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  1. #11
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    I think my youngest daughter (10) is an INFJ, although it's too early to tell. She is the most intense, willful, manipulative, independent, moody, difficult child I've ever run into. (She's also unbelievably sweet and affectionate--I love her dearly). I really had to change my parenting style to deal with her, although it's still a struggle. A friend has a daughter who's in college now who I also think is INFJ, and my friend tells me that she was also a holy terror as a child and that she had to get very, very tough with her. I was pretty shocked when she told me this because the girl is very easy-going and well-mannered now. Where I'm going with all this is that I'm guessing that most INFJ's are very, very intense as young children, but parents and the community come down pretty hard on these poor kids and pretty much discipline the life out of them. My parents were very strict disciplinarians with me -- much more so than I ever was with my kids. It would be great if all this energy and intelligence could be channeled more creatively, but I know with my own child I'd never have time or energy for anything else.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    Good question. I recognise myself so much in all the ENFJ descriptions, yet people keep placing me in the Introvert category.

    I have a thing for drama though, and I can use very poetic, bombastic sentences or allegories when talking.

  3. #13
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    I think my youngest daughter (10) is an INFJ, although it's too early to tell. She is the most intense, willful, manipulative, independent, moody, difficult child I've ever run into. (She's also unbelievably sweet and affectionate--I love her dearly). I really had to change my parenting style to deal with her, although it's still a struggle. A friend has a daughter who's in college now who I also think is INFJ, and my friend tells me that she was also a holy terror as a child and that she had to get very, very tough with her. I was pretty shocked when she told me this because the girl is very easy-going and well-mannered now. Where I'm going with all this is that I'm guessing that most INFJ's are very, very intense as young children, but parents and the community come down pretty hard on these poor kids and pretty much discipline the life out of them. My parents were very strict disciplinarians with me -- much more so than I ever was with my kids. It would be great if all this energy and intelligence could be channeled more creatively, but I know with my own child I'd never have time or energy for anything else.

    I can't pretend to be an expert on INFJs because other than myself I don't really know many out in the wild, hehe. But I will say that that description doesn't sound like my childhood experience at all. I was quiet, daydreamy, extremely sensitive, and very eager to please. The type profiles I've read about INFJ children seem to back that up - they're sensitive dreamers rather than dramatic firecrackers. Is it possible these children are ENFJs? I feel like I read a lot of accounts of INFJs on this forum that to me sound more like ENFJs. That's just my two cents though...

  4. #14
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    I am now almost 100% sure I was an ENFJ as a kid. I was a handful. During my elementary school years I attended a parochial school and I was constantly getting into trouble. I had detention, writing lines, and time spent in the principles office from grades K-5. I even drove my teacher to the point of crying in kindergarten. I was a very sweet child though. I suppose my behavior was way very dramatic as a kid. I also can recall being much more of a typical "J" when I was younger, very neat and organized. When I made the switch from private to public school in sixth grade (sadly coinciding with the beginning of puberty) it was very traumatizing, as I was also moving far away from my friends. Subsequent family issues caused a personality change in me, I became more introverted. Around my sophomore year in high school I noticed a dramatic change in my personality because my Ti had developed rapidly. This caused me to think I was an INTP for a while, but after I took a functions test, I realized my dominant function was Ni. Now that I am older the Ti has settled out, and my first three functions are the usual INFJ order of Ni, Fe, Ti... I don't know if this is from getting older, or because of things that happened in the past have effected me in ways to caused an extreme development of Ti, thus creating a Ni-Ti axis, and outshining the Fe. My function order was definitely Fe, Ni, Se as a kid because I was very much into physical things, namely dance, gymnastics (training at an Olympics caliber gym, ascending to high levels) and theatre. I also recall being very outgoing as far as volunteering to demonstrate things or help people, or public speaking (I won the DARE award for best anti-drug essay in fifth grade and had to read it in front of the class/parents...super cool and I also used always sign up to do readings for church. )Fe was always first, but Ni would lead itself to its interesting bouts of detachment and reflection/creativity. Now, as an INFJ, I am prone to a melancholic and detached contemplative mood with bursts of Fe here and there. I could not really call myself happy at this point.

    Has anyone ever had this dramatic change in personality? All of my family members have noted the change in my personality from being happy and outgoing child to a quiet and serious young adult.

  5. #15
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i was extremely energetic and very judgy as a kid. i would run around non-stop. then in high school i got very tired and burnt out and withdrawn. i was much more open and emotionally engaged when i was young. as i got older i actually developed Ti more than Fe at first in terms of an active problem solving function. but it just helped me realize what was actually there with Ni, opened up my imagination and allowed me to start mapping shit with more conscious awareness. then i became really imaginative and goofy. my best friend growing up told me i skipped my childhood (somewhere between grades 6-12). but my imagination now constantly overflows like a child's tub who won't turn off the bathtub faucet. i can still seem very serious at times, but much of the time i am also lighter than air. if i had been less conscientious or less able to float by in school, i might have been able to pry an add diagnosis out of my doctor. it was always scattered scattered bam 1000% focus. i demanded energy and constant attention out of those around me as a result.

  6. #16
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nyx View Post
    Has anyone ever had this dramatic change in personality? All of my family members have noted the change in my personality from being happy and outgoing child to a quiet and serious young adult.
    My brother had an even more drastic change, from clear ESTP to clear INFP. It was, in every way, a whiplash. He's been INFP for a few years now, and loves it. So yeah, I do think personality shifts can happen, despite what the literature says.

