I was just reading PinkPiranha's thread in the NF private forum "Frustrated ENFJ" and it really got me thinking. A lot of the posts were talking about NFJ's intensity. I had never really thought about my intensity in regards to other people until I read this, and found myself relating to a lot of what was being said. I don't see myself as intensely guarded. I am fairly quick to share how I feel with people so long as I feel a connection with them in some way. When I was younger I would say I was a definite NFJ, though I think I was on the border with E and I most of the time, if not a bit more E much of the time. As I have gotten older I am decidedly an I, though I can be very extroverted in certain situations... it mostly depends on my mood. If I'm happy and comfortable I will seem like an E, though when under stress or a melancholic/pensive mood (which has been my predominant mood for the past couple years), I withdraw and become quite introverted.
One thing I am sure of is my intensity in friendships and relationships. I think it really scares people sometimes. I quickly get to deep subjects and show my excitement easily. Those who know me well can tell what kind of mood I am just by being around me, and many times (especially in one on one situations) my mood can manifest and set an overall tone for the situation. I have also had many people comment on my animated demeanor when talking, and easy excitement. When I express an emotion I really express it. Is this typical of an introverted NFJ?
How does E or I make Ni and Fe manifest differently? I am almost entirely sure I am an Introvert...do other INFJs find themselves seemingly extroverted when they are in happy, comfortable situations? And NFJs in general...how do people react to your intensity? What do they say? I am not sure what types this attracts, but there is a definitely a certain kind of person it unnerves, and some just find it draining.
I've been told alternately that I seem extraverted or a snob depending on the social situation. I am very intense but I am also extremely private. I prefer and am intense in one-to-one conversations. Genuinely interested in people which makes me appear very warm but I can't keep up the effort and will go underground awhile after such interactions. I have noticed that people often reveal very personal things during first meetings because I am focused on them. Perhaps I just feel safe to talk to (and I am, I don't try to pry, I don't divulge things or make judgements about them in these situations.) But my interactions often feel very one-sided in that I don't often bond with people through sharing my very private thoughts. I do not like to feel exposed as it were. My walls are up with those who can't hold their own and are trying to attach themselves to me. I will help, I won't bond. I just can't stand when someone tries to overwhelm me with their full-throttle emotion unless it's joy. I don't like if someone has expectations that I will become their emotional caretaker. This is more of a development in adulthood though after close encounters with emotional vampires before I developed some armor.
When it comes to strong emotion, I prefer to sit back and watch rather than have it directed at me, so that I can observe without having to engage. I can't fully process if I am engaged. The ENFJs I know do not seem phased by strong emotion in the same way, if at all.
I have never particularly wanted to share all of my deeper feelings and impressions though they are very keenly felt. Translating them into words diminishes them ime and often isn't something I can do satisfactorily immediately anyway. It never even used to occur to me to talk about my impressions and ruminations when I was little as the primary enjoyment derived from turning things over within my own private little world replete with individualistic references.
My little niece presents as an ENFJ and I can see our similarities as kids. I was very adept at picking up on the motivations and morale of others as is she. She is much more action oriented and vocal in expressing her thoughts though. She will tell people what she thinks of them especially if they are doing something she deems wrong. Being heard seems especially important to her. Whereas I would notice and think it was interesting and tuck it all away for future reference. I have always had regard for the rights of the individual so I have usually withheld judgement and often given the benefit of the doubt quite a few times depending on the situation whereas I notice that it seems more about harmony and the rights of the majority and certain pre-determined standards with the ENFJs I know, even my little niece. It can make an ENFJ seem much more decisive than INFJ as they appear to apply a standard fairly consistenly while I may appear a little wishy-washy (though it def doesn't feel that way) while I deliberate and weigh things up from the ground up. Just something I have noticed.
My niece and I have a deep connection because of this shared interest in others' morale and automatic vision into others but I underground all of my intensity... akin to storing it all away in a reservoir and using it to push myself in other ways. Her energy goes outward and seems apportioned according to the issue and makes an impression on others. It also makes her seem highly-strung and intense and very reactive. I am very sensitive and averse to feeling like someone is pulling my strings and making me react according to their emotional agenda. My energy always turned inwards and turned into something else along the way, resolve, which ALWAYS came as a surprise to others because it didn't match the soft-eyed, self-contained, sensitive exterior.
I always had a goal I was working towards, very determined and very disciplined so I am intense in that sense as well. But unless someone went into direct opposition to me they would never see my stubbornness. No one ever got over the top of me about anything I cared about. I also often skip(ped) the talking-about-it step between thinking and action too, (unless I'm close to someone who draws me out about all of my schemes and plans). This could make me seem headstrong and aloof I suppose; I don't often consult others in my decision making process as a part of me finds it hard to be aware of the expectations of those I care about when they don't tally with my plans. The ENFJs I know are very headstrong too but it has a different quality... they seem less concerned with secrecy and shielding themselves than I.
