Iíve been told a few times now by mature people, whose insight I respect, that I must not let my self-worth/self-esteem be affected by how another person behaves or feels towards me. This has always followed on the heels of a conversation about a friend being angry with me, a breakup, someone who Iíve made friendship efforts with not giving me the time of dayÖetc.
A few people seem to have picked up on this from me, and from self-examination I am getting the impression it is a problem for me, too. When people treat me unkindly, or if I fall out with a friend, or if a guy I like doesnít like me, etc, it just seems to flatten me out of all measure. Besides having physical symptoms like nausea and exhaustion, I start questioning everything about myself. If there is blame on both sides, I blow my side of it out of all proportion. If itís clearly the other personís fault (I mean, it might even be clear to others), I still start questioning everything about myself and the part I may have played. I shouldnít have said things that way, I pick my friends badly, if he doesnít like me itís because Iím not worth much, blah blah blah. I may be exaggerating slightly here, but only slightly. It is definitely sometimes I need to work on.
I should add that generally my relationships with others seem to run quite smoothly. So part of it may be the shock on the relatively rare occasions when things donít go well. But that doesnít really explain itÖ Maybe I also take too much of my self-worth from generally having good relationships with others!
Is this very much an NF thing, or am I just a bit messed up?