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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tikka View Post
    Also, let him know that if he wanted to f*ck her, he should have, and not whine afterwards.
    Damn, thread solved in post #2.

  2. #52
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    For the time being, the best bit of advice I can give to him is (and for the sake of my own personal laziness, I use the second person): Open yourself for other people.
    The way I see it (although that's only a vague assumption since I don't have any further information) is that you've still got some sense of loyalty towards the girl. I've been there myself, and it really sucks.
    It sucks because it's in fact false loyalty. Not in the sense that the feeling isn't genuine (which I believe it is), but because the loyalty is towards some idealized conception of the girl you have in mind. That conception needs to be adapted.
    My advice is: Go see other people. Especially other girls, and preferably in an environment you feel comfortable in (which might be a little problem, considering the previous posts). Maybe there's some initial feel of betrayal (since you're not feeling like "being true" to the one you imagine to love), but as I've mentioned above, that is false loyalty. I do by no means mean to do it out of spite, or to make her jealous (these things wouldn't work anyway). Just give your emotions a positive break. You deserve it.
    Don't think of it as seeing "someone else." See it as "someone different", as there is no substitue for any person.
    Getting to know someone you can really value is a very grafitying experience. But once again, you have to open up yourself.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nzAShadow View Post
    Correct, he doesn't fit Billy's description of a nice guy, he told her he did have the feelings, he would date her, but he felt they would be rushing it, so the girl went to the guy that would sleep with her right away.
    ... and mr. Nice Guy ends up in tears!



    This is completely what happens to Nice Guys. He's too much of a wussy to get what he wants, another guy steps in, and *BOOM* no self esteem left.

    And guys, we're not talking about a nice guy here, we're talking about the definition Nice Guy aka Wuss aka spineless doormat who ends up in tears because he's not man enough to be there for the girl mentally and physically if that's what he wanted (and boy, did he want it, he's completely in pieces right now! ).

    He moved himself in losing position by - as HE put it - caring about HER feelings, and caring about THEM going 'too fast' and doing what he regards as being 'nice' to her.

    But where did it get him? Where did his so called niceness get him?

    In tears.

    Oh boy.

    For all the people who can't read: I'm not telling men to be assholes to get a girl. I'm not telling people to be bad persons. I'm just telling men to be men.

    And to the topicstarter: I explicitely want to state I sympathize with your friend, and I already gave you some practical advise to get him out of his temporary rut. You have to know that Billy and I are not mocking him personally, we're just trying to show what by definition happens to a 'Nice Guy' and that he pretty much fits into this description right now. Nice Guys always end up in tears, not understanding why, because they were so.... nice (!) to this girl.

  4. #54
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    2. Its not honest, I see it more as a form of trickey. Spoiling a woman and then acting like you just want to be her friend and then flying off the handle when she ends up dating some "asshole"

    Asshole as defined by a nice guy = "the guy who swept in on the nice guys "girl" and took her away without being well... nice like the nice guy.

    Any man who is kind, confident and good, should just be seen as a MAN, not a nice guy. We dont have to qualify true good intentions with a word like nice, men are supposed to be that way, and if they aren't then they aren't men.
    I just wanted to quote this for truth.

    The 'Nice Guy' does all the things a 'good friend' for the girl would do. Listen to her problems, telling her he really likes her but wouldn't want to move too fast. Friendshippy stuff. 'I want you to be happy the right way'-stuff. But then totally shatters in pieces when he finds out that some other guy shagged her!!

    News break: if he only wanted friendship, he wouldn't feel this depressed! If he wanted more, he should have gone and gotten more! It's his choice! He chose pain and agony, and do you really think him being depressed right now is doing the girl any good? I mean, really!

    Don't think that if you're not a Nice Guy, you're an asshole automatically. Assholes are just assholes. But real desirable men are kind, confident and good.

  5. #55
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tikka View Post
    And to the topicstarter: I explicitely want to state I sympathize with your friend, and I already gave you some practical advise to get him out of his temporary rut.
    You sympathize, but you don't empathize.