    !!

    Whether you turn out to be an I or and E (and I'd guess an E), you are lucky to be an NFJ! Every NFJ I know is ball 'o fire. I really admire the intensity!

  7. #17
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Interesting. I guess it's easy for me to assume most INFJs have similar childhood behaviors as I did but that's obviously not the case. Sounds like there were some rough and rowdy INFJ kiddos out there.

    As a child and now, my experience has been that around the vast majority of people I am quiet, mild-mannered, and accommodating. A small circle of friends sees my goofy, zany, opinionated side. And then usually only my romantic partner sees the real me, which can be very playful, rambunctious, demonstratively affectionate, and hot-tempered. I guess that's me channeling my inner ENFJ with the person I love. I have to admit, he's called me a drama queen on more than one occasion, hehe. I can definitely be a handful in a relationship, although I like to think my positive traits outweigh that ;o)

  8. #18
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    My intensity is turned inwards. I'm rather laid back externally, but have a couple areas of intense inner struggles which I could do without. Here's an example, I tend to be too laid back about evaluating other people on tests and papers, but for myself I will study like a crazy woman until I get it right. Or I am accommodating for others who mess up in a performance, but have trouble being easy on myself. I realize this makes no sense and I work to resolve it by viewing myself from the outside. It's almost like I forget I'm a person.

    Edit: It occurred to me the commonality between making allowances for other, but exhausting every avenue of preparation for myself. Both are trying to cover all possible bases. For other people I know I can't know every detail of their experience or why they might act in a certain way or fail a test. I know there can be compelling reasons and I want to operate in a way that can accommodate all possibilities. For my own interfacing with the outside world, I need to know that I did everything I could to prepare, so if I am berated for something, I have accounted for it by knowing that I left no stone unturned. The problem is when I forget that there are compelling reasons why I fall short and to have more patience with myself even when I am not conscious of every detail of it.

    As a child I was obedient and felt a great deal of responsibility. I remember being babysat at age 5 as the only girl, so the lady gave me her daughter's doll to play with. I was afraid to touch it. I sort of played with it, but didn't want to do anything to harm it because it wasn't mine. When 13 - 15 I would help my mother work her summer labor jobs to help earn money. I went to a strict religious boarding school as a teenager and was intensely lonely and would spend my time sitting by a stream near a cornfield whenever I could get away. I wasn't outgoing enough to experience peer pressure. I obeyed their rules because I hate getting yelled at, but felt oppressed by it. I never caused any trouble, and was "good" to an unhealthy degree actually. I internalized everything instead. I spent most of my time escaping into my imagination especially when going on school outings since I was usually by myself. I would reinterpret everything around me based on an imagined scenario and would sometimes have a good time that way.
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  9. #19
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post

    Edit: It occurred to me the commonality between making allowances for other, but exhausting every avenue of preparation for myself. Both are trying to cover all possible bases. For other people I know I can't know every detail of their experience or why they might act in a certain way or fail a test. I know there can be compelling reasons and I want to operate in a way that can accommodate all possibilities. For my own interfacing with the outside world, I need to know that I did everything I could to prepare, so if I am berated for something, I have accounted for it by knowing that I left no stone unturned. The problem is when I forget that there are compelling reasons why I fall short and to have more patience with myself even when I am not conscious of every detail of it.
    I too am much more accommodating and forgiving and accepting towards others than I am of myself; I have always been extremely self-critical and disciplined. In many cases it isn't really a bad thing..I push myself, I want to grow, I am all about personal accountability and will always own up when I did something wrong. Of course since I don't want things to go wrong, that's why I'm always prepared and have contingencies and all of that. Downside is obviously I fling a lot of internal self-abuse, at times, at myself; typically not related to skills/external things, but more having to do with my own personality, interactions with other people, am I handling things right, am I mis-reading something, blah blah, etc. I think I'm getting better at stopping the self-judgment cycle in recent years, but it still comes and goes. I really go into over-analysis mode sometimes regarding my own psychae, such that I am rarely fully 'free' outwardly - I have so many internal checks and layers and questions that it prohibits a more spontaneous showing of myself, as I for some reason tend to think I shouldn't have any weaknesses - that I need to eliminate all weaknesses/'bad' traits.

    As a child I was obedient and felt a great deal of responsibility. I remember being babysat at age 5 as the only girl, so the lady gave me her daughter's doll to play with. I was afraid to touch it. I sort of played with it, but didn't want to do anything to harm it because it wasn't mine. When 13 - 15 I would help my mother work her summer labor jobs to help earn money. I went to a strict religious boarding school as a teenager and was intensely lonely and would spend my time sitting by a stream near a cornfield whenever I could get away. I wasn't outgoing enough to experience peer pressure. I obeyed their rules because I hate getting yelled at, but felt oppressed by it. I never caused any trouble, and was "good" to an unhealthy degree actually. I internalized everything instead. I spent most of my time escaping into my imagination especially when going on school outings since I was usually by myself. I would reinterpret everything around me based on an imagined scenario and would sometimes have a good time that way.
    I didn't cause any problems whatsoever. Definitely not a problem child, didn't act out, was a model student, didn't want to be the source of any conflict or argument. And finally, kept my entire inner world to myself such that virtually all of it never saw the light of day, and my family/friends knew pretty much nothing about me other than the fact that I was quiet and 'sweet', being nice to them.
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  10. #20
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    I was just about to make an ENTJ intensity thread. jinx.

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