interesting with teaching. I'm not aware of a conscious need to recharge all the time, but I do find myself incredibly tired during the school year without any particularly good reason for being so. The only thing I can think of is that balancing a lot of different types of people and a lot of interactions with them throughout the day takes more out of me than I may actively register. I have found though that with more emotional supports in my everyday life this year, I am less tired than I have been at times in the past. I don't know if there is a connection or not, but I assume there must be.

  7. #37
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    My INFJ father and I share so many traits in common it can be difficult to sort them out. It becomes even more of a blurred line between textbook E and I because my E/I axis is so close together as to be troublesome. I test as a 4 sometimes (INFJ) and many other times as a 2 (ENFJ), and believe that I'm guided by Fe more than half the time. My Ni is incredibly strong and jockeys for control almost constantly (which can be unsettling).

    My Fe isn't "blunted" by any shielding function, but it isn't so clear to me all the time because I seem to switch from ENFJ to INFJ mode, where my Fe *does* become blunted and shielded.

    Both my father and I relieve stress by engaging in activities (Se, no doubt), but he does seem to lean more heavily on his Ti than I do. I'm much more forward about speaking to strangers (dad is shy about that), but I do have overpowering shyness like he does, and spent the majority of my growing years withdrawn and explosive and distrusting of my environment. Negative experiences marred me deeply and I relied on my ENFP twin for social bravery.

    Even into my teens, I would change my clothes INSIDE the closet because I didn't want anyone looking at me. Not even my female friends. I was unsure of myself and didn't understand what people wanted from me (or if I could even be that person they expected). I clung to what felt safe to me, and had to be dragged kicking and screaming into puberty, and then into young adulthood.

    I'm bookish like my dad. I "shut down" like he does when overloaded. I have his volatile temper. I go on Ni rambles like him and share some of his obliviousness (which my Ne-dom sister finds hilarious). He's more analytical than me in a way that I admire and am not as good at, and I seem to be able to charm or warm people up in a manner that my father finds mystifying and interesting.

    I had an INFJ friend over a few days ago and his levels of intensity not only match mine but maybe even surpass it.
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  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    ^ With people I connect well with, or groups I'm comfortable with, the amount of recharging time I need can be almost negligible. I wrote a while ago about my going on a vacation once with 2 of my friends, and how I was pretty much around them 24/7 for ten days in a row, without any real official need for intense alone time...and it wasn't an issue at all. Same with family. A non-issue.

    I think the big factor in why in the grand scheme of things (in general everyday life) I need a fair amount of alone time and would be considered a big introvert, is the simple fact that I DON'T have super close connections with individuals or groups that often, and people I actually desire to get close to can be few and far between; the majority of people I interact with on a daily basis are more taxing on me, thus I need more recharging than many might.

    Edit: Just thinking a bit more...another factor is that with these close connections, I feel less of the need to be 'on'..I feel I can be more truly myself, I'm not busy filtering or self-monitoring (the trust/commonality is there), and also there's the aspect of being with someone, in the same space, without necessarily speaking. Which can become alone time, in a way, even though you're in close company with others.
    I find all of this pretty true for me, especially the last thought. I experience alone time with people I'm close to because being with them is not taxing or draining at all. I can slip out of being "on" and they don't notice or care. Then, I'll come back and talk as if I've never been away, and then become quiet again. My good friends will tell me that they can see when I've become completely drained--I'm there but the shades are drawn. It's soon after that I have to stop all interaction and go away to recharge.

    Someone mentioned here that being with people who expect a response every 30 seconds with no down time is taxing. Same for me, if it's non-stop. I can talk a blue streak in a one on one conversation with someone I love for a period of time...for a long time actually. But if it's someone I don't know, I get very impatient with expectations that I have to talk constantly.

    Also, with someone I'm very attracted to and feel a great compatibility with I can become so over-stimulated that I forget to have an exchange with them. I usually love to ask questions or be attentive to what someone is saying, but in this situation, I sometimes pour out my feelings and forget to ask them about themselves and how they are doing, what they are thinking, etc.

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