    Or do you really think that he wasn't being sincere when he said that they were going too fast?
    If it didn't feel right to him before, a screw probably wouldn't have made him any happier afterwards.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avis View Post
    You sympathize, but you don't empathize.

    Or do you really think that he wasn't being sincere when he said that they were going too fast?
    If it didn't feel right to him before, a screw probably wouldn't have made him any happier afterwards.
    I empathize as such that we all have been into the Nice Guy syndrome before, unless you got it right from the start.

    The guy said all the nice things in the hope for the girl to like him romatically, sustainably, as friends, through good and bad times, etc. etc. Too friggin idealistic, won't happen, and the only thing that DID happen was that he hurt himself.

    That's trickery. Tricking the girl to like him in this idealistic way. Won't work.

    If he really cared about this girl, and I mean really, he could have been a man, provided her with mental AND physical comfort WITHOUT telling himself sex is a bad thing at that moment - clearly the girl didn't think so (!!) - and to be there for the girl as a real man. Then, now and maybe for some time to come, who knows! Much better for the girl, and certainly much better for himself, compared to the state he's in now.

    If he didn't really care about this girl, but only feeling depressed because some other guy screwed her, he should suck it up and stop sulking.

    Now he got to hear all her problems and as a bonus he got to hear some other guy did screw her. Results: pain, agony, distorted friendship, not being there for or helping the girl anymore, and overall depressiveness. Nice job!

  7. #57
    Member nzAShadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tikka View Post
    I empathize as such that we all have been into the Nice Guy syndrome before, unless you got it right from the start.

    The guy said all the nice things in the hope for the girl to like him romatically, sustainably, as friends, through good and bad times, etc. etc. Too friggin idealistic, won't happen, and the only thing that DID happen was that he hurt himself.

    That's trickery. Tricking the girl to like him in this idealistic way. Won't work.

    If he really cared about this girl, and I mean really, he could have been a man, provided her with mental AND physical comfort WITHOUT telling himself sex is a bad thing at that moment - clearly the girl didn't think so (!!) - and to be there for the girl as a real man. Then, now and maybe for some time to come, who knows! Much better for the girl, and certainly much better for himself, compared to the state he's in now.

    If he didn't really care about this girl, but only feeling depressed because some other guy screwed her, he should suck it up and stop sulking.

    Now he got to hear all her problems and as a bonus he got to hear some other guy did screw her. Results: pain, agony, distorted friendship, not being there for or helping the girl anymore, and overall depressiveness. Nice job!
    Something is misunderstood in this. She was already interested him in a romantic sense. Also he truly believed rushing into a relationship as fast as she was simply was the wrong way of handling things, and didn't trust that her feelings were real, he was afraid of just being a rebound guy.

    He didn't say these things to get her interested, though he didn't jump on an opportunity that could have prevented the fall of his well being. He wasn't acting idealistic, but his ideals did get in his way.

  8. #58
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nzAShadow View Post
    Something is misunderstood in this. She was already interested him in a romantic sense. Also he truly believed rushing into a relationship as fast as she was simply was the wrong way of handling things, and didn't trust that her feelings were real, he was afraid of just being a rebound guy.

    He didn't say these things to get her interested, though he didn't jump on an opportunity that could have prevented the fall of his well being. He wasn't acting idealistic, but his ideals did get in his way.
    He was acting idealistically when he turned down her advances apparently. For better or worse. I have turned a girl down too for fear of it being a rebound, but I wasnt really interested in her to boot.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tikka View Post
    For all the people who can't read: I'm not telling men to be assholes to get a girl. I'm not telling people to be bad persons. I'm just telling men to be men.
    Tis a hard lesson to learn, but it's the truth.
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  10. #60
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nzAShadow View Post
    Something is misunderstood in this. She was already interested him in a romantic sense. Also he truly believed rushing into a relationship as fast as she was simply was the wrong way of handling things, and didn't trust that her feelings were real, he was afraid of just being a rebound guy.
    She was interested in him in a romantic sense, so she slept with another guy when your friend said he just didn't think it was a good idea at the moment?

    So. Obvious.

    Makes me wanna slap him back into reality before he got hurt. But that's too late now.

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