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  1. #41
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    This "girls like jerks" thing is complete bullshit. People seem to be unconsciously attracted to certain kinds of people (not MBTI types, things like bad boy, nerd etc), and what will satisfy a lot of people is very different. Everyone has a certain sort of person that they will like, and everyone has a match somewhere. And please don't take that literally on purpose just to piss me off, I'm sure you know what I'm trying to get to.

    Anyways, as for your friend's feelings, I'd say that he shouldn't torture himself with what he could have done, and just attempt to move on. The girl seems to want to have some form of physical contact to try to get over her previous relationship (from the limited information that I have), and if your friend didn't want a rebound then he made the right decision. He should still stay in contact with the girl. If she becomes available and isn't going to use him as a rebound, he should go for it. He shouldn't waste his time worrying about something he can't change.

    My suggestion would be for him to talk it out with his close confidants. He should also find another girl to start talking to. Just my experience, when I'm going through bad times I have talked to my confidants about my issue, and I've also talked to another girl. For some reason, it just helps to do that for me, and for the people I've advised about this sort of thing.

    Also, believe me. I know what I'm talking about. My best friend is an INFJ. The thing that helped my friend the most was talking to me and a few others that he held close, to distract himself in some way, and to talk to another girl or other girls. From doing this he's getting over his last relationship, that was very serious. It was 2 years with an ISTJ, and things didn't work out (wasn't a type problem, she had some psychological problems). He recently started talking to another girl, and they like each other. I also spend a good amount of time talking to him and hanging out. Your friend would appreciate your support I'm sure.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  2. #42
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    Oh? I guess I really am mistaken about the definition then. I would have another term for a guy you're describing and that wouldn't be nice at all. Silly me for thinking that nice guys actually are...nice.
    Most people if not all people are nice to a degree. A guy who lets himself get used as a door stop isnt "nice" hes spineless.

  3. #43
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ragingkatsuki View Post
    Sorry Billy, you've been disqualified of the title of an INFJ.
    Oh shit, again? Damn... How ever will I live if people cant square me into a nice tidy box? I guess I will just be an ISTJ is that better?

  4. #44
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Why would someone defend what you describe? They wouldn't. They don't share your definition.

    Those aren't the only two options, right? Guys who pretend to be nice and guys who are demonstrably not nice, but better because they aren't pretending?

    I think it is entirely possible that the guy in the OP is actually a nice guy.
    I dont know why people defend them, but they do because

    A. the nice guy isnt being up front and honest with his motivations
    B. People like to get hung up on the word "nice"
    C. People are morons.

  5. #45
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    That's kind of an ironic term for it, then.

    I always assumed that term was about bashing guys for having a nice, considerate personality instead of being tough, assertive jerks.

    So the term "nice guy" refers to a guy who is dishonest about his intentions?
    Precisely, in the world of dating I try to use more general terms preferably because it simplifies things.

    Any man who is confident, decent, generous, sensitive, and kind is usually seen as just a regular guy or a guy who is cool or a guy you want to date.

    The guys who bend over backwards to spend all day snuggling with a girl they like, doing her homework, solving her problems, giving her money, etc etc are NOT confident men who bring a lot to the dating equation. The are like love sick puppies, they are "nice guys". its why they say nice guys finish last.

    Any man who will act a fool and give and give and give without ever telling the woman he actually has a romantic interest in her is a sucker and a punk.

    He is the male equivalent of a female who sleeps around to make a man like her. Luckily for her she can get laid, while the nice guys go on with blue balls.

    I am trying to find a really funny comic I saw about it one time.

    Essentially I have 2 problems with the nice guys as I see them

    1. They are pathetic, any man who gives up the milk for free without a commitment to the woman he is spending all his time on is an idiot.

    2. Its not honest, I see it more as a form of trickey. Spoiling a woman and then acting like you just want to be her friend and then flying off the handle when she ends up dating some "asshole"

    Asshole as defined by a nice guy = "the guy who swept in on the nice guys "girl" and took her away without being well... nice like the nice guy.

    Any man who is kind, confident and good, should just be seen as a MAN, not a nice guy. We dont have to qualify true good intentions with a word like nice, men are supposed to be that way, and if they aren't then they aren't men.

  6. #46
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nzAShadow View Post
    Agreed. However the problem remains that more girls will fall for the jerk front than they will for the kindhearted guys. This in itself will be enough for them to remain a jerk, since it simply has a higher success rate.

    Since this is the case, they will probably continue to justify their behavior with the same logic, even if their argument has crumbled with the existence of real nice guys. Being kindhearted is also misunderstood as simply being a doormat, perhaps under the same train of thought that you pointed out.

    This subjective logic is quite inconvenient for the nice people out there because those that indulge themselves in it will always continue to rationalize their behavior in such a way, and always leave the nice guys with the short straws.

    Seems I'm pretty pessimistic, lol
    Getting girls isnt rocket science.

    If you are

    1. Good looking
    2. Rich

    you got your foot in the door already. If you are not then all you have to have is:

    1. Self respect and dignity. Dont do something against your code women will respect that.
    2. Something going on. kind or not, if you are a dud youre a dud. Get a job, get a career started and start preparing for the future. Women like men who aren't sitting around in their parents homes whining about why they cant afford the latest call of duty.
    3.Have confidence for the love of god, women dont like ASSHOLES they like men who are CONFIDENT. I swear to hell, everyone already knows this but some people are too flawed emotionally to be able to exude any form of confidence, they usually become "nice guys" and never get laid ever.

    Do those 3 things and you will have a woman I promise.

  7. #47
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    Your story leads me to believe that he would have been heartbroken eventually, even if they got together...

    She's fresh out of one relationship, and already jonesin' for another. - red flag

    She jumps into bed with his friend as soon as he's not willing to go as fast as she'd like. - red flag

    No offense meant, but I'm just calling them as I see them.
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  8. #48
    Member nzAShadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kra View Post
    Your story leads me to believe that he would have been heartbroken eventually, even if they got together...

    She's fresh out of one relationship, and already jonesin' for another. - red flag

    She jumps into bed with his friend as soon as he's not willing to go as fast as she'd like. - red flag

    No offense meant, but I'm just calling them as I see them.
    That's actually exactly what I told him, ha

    No offense taken

  9. #49
    Junior Member thats.mana's Avatar
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    Is he willing to not associate with her at all?

  10. #50
    Member nzAShadow's Avatar
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    That's what he intends on doing, but somewhat difficult cause she hangs around his friends, and the main problem is he won't stop thinking about it.

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